Britney’s Worst Year Ever: October

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

Britney_SpearsOctober 3Loses Mind, Babies – After a three-hour hearing where both Brit and K-Fed were present, primary custody was awarded to Federline, while Spears received monitored visitation. In order to regain custody privileges, Spears would have to obtain a California driver’s license, attend parenting classes with Federline and submit to drug tests. The judge warned Spears to take his threats seriously. [MTV News]

October 5Nobody’s Home — Just two days after the custody hearing wherein Federline was awarded full custody, the singer’s erratic behavior – and a broken intercom – caused her to miss her initial visit with her sons Jayden James and Sean Preston. Spears had initially planned to have her sons visit her at the Beverly Wilshire, then changed the location to her Malibu manse so as to make them more comfortable. The kids returned to Federline after several attempts to reach Spears, who was said to be inconsolable. [DListed]

October 26“Snort it, eat it, lick it…” – At the follow-up custody hearing where Spears hoped to regain partial custody of her children, television correspondents inquired how the proceedings were going. Initially Spears responded that things were “great,” then burst into a Tourette’s-type rage and shouted, “Snort it, eat it, lick it, f*ck it.” [OK! Magazine]

October 29Blackout, Indeed – Without irony, Britney names her first studio album in four years Blackout. The name is intended as a message to ward off all the harm-wishers and haters who’d like to see the one-time Queen of Pop fail. The album, in addition to topping the charts, enrages the Catholic community, as it features shots of Ms. Spears seated on an attractive young priest’s lap. [NY Daily News]

October 30Everyday is Halloween, Even Halloween – In a bizarre turn of events, Britney ventures out for Halloween, just like unfit mothers around the globe. But they typically only have one costume. Apparently our girl spent over $1,000 on seven different get-ups. First up, Brit hit Winston’s as a slutty pirate wench, but quickly tired of the costume. Instead of leaving, she chatted up the bartender, stating “You have nice tits. Mine are all saggy!” before demanding the bartender switch outfits with her. The following evening Britney was spotted out in her magenta cat-suit. [OK! Magazine]

[Image: X17]

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2007′s Craziest: Vanessa’s Vajayjay

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vanessa-hudgens-2007.jpgLate this summer Vanessa Hudgens taught all of young Hollywood an important, valuable lesson – don’t take photos of yourself naked when you’re the star of a show beloved by billions of five-year olds. But honestly, we’re REALLY glad she did, because she made our summers that much sexier and entertaining! The up and coming starlet took the pics for one of her teen boy toys (either Drake Bell or Zac Efron) and the incident almost got her booted from the cast of the upcoming High School Musical 3. But all it took was a statement through her rep to make it all go away. She said, “This was a photo which was taken privately. It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public.”

No it’s not. It’s awesome, and it made 2007 infinitely better. In a year where Paris Hilton got licked up and Nicole Richie knocked up, it was a relief to discover which hot young thing was taking control of the Hollywood scandal scene.

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Top 20 Singles of the Year (16-20)

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As 2007 dwindles down, we look back at our favorite tracks. For each of the past three Tuesdays, we’ve sung the praises of the 20 songs that made our year. See what made the cut, and let us know what you think of our choices.

Kanye West, “Stronger” from Graduation (ROC-A-FELLA)

17_kanye.jpgBased around Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,” West’s top-charting single from his third album is part dance, part Nietzschean manifesto. Slamming together beats and rhymes in a furious display of his pop-star prowess, the producer-cum-rapper explains in no uncertain terms why he is the best thing to ever happen to music in the history of everything. Yes, some of the references are awkward, but his savvy wit and deep knowledge of the news of the day serves him well; any song that manages to somehow fit Kate Moss, O.J. Simpson, Isotoner gloves, Christian Dior, Louis Vuitton, A Bathing Ape, Prince and Apollonia into even a loose rhyme scheme is impressive. The video, which stars actors wearing Daft Punk’s robot suits and West’s post-post-modern fashion sense (Jeremy Scott sunglasses, Akira apparel), is the true star here, though, since it manages to both produce a vaguely coherent narrative and look extremely cool. Blame West’s fascination with Japanese art: His love of underground Japanese cultural lodestone Nigo (an artist, musician, clothing designer and all-around cultural kingpin) and artist Takashi Murakami have added up to something new entirely. Where the Wu-Tang were once fascinated by Bruce Lee, West has updated hip-hop’s not-so-latent orientalism. He wears it well.

