2007 Celeb Crazy Talk: Dog, LiLo & Brit

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Famous people say the darnedest things, and this year was no exception! We’re honoring the craziest sh*t to come out of their restylane-enhanced mouths this year, and bringing you our fifteen favorite celebrity quotes of 2007.

  • “Eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it!” - Britney Jean Spears, snapping at reporters at her custody hearing.
  • I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps…” - Miss Teen South Carolina, answering the greatest pageant question of all time.
  • “I was really up for some peace and love that morning. I wasn’t up for being called a c*** and being kicked in the head.” - Druggie rocker Pete Doherty after getting dumped by model girlfriend Kate Moss.
  • “I wasn’t driving, the black kid was.” - Lindsay Lohan, after getting pulled over for her coke-fueled, road ragin’ car chase.
  • “There’s a special connection that I thought I had between me and black America. And I used to say, ‘I’m black, too.’ In other words, my whole life I’ve been called a half-breed, a convict, king of the trailer trash, this and that…so when I stood there and said, ‘I kind of know what you feel like, because I’ve been there, too,’ that I felt that I could embrace and like, as brothers…say the word. I now learned I’m not black at all, and I never did it out of hate.” - Dog the Bounty Hunter, defending his use of the ‘N Word’ in a leaked rant.

VH1.com’s Worst Movies of 2007

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We polled, cajoled and otherwise extracted VH1.com’s most loathed movies of 2007 from our normally sunny staff. Here are the results.

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Knocked Up
This should have come with a disclaimer, it required such a suspension of disbelief. In short, stoner-schlub Ben knocks up blonde bombshell Allison during a one-night stand, and over the course of the next nine months cracks jokes, roasts bowls and perpetually disappoints his love interest. Had the film been recognized for its infantilism and sexism rather than its poignancy, it might have been less disturbing. Instead, Knocked Up perpetuated a creepy right-wing agenda, eschewing the issue of abortion altogether (what year is this?) and opting to bind two people (who don’t even seem to like each other very much) together in raising a child. That, coupled with the tangential plotline of Pete and Debbie, Allison’s unhappily married sister and brother-in-law (who make commitment look as pleasant and rewarding as a sexually transmitted disease), made this film work like a PSA for abstinence. (Lauren Harris)

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Ghost Rider
Few comic book films have dared to be this bad — The Punisher with Dolph Lundgren comes to mind, as does Captain America, which starred no one you’ve ever heard of. Ghost Rider, on the other hand, boasts a fairly reputable troupe: Between Nicolas Cage, Sam Elliott, Peter Fonda and Wes Bentley, there’s acting talent to spare. So what went wrong? Was it the story, a jumble about a man who must become an emissary of Hell and whose motorcycle lights on fire whenever he’s in trouble? Not exactly. Was it that the script was so pandering it seemed as though it were written on cocktail napkins at the bar the night before (or perhaps the morning of) shooting? Well, maybe, but that’s not it either. Was it Eva Mendes? Hmm. The biggest problem with this film — among many, many others — was that tale of a ghostly hellion required absolutely no suspension of disbelief from either its actors or its audience. Sure, it’s difficult to suspend disbelief when you’re asked to play a man whose head lights on fire all the time, but hey, isn’t that the job? The original comic and the revived version both contained a sense of sadness, a depth created by Johnny Blaze’s hatred of what he’s become, and a sick fascination with the power it’s given him. Nicolas Cage, who wasn’t always a national embarrassment, might have had the depth to pull this off at an earlier point in his life, but no longer. And no matter, either: They’re already working on a sequel. (Jonathan Durbin)

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Year of the Dog
In this film, Molly Shannon’s spinster character, Peggy, spends most of the first third exhibiting acute emotional instability by imposing her mourning over a dead dog on anyone who will listen. Fine. Then she falls for a dude who’s totally gay, except he’s not because he’s asexual. Sigh. Fine. Then she fills the loneliness of her life by taking up an animal-activist lifestyle, which includes condemning, preaching to and plying with propaganda all who disagree. NOT FINE. That she (spoiler alert!) never receives her comeuppance and is ultimately rewarded with a happy ending for being so damn obnoxious and irresponsible (her job as a secretary allows her to embezzle money from work to save, like, farm chickens or something) suggests that writer-director Mike White actually condones her behavior. He also supports the quirky-indie-comedy pitfall of being so focused on your own charm that you can’t even see how charmless of a condition that is. A complete, utter and offensive waste of time. (Rich Juzwiak)

