K-Fed’s Lawyer Launches Britney Beatdown

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britney-1214.jpgLook out Brit! K-Fed’s legal mafia and their heads of sexy, graying helmet hair are coming after your ass, and they’re intent on bringing you down. Good ol’ Mark Vincent Kaplan is majorly ticked off that Brit was too fragile and “sick” to participate in his deposition, but magically healed when it came time to party and puff ciggs later that night. This is the fourth time Britney – who seems to think she’s above the law – has avoided her court-ordered deposition. Now MVK (Just like MKO!) is asking the Commissioner in the custody case to “bar Britney from asking for anything more than she already has under court order.” He can also ask that Brit pays his legal fees, but he hasn’t gone there yet. We bet he will though! Homeboy needs money to keep that hair groomed. [TMZ]

Superhead To Give You Record, Head

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superheadAs though it wasn’t news enough that Eddie Murphy is starting a record label, check out his roster of talent: Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. The self-proclaimed video vixen has already put out a book of her sexual exploits with the rap world’s biggest (and, um…not biggest) stars, and now she’s working on an album for Eddie’s Murphy Entertainment, due out in March. We can hardly contain our excitement! Here are a few tracks we hope made the cut:

1. Bobby Brown, I Love You But Get Off My Couch
2. I Went Down On Eddie Murphy And All I Got Was This Record Deal
3. My Boyfriend (The Guy From Family Matters)
4. Whitney, I Got Your Man
5. My Homie-Lover-Friend (f. Lil Wayne)
6. Your Blue Dress [For Monica Lewinsky]
7. The Hot Dog Song
8. It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself (I Know, I Know)

Our very own Irv Gotti had a little to say on the topic of Superhead and her favorite pastime. Check out the link to hear Mr. Gotti extolling the merits of fellatio [NSFW or children].

2007′s Craziest: Hoff’s Hamburger

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Some gossip stories are too big to forget. We’re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You’ll get a new one posted every day.

Some may award Chris Crocker of Tay Zonday with the prize for Internet Video of the Year, but we think the most deserving person is David Hasselhoff‘s daughter Taylor. Hoff’s 16-year old was responsible for capturing her pops boozed up, lying on the floor and stuffing his face with a hamburger, urging him not “get alcohol.” Bravo! With stellar camera work, a heartbreaking tale and a D-List Hollywood star, it’s Oscar worthy for sure! After the vid made it’s way across the internet onto TV, Hasselhoff released a statement that said, “I am a recovering alcoholic…Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters, who were concerned for my well-being, there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game.”

Fortunately for us, the Hoff is back on his game, serving as a judge on America’s Got Talent and working on a remake of his hit 80′s show Knight Rider. And of course, being a awesome, open, drunk of a dad.

Friday: Full House Party

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olsens-1214.jpgOlsens Get Boozy with Saget & Stamos
The gang drank and ate together at a downtown hotel, but didn’t invite their other co-stars to tag along. How rude! [NYP]

Ryan Gosling Macks Heath’s Ex
Michelle Williams goes after another boring dude to make her dull life complete. [NYP]

Heidi Montag’s New Song Leaks, Sucks
Check out The Hills star’s new single. It makes Gimme More sound like the music of angels in heaven. [Us]

Britney’s New Video Drops
After watching her move awkwardly in the first 20 seconds of her video for Piece of Me, we wonder if Brit will ever truly dance again. [People]

Winehouse Wants a ‘White’ Christmas
Amy has promised to get her life together in 2008, but first she wants to hold a major blowout at her house. With a lot of blow. [The Sun]

Ice-T’s Got A Big Ole Joystick

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icet.jpg Lots of us have gaming fever. So it’s no surprise that Ice-T likes to get super focused on the screen and the strategy. In a chat with our game site, he recently said that being alone and riding the mouse are two of his favorite things.

“I’m a very solitary cat. If I have five guys over and we’re talking business, I’m like, ‘OK, time for y’all to leave.’ With games online, I can play with a lot of people without having them over my house to eat my sh*t. ”

What’s the O.G. playing these days? Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, and Kane & Lynch: Dead Men. Says Ice: “As much trouble as I got in…all these guys do is try to shoot cops.” Told you: O.G.

Tila Tequila: Battle of the Sexes (The Fantasy Episode)

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tila-wood.jpg
Tila, sweetheart, night-blooming jasmine of our love, how disappointed we were that you extended your show’s run by another week. We knew that you were a master of suspense, a sensei in the art of the tease, a certified Ph.D in the prolonging of climax, but we were ill-prepared by how empty our lives would feel, not knowing whether or not you would choose Dani or Bobby to become your paramour for yet another seven days. And so, our hands clasped behind our heads, our breath deep, slow and somnolent, we lay in bed and fantasized about what you could possibly have in store for your firefighting sweetheart and your film-student pookie-kins. In short, this is our dream episode of A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, one which will never air. But in our dreams, in the visions of you that spring so readily to the fore of our minds during the bewitching hours after-dark, we realized an essential truth about the nature of your contestants. Sometimes, the masculine is the feminine . . . and vice-versa. How bizarre.

