Michael Jackson Attacks Kid Nation

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We heart Kid Nation, so it’s only natural that this video mash up featuring train wreck Michael Jackson circa 2003 is playing our heart strings like a banjo this morning. We like to imagine how Michael might have ended up wreaking havoc on Bonanza City:

“Okay kids, you won the reward challenge, now here are your two rewards that the Town Council must choose between. Under the first fake old time-y crate, a roasted pig party, complete with grits, hush puppies and Kool Aid! And inside this gilded replica of a 1840′s submarine, musical sensation turned creepy plastic surgery addict, Michael Jackson! So Town Council, what do you pick as your reward?”

Are there any other Kid Nation fans who screamed at the TV last night in joy when Anjay beat that prissy b*tch Olivia in town elections? We’re still celebrating – you can probably smell the root beer on our breath this morning. As for Taylor – she’ll do a lot better being a brat on the bench, don’t you think? Now she really doesn’t have to follow any rules which means her inner Paris Hilton can finally shine. Also, what ever happened to that kid with the purple mohawk? We haven’t seen him since he pushed a wagon in the first episode – is it possible that he’s secretly the same kid as ejected Council member Mike? [via JustJared]

Viva Bonanza City!

Thursday: Ellen Ends Pup War

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Video: Is Ellen Ending Her Dog Drama?
The talk show star has asked her fans to stop the death threats against the shelter owner who took her dog, but her fingers were probably crossed behind her back as she said it. [DListed]

Angelina Rocks New Look on Set
Saint Angie has shipped the fam to LA so she can rock this new dowdy 1940s look in her new flick. She looks more great-grandma than mom, but we’re sure Brad finds it sexy! [X17]

Lilo & Her Man’s Matching Mug Shots
It’s what little girls always dream about when they think of their future boyfriend – his sexy mugshot pic! Do you think they traded pics and wrote love notes on the back of them? [TMZ]

Oprah’s Serious Health Scare
Say it ain’t sOprah! Our favorite woman in the world fell ill with a thyroid problem this summer – but it was nothing a month-long Hawaiian vaca couldn’t cure! [E Online]

Britney’s Secret Court Hearing
There’s no word on why Brit and K-Fed’s lawyers got together with the judge in their custody case yesterday, but we guess it was to gossip about Brit’s latest fashion disaster. [Us Weekly]

Blog Best-Of: DeGeneres’ Dismay

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ellen_links.jpg- Iggy update: the agency that unceremoniously seized Ellen DeGeneres‘ adopted dog has reportedly placed him in a new home. All that wrath for nothing! [Dlisted]

- The massive zipper on Jessica Alba‘s dress screams “easy access!” Now, if she’d only get one for her mouth… [CityRag]

- Kanye West makes a cameo in Common‘s new video. Except Kanye prefers the term “temper-tantrum generator” over “video.” [CONCRETELOOP]

- Pam Anderson‘s wedding dress philosophy seems to be as follows: if it doesn’t show coochie, it’s classy. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

- Kimora Lee Simmons goes pumpkin picking with her daughters. Looks like someone’s in the market for a new head! [Crunk + Disorderly]

Win Tix to the Led Zep Reunion!

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Led Zeppelin
The latest issue of Q magazine finds Robert Plant saying that the “idea of going back to all that again is enough to make me break out in hives.” In this case, “all that” is the much buzzed-about Led Zeppelin reunion, so Plant is a bit of a fibber. As you know, the rock world is celebrating the gathering of the singer, Jimmy Page, and bassist John Paul Jones in the November tribute to their pal and Atlantic Records founder, Ahmet Ertegun. More than a million requests have been made for the 10 thousand available tickets. Meaning lots of people aren’t going to make it to this wildly exclusive show. But you might. Take your chances on our Led Zeppelin Live in London Sweepstakes, and you and pal might be whisked away to the year’s biggest rock show.

Perhaps you know by now that the group’s entire catalog is finally hitting the digital music services on November 13. One of the last digital hold-outs, the band and their money men will now let you crank MP3s of “Dazed and Confused,” “Moby Dick,” and a little something called “Stairway To Heaven.” Guess they knew we were tired of hearing “Rock ‘n’ Roll” in that Cadillac commercial. Check Zep videos at VH1 Classic. Read a classic interview with Jimmy Page.

PS: While connecting with Page has been a bit tough over the years, Plant’s got a new partner and a new disc that you might find intriguing.

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Foxy’s Lawyer Leaves Her After Lame Threat

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foxy1017.jpgFoxy Brown‘s barely got anyone to hang out with in jail for the next year, and to make matters worse her lawyer just ditched her too. The reason? His wife was “threatened” by a man who exited a silver car in front of their apartment building and asked her “How can a beautiful woman like you be beaten up?”

