Jenna Jameson’s Plastic Alien Pose

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jennaa.jpgHoly bones. Rubber-skinned porn entrepreneur Jenna Jameson looks like she’s just about completed her transformation from human to extra terrestrial. The mother ship surely must be landing soon to pick her up and zap her to Mars! There’s no other way to explain what the hell is going on with her body (well, we can think of a couple things but we don’t want to start rumors). From what we can tell, Jenna looks like a f*cking mess, and her should bones are practically the sizes of her massive breasts. Someone send a platter of bagels over to Club Jenna stat – if she doesn’t eat them maybe she can use them to form some sort of protective covering for her skeletal frame.

Check out more pics below of Jenna modeling (and backstage) in the Heatherette fashion show this past Monday.

Mariah, Janet, Madonna: Divas on Hold

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Much to the chagrin of lambs and drag queens across the globe, Mariah Carey reportedly has pushed back the release of her next album (initially due in November) to February. That makes her the third veteran diva in a row who just can’t hang with the holiday rush: new releases from Janet Jackson and Madonna that were planned for later this year (to cash in on the Christmas buying frenzy) have all been pushed back to an early-2008 release date. In Madonna’s case, her record most likely was held-up due to tepid Internet response of two not-at-all accidentally leaked tracks.

Writer Roger Friedman predicts the early months of 2008 to bring a “Diva Logjam.” If that’s true, who do you think will come out on top in the charts? More importantly, who out of the three of them, could win a mud-wrestling match? My bet’s on Mariah — she has the firmest breasts and their value as weapons cannot be underestimated. [FoxNews.com /Images: Getty]

Lindsay Lohan’s Romantic Rehab Romp

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The tale of Lindsay Lohan stealing another woman’s man at rehab is so juicy that it’s almost as good as one of those steamy, cheese-ball romance novels. So why not make it into one? We’ve used Breanna Tierney‘s interview with the National Enquirer as inspiration for a tale about this torrid, methed-up love triangle. Draw a hot bath, pour a tall glass of non-alcoholic wine and get ready to melt from the heat of Lindsay and Riley’s sober, forbidden love. There’s no treatment for this kind of passion!

Chapter 8: Their Love is Real, the Ring is Not

No moon was shining in the stairwell at the Cirque Lodge rehab facility, as windows were a luxury afforded only to the patients’ bedrooms. But Lindsay and Riley couldn’t touch in their bedrooms – couldn’t even have visitors in there – so this was where they painted the masterpiece of their young love. On the crusty, cigarette-butt covered stairs, their pale bodies mixed with the egg shell white paint until they became one giant canvas, together. Riley pressed his face into Lindsay’s shoulder, inhaling her scent like someone suffering from an asthma attack sucking their inhaler. Tangled in her hair, he was overcome by the sweet smell of the chicken fingers she had for dinner mixed with the pack of Marlboro Reds they had smoked together in group therapy. He grabbed her buttocks and gasped when he felt skin. “Holy eff,” he whispered into her freckled ear. “Your pants are already off?!”

“No you ass.” His red-haired lover’s voice sent chills down his acne-covered neck. “It’s my new Balenciaga small Classique bag in Mustard. I just got it and I didn’t want to put it on the floor. Doesn’t the leather feel nice?”

Overcome by a shared passion for couture goods sculpted from the hides of farm animals and crushed Percosets, they embraced. Their love had become an addiction no intervention could tear apart.

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DVD Debut: Megatron vs Optimus Prime!!!

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Transformers
Don’t search for the new DVDs every week. Come here and we’ll tell you about each title – even if it’s got a smelly side.

Transformers (Two Disc Special Edition)

Thanks to the miracle of the fast forward button, most of the nonsense on this blockbusting behemoth can be skipped over in favor of what we all paid $10 to see: Megatron and Optimus Prime kicking the living diesel out of each other. Pieced together from leftover screenwriting seminars and slumming actors (Jon Voight maybe, but John Turturro is better than this), even director Michael Bay can’t quite bring this junkyard dog to life. The two-disc special edition features Bay commentary and many, many featurettes that provide a peek into the Armageddon helmer’s creative frenzy.

Grindhouse Presents Planet Terror

If Quentin Tarantino‘s half of the Grindhouse road-show subverted the genre, buddy Robert Rodriguez plays it straight — and makes one of his best movies since Desperado. Amid much surface noise and “Aw man . . .” edits, a Texas town, led by stripper-turned-stand-up comic Rose McGowan, fights off an invasion of organ-munching undead. Rodriguez’s commentary holds no bars, and adds value to the package.

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Lance: We Thought Justin Was Gay

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Lance Bass reportedly is coming out (not like that, silly!) with allegations that he thought at least two of his fellow ‘N Sync bandmates were gay. Justin Timberlake, according to him, had professed the desire for a gay role in a film, setting off the now out-and-proud Lance’s gaydar. Chris Fitzpatrick also sent minds wandering: “We thought Chris was gay because he used to hang out with a choreographer.” Well, if he were gay, he’d be more than just hanging!

