Holy crap everyone! Jennifer Lopez can have BABIES! Maybe even – get this – TWO of them! We are FREAKING OUT! I mean seriously, can you imagine – a woman having a baby!? Much less, a super famous woman who makes bad movies and sing mediocre songs that are fun to dance to after two mojitos! Here we were thinking all Jennifer Lopez could do was look hot in revealing Versace dresses and ruin Ben Affleck‘s career. But we were wrong. Dead wrong. She can – gasp! – reproduce. Who cares if millions of other women do this every year. This is J. effing LO we are talking about! We should get a day off from work when her child (children?) is born! Let’s face it – we will be too in awe to even look at the computer screen. Most of all, we can’t wait to hear how she accomplished this amazing feat. We hope that her husband Marc Anthony had something to do with it! Whee! [Us Weekly]
Boooooo. This week’s episode of The Hills was just a “Cram Session” of the season thus far with 2 clips of never before seen footage thrown in to entice us uber-fans. Seeing as we already know what happened and the new footage was dumber than Spencer, let’s talk about what really matters – Jen Bunney and Heidi’s (allegedly) new noses. Whose do you think looks better – and faker?
Where’s the best place to see Bruce Springsteen? Don’t make me actually write down the answer – you know it’s Jersey. Those fans without tickets to this evening’s E Street Band bash at Continental Arena in East Rutherford (which is most of the people on the planet) can get a fix. At 8 pm EST, we’re cutting into the show and pulling out a couple performances for you. One tune is definitely “Radio Nowhere,” the blistering firebomb from the singer’s new Magic. The other is a Springsteen classic that the guys are keeping us guessing about. We’ll find out when they tear into it.
And don’t forget: Tivo fiends need to set their controls for the all-Bruce marathon that’s taking place today on VH1 Classic. The channel is awash in documentaries, live performances, “Storytellers” footage, and other great stuff.
If you’re looking to get tickets to some of the E Street shows, the tour rolls on at these stops.
What classic song do you think the band will play tonight on VH1?
Pam Anderson Pregnancy Rumors Heat Up
Pam and her new hubby Rick Soloman have apparently come together to create a baby. We hope they taped the conception – it’ll make a great 21st b-day gift! [DListed]
Britney Spears Passes Her Drug Test
Gasp! She couldn’t possibly have – but she did! Is Brit a better mom than we thought? [Us Weekly]
Kiefer’s Going to Jail for DUI
They’re locking him up for a total of 48 days. Surely his Jack Bauer skills can get him out of the clink, right? [TMZ]
Kid Rock’s Got Love for Pam
The guy offers up some choice words about his ex-wife to David Letterman. Think he’s bitter? [People]
Lindsay’s Cuddly Shopping Trip
The starlet drags her new boyfriend on a shopping spree. Does this poor kid know what he’s getting into? [X17]
- A racier cut of Britney‘s “Gimme More” video hits the web with scenes of a shirtless Brit dancing with tape over her boobs. I’ve never felt such sympathy for adhesive. [Dlisted]
- Rihanna takes to the streets showing off her new toy poodle. That’s not a euphemism, unfortunately. [CONCRETELOOP]
- Fergie goes head to head with Salt-N-Pepa and J.J. Fad in a mash-up. And in the end, all that’s left of Fergie is a puddle of Botox. [CityRag]
- Janet Jackson says she’s writing a book about her weight loss and gain. It’s called Ribs: Scarfing ‘Em Down and Taking ‘Em Out. [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Joel Madden, please remove your shirt. I’m craving beef (but not ribs, obv!). [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Now and then our Tour Survival Guide will check in with rockers about life on the road. VH1’s You Oughta Know artist Brandi Carlile tells us about missing dogs, swallowing gum, and her groupies.
Gumming Up the Works
I used to really like Orbitz, but now I like that gum Stride. It lasts forever. It’s like the everlasting gobstopper in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. [I chew gum on stage] all the time. I get so much sh*t for it because I’m always chewing on stage and people can hear you chewing gum, which is not a good thing. I’m a total gum swallower too.
