Weather Report: Very Breasty Tonight

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Nimrods surround us, no doubt. But what kind of nimrod actually tries to “honk” the boobs on a computer generated chart of the female torso while he’s delivering the weather forecast to a Nowheresville, Indiana TV audience?

Web Junk is back in action. Be sure to watch it tonight on VH1.

Radiohead’s Happy New Year

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Radiohead: What eminently likeable rapscallions they are.

In addition to snookering the entire record industry by releasing their latest collection, In Rainbows, on their own, without the mitigation of label distribution and/or marketing (really makes you wonder whether Seinfeld needed to torture everyone with that Bee Movie campaign, doesn’t it?), the experimental British post-rockers topped Billboard’s album charts this past week. The amount of records sold was negligible — they didn’t even break 130,000 — but still, for a band that basically gave away its new album for free online, that’s not half bad. Because Radiohead loves you, they’ve released videos of them performing songs off their new album. Watch “Jigsaw” (above), “Unravel,” “Reckoner” and “Bodysnatcher” here now. The lo-fi charm is undeniable. Just try to deny it, and we’ll send 10 rabid Radiohead fans to your house now to explain why you’re wrong. They’ll do it, too. Trust us.

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Adrien & Lindsay: LaLa’s Sleaziest Couple?

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lindsay-adrian2.jpgAdrien Grenier, better known as the allegedly sexy Vincent Chase on Entourage (personally I think he looks like one of the dudes on Cavemen), has been casing the country recently searching for some easy tail. Adrien allegedly propositioned a pair of pals in Miami over the holidays with, “Why don’t we just all go upstairs? I want to sleep with both of you.’?” He was also spotted hitting on a girl at a party in NYC by asking her name and occupation, followed by, “That’s cool. So how about we go home and I f*ck the sh*t out of you?”

Hard to resist, surely, but the girl shockingly turned him down. But now the dude has wised up and gone after someone of his own, er, caliber: Italian stallion rider, Lindsay Lohan. The pair reportedly went on a date this week in Beverly Hills, where their conversation surely flowed like the finest red wine:

Adrien:So, what do you do?
Lindsay: I’m an actor. You?
Adrian: I’m an actor too.
Lindsay: Cool. So…
Adrian: Yeah, so. Do you wanna go-
Lindsay: Yes, now.

Kung Fu Candidates

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Kung Fu Candidates: Hillary Clinton vs. Mike Huckabee.

Election fever’s got most of the media in a tizzy, and we’re no exception. Now we can take out our anxieties in a new online game, where players can choose a politician (Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Bill Richardson, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani or John McCain) and fight, Mortal Kombat style, for total domination. The fun lies in each character’s special power. Mitt Romney, for instance, can turn into the Terminator. Hillary Clinton can produce a ghostly version of her husband, who attacks her foes with punches to the face. And they say American youth isn’t interested in politics! Shows them!

Britney Better Bring it to Court on Monday

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britneyjanuary11.jpgRegarding the above post title, “it” could and does mean many things. She should bring herself, obvs, and her best behavior. She should probably also bring her meds, some smokes, a lighter, a secret stash of Cheetos and a bra. Maybe her sanity too. Because Monday’s custody could very well be the biggest day in Brit’s career as a mom – and as America’s favorite past time. Britney MUST attend the hearing, and if she does not show up or is difficult during the process (according to some insiders), she’ll never be able to lock herself in the bathroom with her kids again.

TMZ also reports that firefighters, police officers and medics will be testifying in court, and the sheriff’s department will be on stand-by in case Britney freaks out in court. SO basically, Monday is going to be the best day ever. Brit’s back from her 24-hour Mexico vacation with her boyfriend, and the two spent last night romantically driving around and hitting up gas stations. Maybe they’ll stay int his weekend and prepare for Brit’s big day? Eh, probably just the opposite.

Kevin Federline Wants to Ruin Music Again

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Just because everyone’s all up K-Fed’s butt complimenting him for being a good parent doesn’t mean we want to him to create more of his special brand of hip-hop. Does anyone really even think that highly of him? The only reason he looks so good these days is because he’s being compared to Britney Spears, and that’s like comparing a car accident to a nuclear disaster. And while Federline is wise enough to not create another album himself, he’s apparently hard at work producing what are surely Popozao rip-offs. An insider says, “Kevin has been actively producing, nurturing new artists and doing it all from his home studio, so he can be there for his kids whenever they need him. He loves the music business and is committed to making it a career for himself, even if it’s not as a singer. He knows no one will ever take him seriously as a performer, so he’s working behind the scenes as a producer.”

Okay okay, that’s kinda sweet, but isn’t music made by K-Fed just as bad as music performed by K-Fed? He should stick to what he’s good at – making babies – instead. [E Online]

Zac Efron Teaches Kissing 101

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zac_efronThat tossled hair, the crystal blue eyes, those reportedly fake eye lashes. Ah swooon….as if all that weren’t enough, High School Musical Heartthrob Zac Efron is now dishing on his favorite types of kisses! Efron spoke with J-14 magazine, and gave its pre-teen readers a lesson making-out. “Be respectful of the other person and don’t just get on in there and grope all over the place.” Apparently, Zac’s favorite lip locks occur when he’s “taken it nice and slow.”

Zac’s least-favorite kisses? “When girls rotate their tongues around your mouth like a washing machine, that’s not a good idea.” Also: “Go easy and take your time. Don’t try to swallow the person by opening your mouth so wide!” Zac declined to comment on whether Lil Wayne was gentle, and how girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens rates.

Friday: Suri Cruise is Wise Beyond Her Years

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suri-cruise.jpgJessica Alba Totally Psyched About Baby Bump
She says of her life, “It’s the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fiancé – everything.” This chick is the reason why girls hate other girls. [People]

Brit’s Kid Covered in Bruises, Bite Mark
Cops were worried, but it turns out Jayden got the bruises at K-Fed’s house and the bite from his older bro. And here we thought Brit confused him for a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. [Us]

Pam Anderson Calls Marriage: “Can of Worms”
Spoken like someone who gets married after knowing the guy from 2 months. [Us]

Katie Holmes Raves About Suri
“She’s a very strong woman,” Katie Holmes says of her daughter”…And really magical.” Um, and you’re a very creepy woman. And really brainwashed. [People]

Rosie And Elisabeth Make Up
If these two can become friends again, than world peace is possible! Though, their friendship is way more important than ethnic groups who have battled for centuries, obvs. [People]

Examining Rehab with Dr. Drew (Episode 1)

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Welcome to our coverage of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew! To recap the episodes, we’ll be running an interview series every week, which will allow Dr. Drew to delve further into the episode’s main points and issues. After the jump is our first installment, in which Dr. Drew gives us his initial impressions of each of the Rehabbers.

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Mary J. & Maroons Will Rock Pepsi Smash

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What could be better than seeing Mary J. Blige or Maroon 5? Seeing Mary J. Blige and Maroon 5! The Queen of Hip-Hop Soul and the Cali funksters are hitting Glendale, Arizona to play the NFL Pepsi Smash Bowl Bash. Expect plenty of top-secret, special guests joining Mary and Maroon, arena-worthy performances, and absolutely no boob-flashing.

Can’t make it to the show? We’ll be broadcasting it on VH1 on February 2nd at 9pm. Can’t wait that long? Check out our Pepsi Smash site, with tons of videos and performances by Mary J. and Maroon 5.

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