Lindsay Wants To Dish Her Dirt For Dough

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Actress, addict, and leggings-lover Lindsay Lohan is desperate to write a memoir about growing up Hollywood,. because after three rehab stints and a lot of crappy extensions, she’s apparently in dire need of some cash. The story would supposedly be modeled after Drew Barrymore‘s early 90′s tell-all Little Girl Lost, and we are oh-so desperate to read it. Luckily we’ve crafted a little sneak peak to satiate our hunger for her not-yet written auto-trash-ography. Enjoy.

Wilmer Valderama was like, the best boyfriend ever. The relationship was kind of illegal because of our age difference, but my mom was totally cool with it. She was all, “It’ll help your career if you date the guy from That 70′s Show!” And I was all, “Okay cool, well I already dated Aaron Carter, and that didn’t get me a record deal.” It just proved that she’s a great manager, because she was totally right – I definitely landed my part in Herbie: Fully Loaded thanks to my relash with Wilmer. People love kid movies that star salacious teenagers! My mom also totally didn’t care that Wilms was like, 48-years old or whatever. And he was so fun to date; we used to like, laugh all the time about other people together. He was cool when I wanted to watch cartoons and I was cool with him doing his character from That 70s Show constantly. When we broke up I sought solace into the only pair of arms that could hold me: Nicole Richie. Well, actually, she couldn’t hold me, but it didn’t matter because she was so awesomely skinny – and so awesomely connected to the dark side. Not Scientology, I mean the OTHER dark side. Well, technically it’s white, so maybe it should be called the white and powdery side. I’m confused. Ugh, how much more of this thing do I have to write? 200 pages? That’s insane! You better read this whole thing, reader. I could totally find you and kick your ass – I’m a celebrity AND I’m from Long Island, jerks!!!!!!

Wait, am I writing a text message or my book? Oh. I probably shouldn’t be doing this on my Blackberry, huh. And now, on to the next chapter, How to Get Super Skinny After Being Hospitalized for an Asthma Attack.

Rock of Love 2 Forecast: Who Should Be the Next to Go?

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Rock of Love 2 is heating up! In the last episode the ladies gave Bret his own personal peep show, but not everyone won over Bret’s heart. Get caught up here and tell us which ladies are safe and who will be dismissed next episode.

Still safe:

Sara, Niki, and Korie were kicked off last episode. Did you forecast their falls?

Fallen, but not forgotten:

Watch Rock of Love 2 Sunday, 9PM EST.

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Xtina Onstage: Exclusive Live Performance

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Have we got a treat for you: a full day before VH1 airs Christina Aguilera‘s action-packed Back to Basics live concert (complete with 10 costume changes, stilt-walking dancers and 820 pounds of confetti), we’re giving you a taste of what to expect. In the above clip, the Lady in White tears up the stage with her performance of “Ain’t No Other Man.” “I don’t think it would be fair to my audience to just sit on the stage with a mic,” Aguilera told us before her tour kicked off last February. Tune in to VH1 tomorrow at 10 pm to get the total Christina experience.

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Watch all of her music videos & interviews in Box Set!

Chris Brown, Stop Dating People Your Age!

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rihannachrisbrown.jpgHey Chris Brown, what do you think you’re doing dating Rihanna? Sure, she’s hot and all, but we thought you were totally into your much-older manager! Have you forgotten all about that sexy, totally inappropriate love affair? We loved the X-Rated you! But now you’ve been spotted taking your crush Rihanna on a cutesy date to a New Jersey restaurant after a recent performance. It’s just so predticable, so tame, so G-Rated. At least spice it up by dating someone a little less wholesome. Britney Spears is single, older and totally f*ckin’ crazy! Or what about starting up a long-distance love affair with Foxy Brown while she’s in jail? That’s the Chris Brown we want to know.

Sundance Stories: Farrell’s “First Time”

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Colin Farrell sat down with our crew to talk about his new film, In Bruges, a dark buddy flick set in the European city of the title in which he plays a suicidal hitman. Buzz has been building around the dark witted film since it opened the first night of Sundance. Above, the actor fills us in on his first time at the festival, with all the naughty banter we’ve come to expect from the Irish bad boy. Here are a slew of celebs who have been prowling the Utah bash.

More Sundance Coverage

Did Kim Get Nasty In the Photo Booth?

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Some people like to get busy in the alley behind the club after a sweaty night of dancing. Some people like to get busy on the dance floor during a sweaty night of dancing. But some people, especially those who have already experienced the buzz of rocking a sex tape around the Internet for instance, need a more of a thrill. Which is why we’re wondering what the level of grope was when Kim Kardashian and her beau Reggie Bush spent some sensual time in a Sundance photo booth.

She’s posed for Playboy, is dropping her drawers for Travis Barker‘s clothing line, and doesn’t mind a little dirty dancing. A little photo booth fun isn’t out of the question. What will Kim do next?

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How Hollywood Stays Connected

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There’s lots of drama in the office of David Newman, cool-ass film agent and dude who lunches simply to be seen. His assistant is quitting to work for his competitor, his clients are falling for the wrong partners, and his pals break up via text-message. Worst of all? He’s got the big-time hots for the agent who prowls the penthouse office.

Want to find out what we’re talking about? For the next six days we’re recapping our “Connected” series, one Webisode at a time. Here’s where you can find out more about the series, here are 10 Things You Should Know going in, and here’s episode 3: “Shining Star.”

Friday: Family Bids Heath Farewell

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heathledger.jpgJessica Balks at Break Up Rumors
Simpson is suing the mag that claimed Tony Romo is desperate to dump her, which only makes her seem that much more annoying. [TMZ]

Brit’s Bud Sam Lufti Grilled in Deposition
K-Fed’s lawyers went after Brit’s sidekick Sam, attempting to discover what Britney drinks, thinks and does all day long. Try: vodka, little and nothing. [TMZ]

Angelina Knocked Up with Twins?
Brangelina is well on their way to creating their own country of adorable, well-dressed kids. [Star]

Ledger Family’s Last Messages to Heath
The Aussie fam left their son/brother heartbreaking messages in their local Aussie paper. Read them and weep. [Us]

Heidi & Spencer: Paid for Paparazzi Shots?
The most hated couple from The Hills has a not-so-secret deal with a photo agency that pays them cash for all those posed shots. [Jossip]

Let’s Get Lost…Again

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Every last Lost fan knows that there’s only a week left until the premiere of Season 4 (Thursday, January 31st at 9/8c to be exact). Since the number 6 seems to be embedded in several of the show’s current promos and will likely be a resonant symbol this time around, here are six Lost news updates to let you know what’s happened since bearded-Jack cried “We have to go back” to Kate on last season’s mind-blowing finale. If you want to stay spoiler-free, don’t freak – all the reveals ahead are minimal. Come back each Friday: We’re posting a recap every week.

• The plan for a 16-episode season has been cut in half due to the ongoing WGA strike. Eight episodes are in the can and, according to producers, the ending will provide just a mild cliff-hanger since they hadn’t anticipated the strike when producing the first batch.

Read more…