The Dog Whisperer
[The hardest part of touring is] not having animals around. I feel so much more like myself when there are animals around. If I go to the park [while I’m on tour] and I see squirrels I’m like, “Oh thank god there’s animals.” If I could bring a dog on the road I would be so happy. Someday I will take my dog on the road.
Ah, New York’s back, and it’s as though she never left. Everything feels so familiar! Oh, wait…is that because the opening footage on this first episode is the same opening footage we saw on the first episode last time around?
No matter. The boobs are bigger, the hair is nicer, the men are hotter and the weirdness is…weirder.
For example, say hello to my little friend:
He’s shy at first, but he really opens up once you get to know him.
Oh, Tila. You are the queen of the Internets, the Maharani of MySpace, the raison d’etre behind MTV’s most gripping program since Johnny Knoxville unwisely lit out for the brighter (?) lights of B-movie tripe. You have won our hearts, our souls, and, more recently, our eyeballs.
Tonight your show debuts. We are counting the minutes. Every second seems a smelly, unreasonable eternity. We should explain: We will be watching A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila very, very closely, for we will be recapping the show here at the VH1 Blog. We will thrill to the sight of your bisexual dating program, wherein men (if you can call them that) and women (whose average mien appears influenced by and promotional of Human Growth Hormone and the San Fernando Valley) compete for your affections.
It is, we say, an historical moment. We have been waiting far too long. So, apparently, have certain frothy elements of the culture, whose right-wing sensibilities and conservative spending habits have been offended by your young, lithe, nubile, tanned . . . er, ambitions. We are proud to see you taking a stand for diversity — not to mention dignity, a staple that’s lately gone missing from the larder — on your MySpace blog. You write:
“Ever since the announcement of my new TV show(about being bisexual) I know that it has raised quite the controversy…especially with the conservatives, but even more recently, THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH!!! They have made it clear that what I am doing is wrong and that I am ‘cooperating with the adversary’ It’s ridiculous!”
Oh, Tila. At VH1, we would never assume you were colluding with Satan.
Tila Tequila Takes All Comers
Though J. Lo is keeping tight-lipped on the subject of her pregnancy (see: taciturn appearances on TRL, Good Morning America), there’s someone else who isn’t: husband Marc Anthony‘s ex-wife. Perezhilton.com is reporting that Anthony’s ex, and the mother of his two children, granted an interview with the Spanish-language media during which the former Miss Universe reportedly sniffed, “I suppose they’ll be very happy together.” Lopez’s probable pregnancy has been the source of much speculation since the singer started wearing lose fitting clothing and tented dresses.
And speaking of J. Lo’s recent closet criticism, check out the looks she’s sported throughout her career — from Fly Girl to Mrs. Marc Anthony, and everything in between.
It’s kind of unclear where exactly Lindsay Lohan is at the moment – but one thing’s for certain, she is NOT at rehab. The actress has transitioned out of Cirque Lodge and is currently in a “non-residential program” in Utah where she will continue her treatment before heading off to shoot her new movie Dare to Love Me. Next stop after that – back to Utah for more rehab luv! Linds has already started blabbing about her new self in the latest issues of OK! and In Touch. The girl gives the same ol’ story of every other rehabilitated starlet (remember Paris’ pile of BS after jail?). To summarize:
New boyfriend, didn’t sleep with old guy, cleaned common area, never going to night clubs again, real friends don’t pressure me to go out, hit rock bottom, going to Africa, love siblings, Karma is a bitch, I am woman hear me roar. Also I am a genius-super talented-God’s gift to the earth actor. So there.
Check out pics of Lilo’s new 25-year old snowboarder boyfriend Riley and enjoy personal rehab pics taken by Lindsay herself. And yeah, we wish the newly clean starlet the best. [Perez Hilton/DListed. Image: Getty]