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Ratatouille
Yes, Ratatouille was visually titillating, as all Pixar movies are, but the story itself was a weak mix of bad jokes and a bland plot that left us craving more. We’ll buy a rat named Remy that lives in France and sounds like he’s from Brooklyn, but we had nothing but hate for that gangly loser Linguini, who, as a main character, had less appeal than a limp noodle. There was nothing to like about him because there was nothing to him except a red ‘fro and some roller skates. And while it was fun to suspend disbelief and watch a rat cook, there was nothing fun about the inexplicable ability Remy had to control Linguini’s limbs while yanking his hair like reins. Couldn’t those Pixar geniuses come up with something better? Audiences loved Ratatouille because we’re trained to drool at Pixar’s magical animation moves. But take away their cartoonin’ skills and all that’s left is a dull story that lacked spice. Waiter, send this flick back to the kitchen. (Kate Spencer)

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*Sex and the City
With a release date slated for late Spring, 2008 and nary a trailer released, I can honestly say I already hate this movie. Let’s dismiss for a moment the geographic particulars of the filming and how disruptive it’s been for New Yorkers, and concentrate solely on what we know: The insufferable television show responsible for screwed-up female values (“I spent my down payment on heels”) has been extended into a feature-length film with all your favorite, one-dimensional characters returning after very public squabbles over cash. So what can we expect? A movie that rests squarely on hair color to delineate the passage of time (“I was so naive and brown-haired!”), some irritating scene narration from SJP (with plenty of puns), and the likelihood that Samantha will gall Charlotte with her sexual escapades. In other words, re-run city. Thanks, HBO. (Lauren Harris)

*Bonus worst-movie-to-be review.

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: November

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

November 14Inhalers and Car Seats – Spears failed one of her mandatory drug tests, which were put in place as a stipulation of her custody agreement. The drug Provigil – which is used to treat narcolepsy — was found in her system. Just two days later, a judge ruled that Britney is prohibited from driving with her children in the car. [Access Hollywood]

November 18Natural Born Hustler – Spears made a stop at the Hustler Store, purveyor of sexy lingerie and sex toys, after midnight. When the pop star attempted to try on the underwear she’d selected, store staff informed her that due to the laws of society and the rules of hygiene, she was not allowed. The star then stripped down in the middle of the store in front of 15 customers. When asked to pay, the late-night skivvy shopper rolled her eyes, and snatched a pink wig as she walked out. [Us Weekly]

November 20Like A Virgin, Only Not – Just two days after her bizarre episode at the Hustler store, Us Weekly wages all out tabloid war, publishing a report that Spears lost her virginity at the tender age of 14, and not to Timberlake, which she’d always maintained. The magazine also revealed several family skeletons in its cover story on the fallen star, chiefly that depression runs in the Spears family, and Britney’s grandmother had committed suicide after her infant son died. [Us Weekly]

November 28Knocked Up?InTouch reports that Britney is in a family way, by producer JR Rotem. Rotem was one of the pop star’s first suitors following her separation from Federline, and confessed to Blender magazine that he’d “f*cked her wheelbarrow style.” InTouch reports that Rotem had confirmed the pregnancy, but Britney pal Sam Lufti quickly quashed the rumor, calling it “B.S.” [JustJared]

November 28Britney’s Very Own Wonderland – On the same day the pregnancy allegations broke, Star magazine had a cover story on Britney’s “Fantasy Room.” Apparently Brit has a room in her house dedicated solely to her kinky sex hobby. Within the mirror-ceilinged room are ticklers, spanking paddles, fur-trimmed handcuffs, costumes and pictures lining the walls of the pop star in a variety of lewd positions. Apart from the double-locked fantasy room, the spy also claimed that Brit’s house is a mess, with feces-stained couches. [Star Magazine]

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2007′s Craziest: Kanye vs. Fiddy

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Two of the music world’s biggest stars, Kanye West and 50 Cent, went at it old school in a battle of words over whose new album – both of which dropped on September 11th – would sell more records. The guys threatened a televised debate over whose album was better, and 50 even claimed that he’d retire from making albums if Kanye beat him with a bestseller, saying “They would like to see Kanye West give me a problem, because I’ve worked myself into a space where I’ve become the favorite. Everybody roots [for] the underdog when he goes against the favorite.” In the end, Kanye kicked Fiddy’s ass, but not before a Rolling Stone cover of the two cemented their feud as a fan favorite. And even though 50 eventually called it out as a stunt, their battle brought some of the fun, the spunk and the street back to an industry saturated with songs about bling, boobs and Bentleys.

