30 Rock: Last Night’s Best Lines

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Jack hires a character actor Jarod (David Schwimmer) to play the network’s pro-ecology superhero, Greenzo. Kenneth‘s usually dreary annual party is juiced by a swirl of celeb-invitee rumours begun by Tracy. Pete is schtupping his estranged wife Paula in Liz‘s apartment (using Pop Tarts as boudoir toys). Al Gore stops by to see if he can help the green campaign. Hit the comments section if you plan to be involved in any “foxy boxing” this weekend.

Jack: We’re going green, Lemon. And do you know why?

Liz: To save the Earth?

Jack: So we can drain the remainder of its resources. Don Geist is a genius. He’s pitting all the divisions of the company against each other, to see who can make the most money from this environmentalism trend, and i am going to win with…

Jarod: Greenzo! Saving the Earth while maintaining profitability!

Jack: That’s right Jarod, Greenzo is the first non-judgemental, business-friendly environmental advocate.

Jarod: The free market will solve global warming…if that even exists.

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I Love New York Forecast: Who Should Be the Next to Go?

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Still think you know what New York wants and needs? Tell us which guys are safe, and who will be dismissed next episode. Comment now!

Still pimpin’

Midget Mac and It got the boot last episode. Did you foresee their falls?

Fallen but not forgotten

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Friday: Lauren & Heidi Happy Together in The Hills

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hills-1109.jpgPissy Paris Sues Card Company
The heiress is mad at Hallmark for using her likeness on their products. Her face is all over the “Happy Birthday Mom – Aren’t You Glad Your Kids Aren’t Like Paris Hilton” card line. [TMZ]

The Hills‘ Lauren & Heidi Back as Buds
The former BFFs have been spotted together looking chummy – whatever happened to forgiving and forgetting each other? [JustJared]

Europe Makes Britney #1
So what if The Eagles beat her ass in the States, in Europe she’s still got the #1 album. Too bad Brit doesn’t even know where that is. [Us]

Ellen Dissed by Striking Writers
The comedian is getting bashed by writers for crossing the picket line during their strike (unlike Conan, Jay and Jon, for example) to go to work on her show. [NYP]

Dog Chapman Slapped with Suit
The girl Dog the Bounty Hunter railed against with racial slurs is now suing the star for slander. Nothing says healing like millions of dollars. [TMZ]

Friday’s Reviews Rage: Fred Claus

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fred_claus.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Fred Claus is something of a disaster and, unfortunately, only the latest misstep from America’s king of sarcasm (and Lieutenant Colonel of flannel shirts), Vince Vaughn. In other news, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. There’s a whole season of these yet to come. Check our “best and worst” holiday films list, and see which Santas rule.

“Lacking the absurdist je ne say what of fellow crank Bill Murray (who tried his hand at Christmas fare with Scrooged), the demonic physical comedy of Ben Stiller (amassing kid cred with Night at the Museum), or the freestyling innocence of Will Ferrell (Elf), Vaughn brings to the kiddie party the same thing he brings to the adult party: a six-foot-five attitude problem. Whether a giant man with an extensive flannel collection and a big mouth will have crossover (or -under) appeal is anyone’s guess.” – The Village Voice

“The post-pumpkin, pre-Christmas family comedy Fred Claus is constructed like a rattling Santa sack of stocking stuffers, most of them plastic, doled out with little confidence about what adults want from a jingle-bell comedy (we want Elf!), and even less about what engages a kid (they want Elf!).” – Entertainment Weekly

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Who’s Peeing in Britney’s Cup?

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britney-spears-1108.jpgK-Fed’s lawyer dragged Britney’s peeps back into court today to fight about the pop star’s inability to respond to drug tests in a timely manner. Apparently Brit has been flaky about 8 of the 14 tests, even though she’s “tested clean” in 10 different times. Impressive! She’s trained Sean Preston to pee in a cup! But even more ridiculous are the excuses her lawyer came up with as reasons for why she’d be missing the phone calls summoning her to the drug tests. Britney apparently changes her phone number so often that she misses calls, and has been lax about answering early morning phone drug testing requests. When the judge argued that taking a morning phone call was not that difficult a task, her lawyer shot back, “But you’re not a pop star with a No. 1 album to promote.”

