Wednesday: Jessica Wants Us to Like Her

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jessica-simpson-1114.jpgJessica Simpson’s Fake Boyfriends
Apparently her dad is responsible for planting items about Jess and Owen Wilson to help promote her image and album. Cuz everyone loves a girl who dates a charity case! [MSNBC]

Jon Bon Jovi for Governor of Jersey?
The rocker is ready to give politics a bad name. As in Governor Bon Jovi. [NYP]

Pics Prove Jake & Reese’s Love
Sure they’re boring, but they’re also kind of perfect together in that ‘sometimes it’s fun to watch paint dry’ sort of way. [Us]

Angelina Jolie the Journalist
The actress is penning a piece for The Economist, which we hope is about how making babies with Brad Pitt will change the world. [Us]

Britney Heads Back to Court
Here’s a tip Brit – have one of your babies drive and you won’t end up back in court every couple of days. [TMZ]

Hottie of the Week: Natalie Portman

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Photo_20x9_1 Natalie Portman Pics

It’s not often that beautiful actors combine mercury-boiling hotness with smarts, but we’ve found our dream girl in Natalie Portman. She burst onto the scene by starring in The Professional at the tender age of 13, then kept her head on her shoulders long enough to earn a college degree — from Harvard, no less. This week’s Hottie has been lauded by mainstream critics as the next Audrey Hepburn while keeping the respect of the ever-important indie dork contingent by playing both Queen Amidala in Star Wars and Zach Braff’s love interest in Garden State. And though Portman’s new flick, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, is decidedly more PG-13 than her recent bottom-baring turn in Hotel Chevalier (the short-film prequel to Wes Anderson’s The Darjeeling Limited), we’re still happy to crown her Hottie of the Week.

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Kim Kardashian Is a Sexy Genius

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kim-k-1113.jpgHey President Bush – we have a nomination for the Supreme Court or Attorney General or the House of Smarties (we know you have one dude, come on). It’s America’s sweet-heart sweet-ho, Kim Kardashian. As we’re sure you know, the second half of a sex tape featuring Kim and singer/Brandy brother Ray J is about to be released, and last week a voicemail message left for Ray J from his former lover was released. In it, Kim is pissed off to the extreme and even ends the thing in a bizarre, ‘I’m about to get murdered’ scream. Amazing.

Turns out, the voicemail is allegedly a fake – staged! – by Ray J and the Dashster. You could kind of tell by the way Kim uses her bedroom voice to tell him over and over how “disgusting” and “desperate” he is. But still, how smart is Kim?! This bag-o-brains is solely responsible for her leap onto the D List. Have you ever seen anyone maneuver a “career” so expertly? Give her five years and she’ll really be on the rise, dating Corey Haim and winning Dancing With the Stars. If you don’t believe us that she’s on her way, think again – her reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians just got picked up for a second season. More drunk driving, stripper shoes and underage pole dancing – hurray!

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Blog Best-Of: Tila’s Temptation

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tila_links.jpg- Tila Tequila reveals that she would like to have sex with Lindsay Lohan and help her out in life. She seems to realize the two are mutually exclusive – Tila’s smarter than I thought. [Jezebel]

- Alicia Keys‘ MySpace was hacked. If we’re lucky, next time, they’ll hack her personality. [SOULBOUNCE]

- Heidi Klum says that Britney Spears taught her a lot about diapers. Their next lesson? Baby Powder 101. [Dlisted]

- Janice Dickinson gets tortured on UK TV. Looks like karma’s an even bigger bitch than she is. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

- Sharon Stone shows off some camel toe. Consider this another sequel to Basic Instinct. [CityRag]

[Image: Getty]

The Hills: Let’s All Forgive and Forget Heidi!

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Surely Justin Bobby had something thoughtful to say about all the drama between Lauren and Heidi on this week’s episode of The Hills

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…But he was too busy getting hammered on his date with Audrina and busting out some celebratory burps to care. By the way, that tattoo of a pair of scissors on his arm just reminded us that JB is not a grunge model or a professional motorcycle seat warmer, but a hairdresser. Interesting that he felt the need to express his passion for hair fashion on his arm but not on his head.

Under the jumpforgiving and forgetting at its best!

Read more…

Yorke to McCartney: Let’s Just Be Friends

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paul_mccartneyUsually, when Paul McCartney asks you to do something, you do it (we’re looking at you, Heather Mills). Turns out enigmatic Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke doesn’t feel that way. When one half of the most famous songwriting duo in the history of music asked Yorke to duet with him, Yorke turned him down.

In an interview with the UK’s Channel 4, McCartney shared what happened when he tried to make Yorke Michael Jackson to his, uh, McCartney: “My daughter was putting an album together and she put us in touch. I asked Thom to do a duet, but he said he couldn’t because he only felt happy working on his own and Radiohead’s material.”

Which would have been a completely reasonable excuse, had Yorke not gone on to duet with Bjork (“I’ve Seen It All”), German electro outfit Modeselektor (“The White Flash”) and Beck (“I’m Set Free”). What do you think — is Thom too cool for Macca?

When New York Met Lil’ Mama

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New York has gone Hollywood, and she doesn’t care who knows it. The grande dame of Celebreality attended last night’s premiere of This Christmas in Los Angeles, where she hobnobbed with rapper Lil’ Mama, Chris Brown, Loretta Devine, Regina King, Malcolm Jamal Warner (Theo!) and more. Check the gallery below for more shots of New York and other celebs at the event.

[All images: Getty]

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Kanye Mourns Mom as Her Doc Gets Shady

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Late last night rapper Kanye West issued a statement regarding the death of his beloved mom, Donda West, over the weekend. In it he thanked fans for their support and kind words, spoke about his mother’s life as an educator, and requested that donations be made in lieu of flowers to the Kanye West Foundation/Loop Dreams Teacher Training Institute.

Yet the emerging scandal surrounding Donda’s death continues to grab headlines, as more information is revealed about the plastic surgery that took place just hours before her passing. A plastic surgeon, Dr. Andre Aboolian, with whom West had consulted, came forward to state that he had advised that she receive medical clearance before moving forward with the procedures. West did not end up receiving treatment from Dr. Aboolian, and now the doctor who did treat her has come forward to accuse Aboolian of being “sleazy and manipulating.” Dr. Jan Adams (a dude) says that West met with him for four months about the surgery and changed her mind numerous times on whether or not she would move forward with the breast augmentation and tummy tuck. Heres where it gets shady: it turns out that Dr. Adams was almost suspended by the Medical Board of California after three DUI convictions. TMZ has also turned up two “malpractice judgments” against the doctor, and allege that West’s operation lasted 8 hours - twice the time it normally takes. Adams has also appeared on Oprah and co-hosted The Other Half - that short-lived male version of the The View.

Of course, these recent allegations still do not change the simple fact that Kanye lost his mom in a sudden and unexpected manner. Our thoughts remain with the rapper and his family during this difficult time. [Image: Getty]

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