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While You Were Having a Life…

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If you were too busy stuffing your face with junk to stuff your brain with gossip and entertainment news over the past few days, have no fear: we’ve rounded up the biggest pop-culture stories that happened over the long weekend. The following is all you need to know about what happened when you were on holiday or just too lazy to turn on the computer:

jay-z_roundup.jpgJay-Z Quit Def Jam – Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Jay-Z came to day, “Beyoncé, with your nose so bright…” Kidding! But Jay really did announce on the 24th that he’s leaving his post as president of Def Jam. There wasn’t much by way of explanation: in the vague wording of his official statement, he’s looking to “take on new challenges.” Bizarrely, he plans to keep recording for the label. If his history with retiring is any indication, expect him back in that leather seat and chomping on a cigar within a year’s time. [E! News]

Katherine Heigl Married – Bland led the bland as the world’s most inexplicable movie star met her singing, songwriting beau Josh Kelley at the aisle Sunday in Park City, Utah. And when they get divorced it will be just as uninteresting! [People]

Lindsay Lohan Turned Out To Be a Sex Addict - I knew she was too good in I Know Who Killed Me to be acting! [News of the World]

Michelle Rodriguez Spent Christmas in Jail – At least someone would have her over. [Us Weekly]

A Woman Was Arrested for Taking a Picture of R. Kelly in Court - And then he peed on her. [Yahoo!]

Will Smith Maybe Said Something Questionable About Hitler…? – On the goodness of human nature, Will Smith reportedly told a Scottish paper: “Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today.’ I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was ‘good’. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.” So, maybe it was foolish of him to attempt to get into Hitler’s brain in the first place, but whatever — he didn’t say that Hitler was good, he said that Hitler was deluded. The distinction was, apparently, lost on the Jewish Defense League who said that Will’s words “spit on the memory of every person murdered by the Nazis.” O RLY? The outcry caused Will’s rep to proclaim the allegations “a lie.” “It speaks to the dangerous power of an ignorant person with a pen.” So, wait, he didn’t say that, then? Sorry, I can’t hear anything over the Christmas carols and rustling of wrapping paper. [TMZ.com]

Britney Spazzed at the Paparazzi – For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. For others, it’s just business as usual. [TMZ.com]

[Image credit: Getty]

2007 Celeb Crazy Talk: Rosie, Paris & Alec

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Famous people say the darnedest things, and this year was no exception! We’re honoring the craziest sh*t to come out of their restylane-enhanced mouths this year, and bringing you our fifteen favorite celebrity quotes of 2007.

  • “Big, fat, lesbian, loud Rosie attacks innocent, pure, Christian Elisabeth.” - Rosie O’Donnell, during her final fight with Elisabeth Hasselbeck before quitting The View.
  • “Dogfighting is a terrible thing…” - Michael Vick, reading a statement after pleading guilty to federal charges of dog fighting.
  • “It was just crazy—one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I don’t know how to explain what happened. I don’t really know myself. I can’t remember what I looked like. I couldn’t recognise myself. It was terrifying—I was terrified. I was so out of control. It just happened. It shocked me. I’m sorry—I just don’t know what got into me.” - Amy Winehouse, describing her summer drug binge and overdose.
  • “You’re a thoughtless little pig.” - Dad of the year Alec Baldwin to his 12-year old, in the venomous voicemail heard around the world.
  • “They say when you reach a crossroad or a turning point in life, it really doesn’t matter how we got there, but it’s what we do next after we got there. Usually you arrive there by adversity, and then it is then and only then that we find out who we truly are and what we’re truly made of. It’s a process, a gift and a journey, and if we can travel it alone, although the road may be rough at the beginning, you find an ability to walk it. A way to start fresh again. It’s neither a downfall nor a failure, but a new beginning.” - Paris Hilton, reading some of the stunning prose she wrote while behind bars for three weeks.

2007′s Craziest: It’s Barely Britney, B*tch

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No matter how many times Lindsay left rehab or how many tears Paris shed in prison, 2007 belonged to Britney Spears. And nothing – NOTHING – solidified her complete transition from teen star to train wreck more than her botched performance at the MTV VMAs in September. The sequined bikini, the dead look in her eyes, her stumbled dance moves and half-assed attempt at lipsyncing all sealed the deal. It was truly too much for most people to stomach. The whole world was rooting for a comeback, and well – we got one. After that five-minute mess, the world gave up on Britney because Britney gave up on Britney. And that, my friends, should be a used as a lyric in a song on her next album, permitting that she actually gets out of her Frappu-coma and heads back into the recording studio.

