Rock on TV: Grease

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grease.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.

Saturday Night Live, Saturday, September 15, 11:30 p.m. (EST), NBC: The long-running show’s 31st season kicks off with musical guest Kanye West, with whom there’s always a 50-50 chance of mega-drama, since he’s a bigger diva than Mariah, Whitney and Diana all thrown together. Ignore the music and tune in for the host, Steve Carell. Why? Because he’s funny, that’s why. Start laughing. Now.

Singles, Sunday, September 16, 6:15 a.m. (EST), HBO 2: Like most of Cameron Crowe‘s films, this paean to Seattle during the idyllic, nu-bohemian, quasi-hippie-punk days of the early ’90s was great the first time we saw it. These days it’s a little tough to take, since it seems like it’s taken a bath in sentimentality and then dried off with a towel made of nostalgia, but maybe that’s just because we’re jaded fools who couldn’t put a metaphor together if we tried. Regardless, the ensemble cast film features a hilarious turn by Pearl Jam as fictional band Citizen Dick, and a number of other Seattle types make appearances, too, including former Soundgardener Chris Cornell, who now owns a restaurant in Paris.

Grease, Monday, September 17, 9 p.m. (EST), VH1 Classic: If you see one musical this fall . . . this one’s not a bad way to go. Olivia Newton-John retains all her cuteness, and it’s so nice to see John Travolta before he became strange. If you haven’t seen this in a while, it’s like a ray of sunshine spun out of sugar the color of pure gold. Smiley faces all around!

The Weekly Wrap Up: Britney Bombs, Kanye Hides & New York Picks Her Guys

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Mystery Talks: Lesbian Porn, Anyone?

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Mystery
You know how the Internet works: sooner or later everything becomes available. Secret government documents, Paris‘s Sidekick addresses, and – yep – Mystery’s phone number. Evidently the star of The Pick-Up Artist had his personal digits spilled onto the Web yesterday, and yes, his celly starting ringing. In an impromptu chat with one caller, the ultimate ladies man explained what parts of the body he liked to lick, what he does at 4:30 a.m. to relax and let it all out, and what the connection is between Scott Baio and Bea Arthur. What do you think about our boy now? Tell us in “Comments.”

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The Pick Up Artist: Your Weekly Forecast (Episode 7)

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And then there were three. Our Artists-in-Training are nearing the end of their time with Mystery and his Wings, and it’s time for them to step up their game and really prove they have what it takes to get the kino flowing with the ladies.

Only Brady, Kosmo and Joe are left to duke it out this week – who do you think will walk away with a medallion around their necks?

And who is joining Pradeep, Spoon and Fred in loser territory?

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I Hate My Fridays (I Hate My 30s Recap)

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I Hate My 30s
Finally, we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. In last night’s I Hate My 30s finale, Chad and Carol were both so miserable about their loveless lives that they decided to do the Internet dating thing. They met some real freaks — Chad, for instance, went on a date with a lady who had so many facial piercings there’s no way she’d ever get through airport security. (She let it be known early on that her “south mouth” was under construction, so nookie was out of the question.) Just as they were on the verge of giving up, Chad and Carol found their soulmates online — in each other. Too bad that on the net, no one knows your name. We caught up with Chad and Carol and asked them both the same questions. Their answers? Enlightening.

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Hip Hop Honors: Eve Respects Missy

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eveIt’s no secret what we think of this year’s Hip Hop Honors recipients. If we were host Tracy Morgan, we might say we want to take them out back behind the middle school and get them pregnant. So since you already know what we think, we thought we’d ask some of hip hop’s deftest minds and smoothest voices for their opinions of the honorees. Here’s the caramel bombshell E-V-E, who will be at the ceremony airing on October 8th at 10 p.m., on Missy:

I’ve always loved Missy, always been a fan. I remember her on the Total songs, and of course with Aaliyah and Timbaland. Her sound is always unique. She’s responsible for so many things that people don’t know. I’ve been knowing of her for way longer than when I met her. She’s just great. I think the first song we ever got to do together was “Hot Boys” the remix —- I was so excited about being able to work with her. I just saw her a few days ago, and [she has] same laugh, [she's] the same person, the same personality, just a sweetheart. Big sisterly, and she’s always been like that, and I love her for that. She will definitely tell you about yourself, [but] she does it in a funny way. She doesn’t do it preachy. She does it where you’re laughing at yourself.

