You Name It: Paris’ Birthday Suit?


Lots of photos simply beg for a narrative. Whether it’s nasty or silly is up to you — we want you to feel free to read the minds of the celebs and weirdos in our images. Write your caption for the below photo in our comments section. Extra points for creativity! This time: Paris goes the bondage/dominatrix route at her Vegas birthday party. (Wasn’t it just a couple months ago she told Larry King she was going to be a good girl and help others? Hmmm…)


The Hills is Back to Bore You With Drama



Haven’t you missed watching Lauren and Audrina stare at each other while they down cocktails/avoid carbs/workout? We sure have! The Hills is our greatest guilty pleasure that we still don’t quite get, and we’re anxiously awaiting it’s return to the small screen on March 24th. Luckily we’ve got this brand-new teaser to tie us over for the next month, and it’s gotten us all excited for what’s to come. Lauren is in Paris! Whitney is ready to quit her job at Teen Vogue! Brody has moved on with a new girlfriend! Ouch. As for Audrina, we can only assume she’s sitting on the couch in her apartment waiting for Lauren with a blank stare and a smile.

Noticeably absent from the video clip are bad seeds Spencer and Heidi, but never fear, they’ve been keeping very busy. On Valentine’s Day last week the pair hopped on a yacht, sipped champagne, chowed on chocolate-covered strawberries and recreated that “king of the world!” scene from Titanic, for all the world to see. Just your average couple gettin’ romantic, ya’ll! Heidi’s also hard at work at that album she’s been pimping for a while, and her BF claims it’s gonna be all sorts of awesome. “When people hear what we have in the bank, it’s gonna blow their minds,” Spencer gushed. “Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out.”

We’ll eat our heart out too, if it means we don’t have to listen. Please?

Free Radio: Lance Hates the Oscars


VH1’s newest show features Lance Krall as a dimwitted radio host who has some infuriating opinions and isn’t shy about expressing them. He also has a weekly blog here where he discusses his innermost thoughts. In this episode, Lance talks about how much he hates the Oscars, and why he thought Good Luck Chuck was the best movie of 2007.

Lindsay Lohan Likes to be Naked



If you ever wanted to see Lindsay Lohan naked, here’s your chance (the pics are NSFW, obvs). Of course, she’s not just posing as herself in the nude – that would be so common, so typical, so expected. Instead, the actress (who doesn’t seem to have much else going on these days) has recreated Marilyn Monroe‘s “Last Sitting,” a series of erotic photos taken right before the icon (and LiLo’s hero) overdosed and died in 1962. In our not-so-humble opinion, we’ve seen Lindsay look a lot better posing as herself. The idea is nice and all, but there’s really no topping Marilyn, and Loho ends up just looking weird and washed out. The nudie pics have even left some insiders wondering if they only end up hurting her career aspirations. One director mused, “She really is a good actress. All these antics just detract from that. With every decision she makes, it becomes clearer that she’s got no one giving her good advice.”

But there is one very important thing to take away from LiLo’s latest self-absorbed spectacle (aside from her massive freckle supply) – her amazing boobs. Seriously, those things look real – and real awesome – and are enviously enormous. Lindsay’s breasts, FTW! [Image: New York Magazine]

Tuesday: Paris Bares All for her B-Day


paris-tiara.jpgParis’ Birthday Striptease
The heiress turned 27-years old with her usual routine – a tiara, a striptease and a dominatrix outfit. Seriously, isn’t she sick of herself yet? [Us]

Winehouse’s Hubby is a Jail Junkie
Amy’s “Blake incarcerated” almost became “Blake overdosed,” after shooting up heroin in jail. [Star]

Dancing with the Stars – All New Cast of D-Listers!

Apparently America is desperate to watch Steve Guttenberg and Shannon Elizabeth tango. This country loves to cringe. [Us]

Jessica Simpson: Her Secret Video Scandal
There’s no sex involved, but Jess is desperately trying to cover up the workout video she made in 2005. [NY Post]

Britney Besieged by Bodyguards
The poor little trainwreck is now surrounded by an assistant, a chaperone, and an army of bodyguards. But is the constant attention making her even crazier? [NY Post]

DVD Debut: Denzel Washington and Harlem Heroin


New DVDs are released every Tuesday, which leads us to the eternal question: What should you buy? Our critic Charles Bottomley weighs in on every week’s must-haves and please-forgets.


American Gangster
Denzel Washington plays Frank Lucas, a 1970s hood who bucked trends by smuggling heroin inside the corpses of American servicemen and running his crime empire like a business. Russell Crowe is the cop who starts sniffing around and discovers that nobody is an innocent. The Godfather it ain’t, but the two leads navigate around the mobster clichés with juicy performances.

Extras: The commentary on the two-disc edition gives insight into director Ridley Scott’s process, while a 78-minute documentary features Crowe and Washington’s real-life counterparts. Tons of extra footage.

Rating: Buy!

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