Of course he thought they were gay! Who didn’t? And who can look at pictures of the other ‘N Sync members, J.C. Chasez and Joey Fatone, without wondering (however briefly), “How you doin’?” In fact, I think the rule for boy-band members (especially those, uh, managed by Lou Pearlman), should be: gay until proven straight. The choreography and falsetto tendencies demand it. There’s no word from Lance on what made him ultimately decide that Justin and Chris weren’t gay. That’s maybe best left up to our imaginations. [contactmusic.com]

Bad Britney! No Kids for You

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The judge in Brit’s custody case has denied the starlet any and all visitation rights with her kids! Oh snap. No sleepovers, no monitored play time, no family dinners where each kid gets his own KFC bucket of Extra Crispy chicken. So why has the starlet’s visits been suspended? Because the Queen of all Idiots “did not provide the drug testing people with contact information so they could reach her to facilitate the random tests.”

Sigh. Come on Britney, get it together! If you don’t, you’re gonna have to resort to some drastic measures to see those kids. Check out the hilarious video above for some sweet ideas – Mrs. Britfire has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? [TMZ. BWE]

About Last Night: Ultra Fresh Party Pics

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.

Ashley Olsen, Kristen Bell, Rachel Bilson, Hayden Panettierre, and Minka Kelly were among those at the Saks Fifth Avenue cocktail party welcoming Christian Louboutin to the West Coast.

Kate Winslet, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kristin Davis, Julianne Moore, and Ne-Yo attended the Boss Black Spring/Summer 2008 Collection Show in NYC.

Naomi Watts, Colin Firth, Elle Macpherson, David Cronenberg, and Martin Freeman (of the British Office) attended BFI 51st London Film Festival’s Presentation of Eastern Promises.

The Celebreality Interview – New York (Upfront and Personal)

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Previously, we posted an interview with New York all covering her thoughts on the new season of her show. Now, we bring you a more behind-the-scenes look at New York: what goes on in her head and what goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling. Below, New York talks about her encounter with a TMZ photographer, the New York Post‘s allegations that she’s racist, her interaction with Mo’Nique on the set of Charm School (“She turned herself into a freak, seriously”) and how she feels about Flavor of Love 3, since it will be going on without her. Get ready for a verbal smackdown after the jump…

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Michael Jackson Attacks Kid Nation

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We heart Kid Nation, so it’s only natural that this video mash up featuring train wreck Michael Jackson circa 2003 is playing our heart strings like a banjo this morning. We like to imagine how Michael might have ended up wreaking havoc on Bonanza City:

“Okay kids, you won the reward challenge, now here are your two rewards that the Town Council must choose between. Under the first fake old time-y crate, a roasted pig party, complete with grits, hush puppies and Kool Aid! And inside this gilded replica of a 1840′s submarine, musical sensation turned creepy plastic surgery addict, Michael Jackson! So Town Council, what do you pick as your reward?”

Are there any other Kid Nation fans who screamed at the TV last night in joy when Anjay beat that prissy b*tch Olivia in town elections? We’re still celebrating – you can probably smell the root beer on our breath this morning. As for Taylor – she’ll do a lot better being a brat on the bench, don’t you think? Now she really doesn’t have to follow any rules which means her inner Paris Hilton can finally shine. Also, what ever happened to that kid with the purple mohawk? We haven’t seen him since he pushed a wagon in the first episode – is it possible that he’s secretly the same kid as ejected Council member Mike? [via JustJared]

Viva Bonanza City!

Thursday: Ellen Ends Pup War

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Video: Is Ellen Ending Her Dog Drama?
The talk show star has asked her fans to stop the death threats against the shelter owner who took her dog, but her fingers were probably crossed behind her back as she said it. [DListed]

Angelina Rocks New Look on Set
Saint Angie has shipped the fam to LA so she can rock this new dowdy 1940s look in her new flick. She looks more great-grandma than mom, but we’re sure Brad finds it sexy! [X17]

Lilo & Her Man’s Matching Mug Shots
It’s what little girls always dream about when they think of their future boyfriend – his sexy mugshot pic! Do you think they traded pics and wrote love notes on the back of them? [TMZ]

Oprah’s Serious Health Scare
Say it ain’t sOprah! Our favorite woman in the world fell ill with a thyroid problem this summer – but it was nothing a month-long Hawaiian vaca couldn’t cure! [E Online]

Britney’s Secret Court Hearing
There’s no word on why Brit and K-Fed’s lawyers got together with the judge in their custody case yesterday, but we guess it was to gossip about Brit’s latest fashion disaster. [Us Weekly]