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: October

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

Britney_SpearsOctober 3Loses Mind, Babies – After a three-hour hearing where both Brit and K-Fed were present, primary custody was awarded to Federline, while Spears received monitored visitation. In order to regain custody privileges, Spears would have to obtain a California driver’s license, attend parenting classes with Federline and submit to drug tests. The judge warned Spears to take his threats seriously. [MTV News]

October 5Nobody’s Home — Just two days after the custody hearing wherein Federline was awarded full custody, the singer’s erratic behavior – and a broken intercom – caused her to miss her initial visit with her sons Jayden James and Sean Preston. Spears had initially planned to have her sons visit her at the Beverly Wilshire, then changed the location to her Malibu manse so as to make them more comfortable. The kids returned to Federline after several attempts to reach Spears, who was said to be inconsolable. [DListed]

October 26“Snort it, eat it, lick it…” – At the follow-up custody hearing where Spears hoped to regain partial custody of her children, television correspondents inquired how the proceedings were going. Initially Spears responded that things were “great,” then burst into a Tourette’s-type rage and shouted, “Snort it, eat it, lick it, f*ck it.” [OK! Magazine]

October 29Blackout, Indeed – Without irony, Britney names her first studio album in four years Blackout. The name is intended as a message to ward off all the harm-wishers and haters who’d like to see the one-time Queen of Pop fail. The album, in addition to topping the charts, enrages the Catholic community, as it features shots of Ms. Spears seated on an attractive young priest’s lap. [NY Daily News]

October 30Everyday is Halloween, Even Halloween – In a bizarre turn of events, Britney ventures out for Halloween, just like unfit mothers around the globe. But they typically only have one costume. Apparently our girl spent over $1,000 on seven different get-ups. First up, Brit hit Winston’s as a slutty pirate wench, but quickly tired of the costume. Instead of leaving, she chatted up the bartender, stating “You have nice tits. Mine are all saggy!” before demanding the bartender switch outfits with her. The following evening Britney was spotted out in her magenta cat-suit. [OK! Magazine]

[Image: X17]

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2007′s Craziest: Vanessa’s Vajayjay

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vanessa-hudgens-2007.jpgLate this summer Vanessa Hudgens taught all of young Hollywood an important, valuable lesson – don’t take photos of yourself naked when you’re the star of a show beloved by billions of five-year olds. But honestly, we’re REALLY glad she did, because she made our summers that much sexier and entertaining! The up and coming starlet took the pics for one of her teen boy toys (either Drake Bell or Zac Efron) and the incident almost got her booted from the cast of the upcoming High School Musical 3. But all it took was a statement through her rep to make it all go away. She said, “This was a photo which was taken privately. It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public.”

No it’s not. It’s awesome, and it made 2007 infinitely better. In a year where Paris Hilton got licked up and Nicole Richie knocked up, it was a relief to discover which hot young thing was taking control of the Hollywood scandal scene.

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Top 20 Singles of the Year (16-20)

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As 2007 dwindles down, we look back at our favorite tracks. For each of the past three Tuesdays, we’ve sung the praises of the 20 songs that made our year. See what made the cut, and let us know what you think of our choices.

Kanye West, “Stronger” from Graduation (ROC-A-FELLA)

17_kanye.jpgBased around Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,” West’s top-charting single from his third album is part dance, part Nietzschean manifesto. Slamming together beats and rhymes in a furious display of his pop-star prowess, the producer-cum-rapper explains in no uncertain terms why he is the best thing to ever happen to music in the history of everything. Yes, some of the references are awkward, but his savvy wit and deep knowledge of the news of the day serves him well; any song that manages to somehow fit Kate Moss, O.J. Simpson, Isotoner gloves, Christian Dior, Louis Vuitton, A Bathing Ape, Prince and Apollonia into even a loose rhyme scheme is impressive. The video, which stars actors wearing Daft Punk’s robot suits and West’s post-post-modern fashion sense (Jeremy Scott sunglasses, Akira apparel), is the true star here, though, since it manages to both produce a vaguely coherent narrative and look extremely cool. Blame West’s fascination with Japanese art: His love of underground Japanese cultural lodestone Nigo (an artist, musician, clothing designer and all-around cultural kingpin) and artist Takashi Murakami have added up to something new entirely. Where the Wu-Tang were once fascinated by Bruce Lee, West has updated hip-hop’s not-so-latent orientalism. He wears it well.

Spoon, “Finer Feelings,” from Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (MERGE)

16_spoon.jpgIt seems Spoon saved the best for almost-last when they placed “Finer Feelings” as the penultimate track on Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. While the song traffics in many of the things the Austin quartet have been doing best for over a decade (bright, spiky indie pop with a dollop of barely concealed contempt from too-cool frontman Britt Daniel), it also comes with a few new features. Starting with a sample from Mikey Dread, a collaborator of known Spoon-influence the Clash, Daniel launches into what might be his most personal song to date, a portrait of the artist as a young man: “I was part-time at the Tasty Prawn/ That and moving furniture and cutting lawns/ Covered in newsprint, staying up real late/ Just holding out for some fate.” The band then devolves into a melodic cacophony, an interlude straight out of the “Day In The Life,” playbook, all ricocheting guitar, Motown bassline and what sounds like a moaning, slowed-down harmonica. Daniel resorts to a series of “do do do do,” so as not to detract from the symphony of detail he’s conjured.

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