I guess this sounds like a threat, but hey, it could also be a compliment! Or perhaps he was just asking for suggestions on how to beat her if he were to try. It’s kind of nice of the guy to at least ask before he opens a can of revenge whoop-ass on her. Either way, this seems like an easy way for Foxy’s lawyer to get out of representing someone who is surely a difficult client. Just last Friday she refused twice – TWICE – to get on the bus heading to her court hearing because she hadn’t done her hair and make up. Sounds like Mr. Attorney couldn’t handle all the diva coming his way. [Getty]

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Nas: Censored Before He Could Talk?

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nas_censored.jpg

After Nas‘ shocking announcement that his next album, purportedly due in December, would be titled Nigga, his record company has hit back, debunking his claims entirely. A source “close to” Def Jam honcho L.A. Reid told Fox News that there’s no new studio album due from Nas at all (though a greatest-hits set is to hit stores in November), and that even if there were, it probably wouldn’t carry such a potentially offensive title. “How would that look at Wal-Mart?” Terrible next to $5 leggings and this T-shirt, no doubt.

Of course, the very hypothesis that Nas would release an album named Nigga sent the usual suspects’ mouths foaming. Jesse Jackson denounced the title, calling it “socially distasteful,” while the NAACP said the name “shows a real lack of creative imagination.” Interestingly, support for the name came from none other than Don Imus‘ camp: Imus lawyer Martin Garbus called Nigga “a good thing.” “Words like that should be deprived of their meanings, and then they can’t hurt.” Clearly, Imus (or at least, his people) can’t wait to get back to work. [FoxNews.com / Image: Getty]

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The Today Show’s Sex Joke Slip Up

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Oh Meredith Viera! She just can’t help but reveal her true, kinky self on the air – she’s the exact same way after one cosmo at ‘Applebee’s Night’ with her gal pals. Here is the former View co-host making what is either a veiled butt sex joke or a Freudian slip of sorts to a traumatized Jake Gyllenhaal. And to think Brokeback Mountain jokes got old in 2006. Alas, Meredith is probably wishing she knew how to quit them right about now. Zing! [A Socialite's Life]

Enough, Tila Tequila. Enough. (Episode 2 Recap)

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VH1 Wants Tila Tequila

Tila, sweeheart. You have broken our hearts. We will forgive you, of course — how could we not — but we will never forgive MTV. Last night’s display of lewd innuendo and sexual aggression was, simply put, disgusting. A disgrace. A foolish, wanton waste of cash and resources, not unlike all the promotion Microsoft put behind Zune, the coffers Google emptied for YouTube, the treasures that evaporated into wisps of money-colored, cocaine-scented smoke when Lindsay Lohan released I Know Who Killed Me. But we digress. Yes, yes, we do.

We felt worse for having watched A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila last night. We felt so dirty, in fact, that we showered afterward, and we scrubbed hard. We are still raw, Tila. We also still feel dirty. As for you . . . well, we felt for you, but our patience has begun to run thin. MTV treats you like a tarted up piece of rotting flank steak slathered in lipgloss and tottering on stripper heels, and you don’t seem to care. Haven’t you noticed? How long will you turn the other cheek? When will you come to VH1? We would never treat you like that. You were in tears before the first commercial break, honey!

Unacceptable.

Read more…

Suri Cruise: Spoiled Scientolobaby

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suri.jpgBecause we must allow Suri Cruise to do whatever she wants, we are forced to allow her to write this post. Our apologies in advance – she tends to be a bit racy and we can’t control her.

Wazzzup bizzzaches! It’s your girl Sur-diggity in the motherf*ckin’ blogosphere! I’m here to tell you how to raise your kids the Scientology way so they can grow up just like me: rich, spoiled, and totally addicted to wearing cardigan sweaters.

First up: Eff breast milk! Get them kids hooked on good ol’ sugary cornsyrup as soon as they’re out. That’s what my parents feed me – corn syrup, barley and milk. It’s like baby crack!
Next: Let me do what ever I want, fools! My mom and my dad are never allowed to tell me no and it’s working! I get to do whatever I want – why do you think I’ve been allowed to rock this bowl cut for so long?
Lastly: If you aren’t down with L Ron then you aren’t down with me. Both my nannies (that’s right – I got two, a-holes!) are Scientologists and my dad won’t let anyone else near me. So stay the eff away! You smell like normal people, and that scares me.

Holmes?! Where’s my bottle of corn syrup and barley, b*tch?!

pEaCe OuT!!!
*~*~sUrI~*~*

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