Interestingly enough, neither is Britney! She’s done nothing to promote her album, which is number two on the charts – the number one slot belongs to The Eagles, natch. So really, rising at 9AM to pee in a cup shouldn’t be that much of a hassle, right? [Image: Getty]

DVD Debut: Tickets To Ride

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Don’t search for new DVDs each week – stop by and we’ll tell you about all the recent titles.

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Help!

Led Zeppelin may be getting all the classic rock press these days, but there are still plenty of Beatles fans around, and it’s likely a few million of them will be lapping up the re-release of Help! The Fab Four’s second flick found them romping through the Bahamas and other far flung locales (some crits thought it was a lampoon of the then-new, intrigue-drenched James Bond movies), evading bad guys while trying to regain a rare piece of jewelry from Ringo‘s finger. It’s a quip fest (the guys’ banter always enhanced their charisma), a giddy backdrop for great tunes (“Ticket To Ride,” “You’re Going To Lose That Girl”) and a template for the entire Monkees empire. Watch a clip from the film after the jump. Check the “I Need You” video here.

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Jay-Z’s Storytellers Airs Tonight!

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The first thing Jay-Z did was grin. “The good news is that I got seven new records. The bad news is that I got to talk you all through it, and I’m not the best public speaker.”

And with that, one of the world’s great rappers kicked-off his Storytellers show. The performance, built around the tracks from the new American Gangster disc, was shot in Brooklyn a few weeks ago, and tells the story of the rise and fall of a guy a lot like Jigga. “This is what would have happened if I didn’t become Jay-Z,” he said. “This is Shawn Carter’s story.” Make the jump for a breakdown of Jay’s set, which airs on VH1 tonight at 9pm.

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Spencer Pratt’s Annoying Sex Tape

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spencer-pratt-1108.jpgSo here’s how this works (or so we think). Spencer gets a brilliant idea to draw attention to his pasty face. He spreads a rumor about his own sex tape to whatever tabloid will listen (sound familiar?) and they pick it up. He makes sure that the rumor paints him as a desirably lover, wanted by women, when we all know that no lady in her right mind, much less a bevy of hot Brazilians, would go near him – clothed or naked. Now sit back and watch the gossip blogs go crazy with sex tape story! You did it, Spencer! Finally, cap off the publicity blitz with the world’s stupidest statement: “I was never on camera, and there is no sex tape. However, I did go to Brazil three years ago to film a jujitsu tournament for a documentary.”

A jujitsu tournament? That’s interesting, because the only thing I’ve ever seen Spencer move on The Hills is his mouth – to insult his girlfriend. Nice try Spence! We think the blond bad boy is behind his latest burst of web-fame, but in case there’s some truth to the story, we promise to be the first in line to watch his Brazilian boot-fest. Cuz aren’t you a little curious too? [Image: Getty]

The Celebreality Interview – Midget Mac

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I’m just gonna put it out there: besides New York herself and Sister Patterson’s claws, Midget Mac is the greatest thing to happen to I Love New York in the show’s run. Having a little person on the show to vie for New York’s love was a novel idea, but during his time on the show, Midget Mac’s character grew out of the shadow of his height (or lack thereof). Before his elimination, New York called him the “biggest little man I ever met,” and she might as well have been speaking for the whole world: we could all learn a thing or two from Midget Mac about keeping our spirits up when life has got us down.

After the jump, Mac talks about his elimination, his fame, his daughters, his life, his use of the word “midget”…really, everything. He’s as open and jovial on the phone as he is on the show. This guy’s the real deal.

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About Last Night: Ultra Fresh Party Pics

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.

The 2007 CMA Awards was packed with artists and actors such as Carrie Underwood, Kellie Pickler, Jamie Foxx, Keith Urban & Nicole Kidman, Jewel, Leann Rimes, Kate Walsh, Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow, Martina McBride, and Taylor Swift.

Eva Longoria, Kerry Washington, Brittany Murphy, Jaime Pressly, and Rachel Zoe were among the celebs at L’Oreal Paris’ “A Night of Hope” to benefit the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.