Who Would Want to Knock Off K-Fed?

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federline.jpgAnswer: Everybody!

Okay okay – we don’t want Keven Federline to be killed, but we wouldn’t mind if it he took his Britney bucks and hid out behind a rock for a few billion years. And we’re obviously not the only ones! ET is reporting that the FBI and LAPD are “investigating legitimate leads on a contract hit on Kevin Federline’s life.” Holy crap! Apparently the FBI has been trying to alert the gold-digger than there is a possibility that his life is in danger. Let’s put our investigative skills in action to figure out who could be out to snuff K-Fed – and where and how they might do the deed.

  • Vanilla Ice – in the recording studio with a “Popozao” demo
  • Ex #1 Shar Jackson – anywhere in front of the paparazzi with the DVD of Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
  • Ex #2 Britney Spears – in a gas station bathroom with a pair of hair-cutting shears (the Cheet-flavored finger prints would give it away)
  • Sean Preston and Jayden James – on the playground with the booze Mommy puts in their bottles

Watch your back dawg! [ET. Image: Getty]

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Colbie Caillat and Her Catchy Choruses

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Colbie Caillat
The best way for a newcomer to quickly make a dent on the charts is to drop a few tunes that have irresistible refrains or choruses. The sunny West Coast chanteuse Colbie Caillat has done just that, and her “Bubbly” is racing to the top end of the standings. One of our You Oughta Know artists, Caillat wooed MySpace users last year, and now her Coco is turning lots of heads. “Bubbly” is sweet little tune, and the chance to hear it in a stripped down setting has arrived. We’re launching Colbie’s “Unplugged” performances tomorrow. Here’s a look at one clip from the session to whet your appetite.

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OJ’s Mugshot: What’s This Dude Thinking?

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Good’ ol bad guy OJ Simpson was arrested over the weekend for allegedly taking part in an armed robbery of sports memorabilia that he apparently believed was his own. TMZ has audio of the attack, in which you can hear someone yelling, “Think you can steal my sh*t and sell it?” The entire incident begs the question of not just what was he thinking, but also what is he thinking about in his mugshot pic?

  • Man, last week’s episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm was funnnnn-ny! That Larry David gets me every time, man!
  • I’m so glad I got botox last week. I’m gonna look like, 15 years younger in this pic. Now if only I could manage a full smile. Smilllllllllleeeeee – ugh. My lips won’t work.
  • Damn it, I really wanted to see Ryan Seacrest host the Emmys. I wonder if they have a TV in this joint. Simpson – Out!
  • I think I plucked too much in between my eyebrows this time. God damn it all to hell. I go to rob someone, and my manscaping suffers.
  • Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart. Got lost in the game. Oh baby baby.

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Celebrating MLK’s Dream

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John Legend
Lots of prep work has gone into the solidification of the Martin Luther King, Jr National Memorial on the Mall in Washington, DC. All that’s needed is a final chunk of change to help get the whole thing built. When it’s complete, a tribute to the great man’s ideas regarding equality and peace will be closely situated to those praising other American thinkers, such as Lincoln and Jefferson.

An array of performers have bonded together to help secure these project funds – The Dream Concert is a superstar deal that takes place in New York on Tuesday, September 18. Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Carlos Santana, Ludacris, John Legend, Babyface, Usher, Garth Brooks, Wycliffe Jean, Joss Stone, Talib Kweli, Robin Thicke, Whoopi Goldberg, Magic Johnson, and several others will take the stage for the cause.

Check back on Wednesday. We’ll have some post-show pics for you. Which artist would you most like to see yourself? Hit “Comments.”