Read more…

Britney’s Worst Year Ever: March

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year_in_britney_3.jpg

You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

March 5Anarchy in the R.C. – A little thing like rehab wasn’t going to stop the amazing stories about Britney from coming. In what might be the most deliciously ridiculous tale to be told about Britney this year (though, to be fair, that Chinese-twins adoption thing may take the cake), our anti-hero is said to have scrawled 666 on her head, screamed, “I am the Antichrist!” and then attempted to hang herself. Lucky for an Earth full of voyeurs, she was not successful. [Softpedia]

March 15Coke Addict – Even more highly unlikely, but-wouldn’t-that-be-awesome-if-it-were-true yarn emerged (can you tell how bored the press was during the 30 days Brit was away?): Star reported that Britney had a 24-can-a-day Coke habit. For the caffeine buzz that would give you, the 3,300 calories would be but a small price to pay, no? The other part of the rag’s story is that Britney was a raving diva in rehab. That part wasn’t so hard to believe. [Star]

March 21Free at Last! – Britney left rehab and leaped right back into our arms. Or maybe it just seemed that way. Her to-be-ex-manager Larry Rudolph issued a statement, claiming that Britney had “been released by the Promises Malibu Treatment Center after successfully completing their program.” As the remaining nine months of 2007 would teach us, “successfully” is a relative term. [People]

[Image source: X17]

2007′s Craziest: Nicole Gets Knocked Up

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2007nicole.jpgSome gossip stories are too big to forget. We’re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You’ll get a new one posted every day

Though the official word didn’t come until later in the summer, gossips knew all the way back in May that Hollywood’s skinniest starlet was packin’ baby weight. Given her size, it seemed impossible back then, but Richie’s rocked the baby belly better than any other starlet – certainly way better than Mama Spears! Who would have thought that Nicole’s pregnancy would spawn the end of her bad girl image and the birth of a nicer, gentler Nicole, perhaps instigated by her baby-daddy, tattooed nice-guy Joel Madden. She even donated her baby shower gifts and started a charity for mothers-in-need! The new Nicole is a huge improvement from the skinny shell of a socialite we once loathed, and we have her soon-to-be born baby to thank for that.

Madge & Mellencamp: Hall of Fame

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It’s hard to define rock and roll these days. Punk pissiness, hard-hitting blues, disco fever? It’s all got an attitude that suits the music’s essence. This year the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is all over the place with its inductees list – and that’s good. Pop’s agent provocateur Madonna, the punchy denim rocker John Mellencamp, the sophisticated poet Leonard Cohen; each will be on board at the Hall’s annual ceremony at New York’s Waldorf Astoria. This time around it’s scheduled for March 10, 2008. VH1 Classic will show the event live. Here’s the entire list.

MadonnaMadonna
She’s been blowing minds ever since she wore underwear as outerwear, back in the early ’80s. The Material Girl is the ultimate changeling, moving from dance pop to trance pop, reinvigorating the art of spectacle along the way.

John MellencampJohn Mellencamp
His began as a chart-topping tough guy, fighting authority and singing ditties about Jack and Diane. He became a dedicated man of the people, rocking political moves with Farm Aid and his recent Jena Six track.

Leonard CohenLeonard Cohen
A soft-spoken lyricist who worked in Dylan’s shadow and created cinematic tracks about the anxiety of love, the Canadian bard has always worked the philosophical angle. His miniatures ask big questions.

The Dave Clark FiveThe Dave Clark Five
They rode the coat tails of the Beatles, but give it up: the Brit-Pop wonders dropped a string of great, frenzied songs between ’64 – ’66. From “Can’t You See That She’s Mine” to “Catch Us If You Can,” they were a blast.

The VenturesThe Ventures
Car tunes, surf tunes, riff tunes – the instrumental combo cornered the market on cool, oddball ditties in the early ’60s with classics such as “Walk, Don’t Run,” “Telstar,” and “Apache.” Every garage band has played one of their tunes at least once.

Little WalterLittle Walter
A master of the blues harp, the rough and tumble band leader helped Muddy Waters build his fierce and sexy Chicago blues before breaking off on his own to cut an array of gnarled little gems such as “Juke” and “Off the Wall.”

Gamble & HuffGamble & Huff
Writers and producers both, Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff hooked up to concoct one of R&B most durable sounds: Philly Soul. They’re responsible for the perfection that is Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes‘ “Back Stabbers” and The O’Jays‘ “Love Train.”

Which artist are you most hot to see at the Hall of Fame show?

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