Spoon, “Finer Feelings,” from Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (MERGE)

16_spoon.jpgIt seems Spoon saved the best for almost-last when they placed “Finer Feelings” as the penultimate track on Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. While the song traffics in many of the things the Austin quartet have been doing best for over a decade (bright, spiky indie pop with a dollop of barely concealed contempt from too-cool frontman Britt Daniel), it also comes with a few new features. Starting with a sample from Mikey Dread, a collaborator of known Spoon-influence the Clash, Daniel launches into what might be his most personal song to date, a portrait of the artist as a young man: “I was part-time at the Tasty Prawn/ That and moving furniture and cutting lawns/ Covered in newsprint, staying up real late/ Just holding out for some fate.” The band then devolves into a melodic cacophony, an interlude straight out of the “Day In The Life,” playbook, all ricocheting guitar, Motown bassline and what sounds like a moaning, slowed-down harmonica. Daniel resorts to a series of “do do do do,” so as not to detract from the symphony of detail he’s conjured.

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2007′s Craziest: Owen Wilson Hits Rock Bottom

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owenwilson1218.jpgSome gossip stories are too big to forget. We’re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You’ll get a new one posted every day.

It’s always awkward when someone embraced for their humor goes and does something reallllllllly un-funny, so no one quite knew what to do when Owen Wilson attempted suicide in August. After all, this was the Butterscotch Stallion – that happy go lucky dude with the unsexy nose who had no problem banging Kate Hudson, even if it meant ending her marriage. Following his suicide attempt and a hospital stay, Owen requested privacy and release this statement: “I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.” As rumors of drug addiction swirled, Wilson dropped out of some movies, traveled to South America with Woody Harrelson and currently seems to be healing alongside a bevy of hot blond models. Recovery always looks better when done in Hollywood.

Hottie of the Year: Who’s It Going to Be?

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It’s been a long, fascinating year filled with all sorts of pulchritudinous people. Now we want to know what you think: Who’s the hottest of them all? We’ve selected a few of your favorites to compete. First up, the ineffable New York. But what about Jes from Rock of Love? Think she can compete with Kim Kardashian? Or, for that matter, Chris Brown? And last but not least, there’s (unfortunately) nudie cutie, Vanessa Hudgens. Who’s the hottest?

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Criss Angel Wooes Another Washed Up Star

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pamcriss.jpgLast week, when Pam Anderson split from her husband – Paris Hilton sex partner Rick Salomon – for two days, it wasn’t just because they got married after only being together for 3 hours. There was another person involved! A man – or rather an illusion of a man, the mysterious monstrous lady-lover, Criss Angel. Apparently Salomon freaked when he caught wind of Pam’s canoodling session with the Angel while he was out of town earning the fam some bread at a poker tournament. It blew up into a huge fight and Pam headed to her lawyer a few days later. A pal of Pam’s said, “It was just another log on the fire. Their relationship is so volatile [that] I’m sure this won’t be the last time she files, but nothing happened with her and Criss; they were just hanging out.”

This is just one of the perks of marrying someone you barely know. One minute they could be all relaxed and mellow and the next second you’re learning they’re totally psycho! But honestly, we’d freak too if our woman was within one hundred feet of that magical idiot, even if he was just trying to pull a quarter from her ear. [NYP]

Dark Comedies & Elevator Cleavage

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SidekickDiego the filmmaker is having big trouble with the star of his movie, Amy. The script is too dark and her hair is too oily. David the agent is smitten with the newly-arrived Troy, a Brit movie star being wooed by David’s enemy, Ruthie. It’s doubly irritating because Ruthie caught David eyeballing her low-cut dress in the elevator and deemed him “Captain Obvious.” Yep, the “Shining Star” episode of our weekly Hollywood tale Connected has dropped.

On the inter-office front, Emily quits in a huff, and filthy rich Tiffany finds herself as David’s new assistant. First thing he hands her? A Sidekick. Gotta stay connected.

The Duff Sisters Kick Some Ass

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We’ve always found the Duff sisters to be pretty bland. Hilary is just like a vanilla version of an Olsen twin, and really the only thing to respect about Haylie is the fact that she’s never seem to give a sh*t about the constant criticism about her looks and sister-mooching. So it was seriously awesome to see them throw down again some asshole photographers who were stalking them at a hearing for their parents’ divorce. The sisters get sassy, and rightfully so. We like looking at them when they’re all drunk and fugly, but when they’re dealing with personal stuff that’s none of our business? No thanks. Leave them and their fashion mistakes alone while they deal with their family BS, please. [Socialite's Life]