Pussy(cats) Galore: Brit, Kim, Eva

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Liz Smith says that Quentin Tarantino wants to remake Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Of course he does. What maestro of pop cheese wouldn’t? A trio of busty hotties spewing anger around the Cali desert, busting jujitsu moves on the hapless males that cross their path? It’s a must for anyone into frenzied aggression and woeful scripts. Russ Meyer knew what time it was when he sent those hot-headed strippers out on a Mojave rampage.

But Tarantino’s got a twist, natch. There no room for his girl Uma in this baby. Q sees three fine actresses positioned as the cleavage queens. Say hello to Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears, and Eva Mendes. Brit and Eva can duke it out over who they’ll play, but we know Kardasshian is a shoo-in for the Turo Satana role (even though our graphic is lobbying for Mendes). Once an alpha brunette, always an alpha brunette. Here are a couple of clips to remind you just how wondrous the original film actually is. And one to remind you of Eva’s lusty ways.

Yes, this is all pie-in-the-sky cocktail party talk, but we wish it was opening this weekend. Sounds like it would be a lot more fun than Mad Money. Go, baby, go!

Hey Lindsay – Your Old Hair Called, It Wants You Back

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We get it Lindsay, you’re a movie star. You’re Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot‘s love child. But something ain’t right. Yellow plastic isn’t a good look for you, and frankly, we liked the luxurious red locks better. You remember – your natural hair color, but dyed to make it look even better. So here’s some photographic evidence for you to take a look at. Go ahead, decide for yourself. But let us ask just one thing – would you rather look like a Housewife of Orange County OR would you rather have orangey-red hair? The choice is yours (and is obvious).

PS - You might want to try out another pose other than ‘bitch face’. Kisses!
PPS - We’ll talk about the fake tan next week.

The Good:

And the Bad (and Ugly):

[All images: Getty]

Mariah And Her Hat

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Listen up, lambs! Mariah‘s back with a new album, wearing nothing but a hat. Mariah’s follow-up to The Emancipation of Mimi is slated to drop in April, and the album cover and title have allegedly leaked. Called That Chick, Mariah stated in early January that she hadn’t yet arrived at an album title and hinted that it might be “the exact opposite” of Mimi. British site Discopop alleges they got a listen, and revealed track titles like “Migrate,” “Lovin’ You Long Time,” “Touch My Body” and “Bye Bye.”

Friday’s Reviews Rage: Mad Money, 27 Dresses, Cloverfield

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katieholmes.jpgBecause this weekend’s films have received uniformly poor reviews, we’ve rounded up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. Mad Money is absurd and Katie Holmes apparently forgot how to act; 27 Dresses is just sort of sad; and Cloverfield is a special-effects trailer blown up to 84 minutes.

Mad Money:
“Don’t take the money, just run: And the cinematic comeback of the year award goes to . . . someone other than Katie Holmes, whose comedy Mad Money is the most cringe-making return since Love Boat: The Next Wave. Holmes, with Alice Cooper hair and crazy Jim Carrey eyes, looks terrible and acts worse, unless this movie is unintentionally a lobotomy documentary. Whatever could have happened to her in the last couple of years to zap the talent out of her like this?” — The New York Post, surreptitiously referring to Tom Cruise and, perhaps, the Church of Scientology

Read more…

Friday: Amy Sings for her Caged Bird

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amywinehouse-11808.jpgSad News for Lily Allen
The British singer has reportedly suffered a miscarriage, after annoucing her pregnancy last month. Sadness. [DListed]

Amy’s Shouts for Blake at Hearing
Blonde Wino showed up late to support her hubby at a court hearing, where she hollered sweet nothings at him through the glass and sassed photogs. She’s still got it! [People]

Brit Does Her Own PR
Lest you think Britney is stupid, word is that she leaked the gorgeous pics of her posing with her kids (and not the actual photographer, as was reported) the week she was stripped of her custody. [MSNBC]

Here Comes Heidi Montag’s Single!
And here come our ear plugs! Get ready to turn off the radio on February 5th. [Socialite's Life]

Pam Anderson: Still Desperate to Divorce
Pam and Rick were recently spotted cuddling, but she’s still giving their marriage the boot. If she is knocked up, she’s raising their kid sans its sex tape daddy. [TMZ]

Idolized: Eddie Vedder Meets Paul Robeson

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You saw this week’s opening shot from the American Idol gang–a bunch of dreamers from Philly and Dallas laying it out there. That includes James Lewis, the basso-voiced dude who puts mucho drama into his performances. It’s hard to tell if he’s serious or not. But this clip suggests that Tay Zonday might have put him up to it.

Side note: Is it right for the dumb-assed show judges to chortle at James?

Britney Spears Hasn’t Slept in 3 Weeks

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Britney. Up all night. Again. Thank goodness for Starbucks, huh? Last night Britney managed to have dinner with her boyfriend, get a bunch of photographers arrested, shop for groceries at midnight, and then force some poor girl to open up Kitson at 2 a.m. so she could go shopping. Britney left the store in a men’s shirt, tie and not much else. How much do you want to bet that salesgirl quit as soon as she woke up this afternoon?

Foxy Brown’s Awesome Excuse to Ditch Jail

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foxybrown0108.jpgFoxy Brown is a genius, seriously. Her latest attempt to get out of jail involves her ears–which she should have used to listen to the judge back when she was put on probation. Had she done that–and behaved herself–she probably wouldn’t have ended up in jail in the first place. But alas, Foxy’s Blackberry-hurling ways landed her behind bars for a year, and now she’s written to the judge, attempting to get released early so that she can fix her on-again off-again hearing problem. Say what?

“I ask you to please take into consideration that my health is in jeopardy. Yes, I’ve made some bad choices and stupid mistakes. But please understand that sitting in a prison with murderers and criminals is not rehabilitating or what I need to deal with my inner issues.”

Or her inner ear. The only doctor who’s had success treating Foxy is in California, obvs. That’s where her lawyer wants her to head. He told the judge, “If her hearing is damaged any further . . . it will have dire consequences on her ability to maintain her profession and livelihood.” Seeing as her livelihood prior to her incarceration was causing mayhem by throwing sh*t at people, we think Foxy’s probably fine just where she is.

Eddie Murphy and Not-Wife Split

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eddie_murphyOnly two weeks after their wedding, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds are separating. You know its bad when you can’t even make a marriage last longer than Pam Anderson. In a statement released on the heels of their “spiritual ceremony” in Bora Bora, the couple have decided to forgo getting legally married and “remain friends.” Sources who attended the wedding say that Murphy “started yelling at Tracey in front of people. He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing.” But was that the final straw that sent Edmonds packing? We speculated as to what the real reasons were:

* Eddie’s insistence on wearing The Nutty Professor fat suit to bed

* His habit of ending fights with “I was in Beverly Hills Cop III!”

* Martin Lawrence sleeping on the couch

* The post-op tranny room

* Repeated threats of recording a follow-up to “Party All the Time”

* His Shrek shrine

* Norbit 2