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Oh No They Didn’t: Friday’s Reviews Rage

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woodcock.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Mr. Woodcock isn’t Bad Santa, but then, it’s not the holidays yet and Billy Bob Thornton isn’t as spry as he used to be.

“Does anyone at this late date recall a movie starring Billy Bob Thornton in which he doesn’t yell at retarded f*cking kids and bark at their stupid parents?” – The Village Voice

“[They should have made] a movie about fourth lead Amy Poehler . . . [who plays] Maggie Hoffman: a brawling, liquor-fuelled publicist who lives for bagging A-journalist pelts. When she lands Oprah for bestselling author John Farley (Seann William Scott), a self-help guru, Maggie is gay as a thrush. Then John bails from Oprah upon discovering his mom (Susan Sarandon) is about to marry the vile Mr. Woodcock. Maggie takes the defection very badly, gargling vodka while flying next to an empty seat to Chicago. A flight attendant approaches, bearing a cart of tiny airline liquors. ‘Can I get a real bottle?’ Maggie hisses, baring her teeth. ‘I’m an alcoholic, not a Barbie doll.’” – The Globe and Mail
Read more…

Friday: Britney In Talks To Repeat VMAs Disaster at the Emmys

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Britney SpearsBritney Wants to Give Us More; We’re Not So Interested
The aging orange-colored pop tart is allegedly in discussions with Emmy producers about this Sunday’s show. It seems she might want to apologize to the nation for her performance last Sunday at the VMAs. Sidebar: Anyone rent Groundhog Day lately? [Us Weekly]

Embarrassed Vanessa Hudgens Cancels on Leno
After the full-frontal nudie pix of the star circulated the Net, Hudgens decided to lay low and keep out of the spotlight for awhile. That’s understandable, except that it’s a strategy that won’t work. The soundtrack to High School Musical 2 has sold eleventy-billion copies, and for the under 15-set, she’s more famous than anyone, basically. [E Online]

O.J. Arrested After Vegas B&E
Looks like Mr. If I Did It has done it again. The Juice, a once respected football player and mildly comedic actor, was arrested on suspicion of breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room. He was released. Then he sort-of-kind-of confessed. It’s all very confusing. [TMZ]

Fred Durst’s Voice Isn’t His Only Deadly Weapon
The Limp Bizkit singer pleaded no-contest to charges that he tried to plow into two people with his car back in October of last year. [Hollywood.com]

Tori Spelling Goes to Broadway
Tori and her husband Dean might co-star in the Broadway production of Chicago. Hey, big spenders, won’t you spend a little time with us? [People]

Rock on TV – Johnny Cash Back From the Dead

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walk_the_lineJonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.

Walk the Line, 11:20 a.m. (EST), HBO Zone: Joaquin Phoenix does an absolutely spooky job channeling the Man in Black in this Oscar-nominated flick about Johnny Cash’s lifethat set the bar for biopics. Brilliant performance scenes feature actors doing all their own singing, and singers doing some acting (Shooter Jennings, Tyler Hilton), but not in a Madonna-Swept Away kind of way. We promise.

Pretty in Pink, 8:00 p.m. (EST), AMC: This ’80s teen angst opus pretty much defined what a soundtrack should do — mixing power pop titans like New Order and INXS amongst sh*t you’d never heard before. John Hughes Poster Girl Molly Ringwald stars, and her former boyfriend and Zappa progeny Dweezil gets a SAG card with a line in a club scene.