Monday: Lindsay’s Locked Up and Lovin’ It

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lindsay0917.jpgMadonna and Pals Invade Israel
The Kabbalah queen headed to Israel for the new year and brought along a slew of lame Hollywood pals. Rosie O’Donnell and the guy from Dawson’s Creek should not be allowed to ruin another country! [A Socialite's Life]

Lindsay: In Rehab for the Long Haul

The starlet’s committed to hangin’ in ‘hab for another 2-3 months. The food must be really damn good for her to want to stink around that long. [X17]

Britney Just Wants her Babies
Her lawyer claims that Britney just wants to be a mother to her two little boys. We’ll believe it when she closes her legs and starts acting like one. [People]

Paris : Having Kids is “Retarded”
The heiress dispels rumors that she wants to adopt four blond babies, calling the myth “retarded.” Ah yes – people who talk like a dumb kid probably shouldn’t raise one – or four. [People]

Angelina’s Done With Drugs
Brad’s baby-mama claims that she’s done ‘em all (heroin included) and that pot made her feel the most crazy. Funny – we thought four kids would do that. [DListed]

Emmys: The Good, The Bad and The WTFs

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So Britney Spears decided not to appear at the Emmys to apologize for her VMAs catastrophe. So what? There were still plenty of ups and downs – and straight up WTF moments – to keep us entertained.

The Good: The weird and wonderful 30 Rock beat out more mainstream shows (suck it, Ugly Betty) to take the trophy for Comedy Series. If only the show’s star Alec Baldwin had won for Best Crazy-Ass Voicemail Left For a Kid – it’d have been a sweep.

The Bad: Sopranos boss James Gandolfini lost out in the Actor in a Drama Series category to a guy – (Boston Legal‘s James Spader) who played the asshole in a lot of 80′s movies. Guess the people who choose the Emmys were pretty pissed about that bizarre Sopranos series finale and had to take their anger out somewhere. Sounds like something Tony Soprano would do!

WTF: As she accepted her award for Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, the adorable Grey’s Anatomy star Katherine Heigl told the crowd, “My own mother told me I didn’t have a shot in hell of winning tonight so I don’t really have anything prepared.”

Hey Katherine – we hear Edie Falco‘s looking for a new gig. She may play a dysfunctional mom on TV, but at least she’d be supportive – and make you a sh*t-load of lasagna.

WTF Runner Up: Heigl’s co-star Ellen Pompeo‘s alien hair-do (see above). What’s she got under there – a few hundred snacks?

Check out the full list of Emmy winners and let us know who you think deserved to win (hurray America Ferrera and the guy who plays Locke on Lost!), and who was robbed.

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Rock on TV: Grease

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grease.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.

Saturday Night Live, Saturday, September 15, 11:30 p.m. (EST), NBC: The long-running show’s 31st season kicks off with musical guest Kanye West, with whom there’s always a 50-50 chance of mega-drama, since he’s a bigger diva than Mariah, Whitney and Diana all thrown together. Ignore the music and tune in for the host, Steve Carell. Why? Because he’s funny, that’s why. Start laughing. Now.

Singles, Sunday, September 16, 6:15 a.m. (EST), HBO 2: Like most of Cameron Crowe‘s films, this paean to Seattle during the idyllic, nu-bohemian, quasi-hippie-punk days of the early ’90s was great the first time we saw it. These days it’s a little tough to take, since it seems like it’s taken a bath in sentimentality and then dried off with a towel made of nostalgia, but maybe that’s just because we’re jaded fools who couldn’t put a metaphor together if we tried. Regardless, the ensemble cast film features a hilarious turn by Pearl Jam as fictional band Citizen Dick, and a number of other Seattle types make appearances, too, including former Soundgardener Chris Cornell, who now owns a restaurant in Paris.

Grease, Monday, September 17, 9 p.m. (EST), VH1 Classic: If you see one musical this fall . . . this one’s not a bad way to go. Olivia Newton-John retains all her cuteness, and it’s so nice to see John Travolta before he became strange. If you haven’t seen this in a while, it’s like a ray of sunshine spun out of sugar the color of pure gold. Smiley faces all around!

The Weekly Wrap Up: Britney Bombs, Kanye Hides & New York Picks Her Guys

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