Sometimes, even if I’m nowhere near a TV or computer, even if I’m brushing my teeth or balancing my checkbook or digging up carrots from my garden, I get the urge to scream, "SHUT UP, DINA LOHAN." This woman’s fame-mongering at the expense of her family makes her the most visible stage mother of this generation. That’s quite a distinction to hold! Simply put, she is a disease.
Of course, I don’t really want her to shut up — she provides way too much entertainment whenever she makes the mistake of opening her mouth. Her latest interview, with Us, is short in length but long on idiocy. It was hard to pick just one quote that sums up the stupidity, so we have two:
Add clothing to the lengthy list of things Avril Lavigne doesn’t like. (Already on there? Paparazzi, Britney Spears, you.) Demonstrating the maturity marriage and her new disc have ushered in, Blender‘s June covergirl posed for the cover topless, with the mag’s coverlines protecting her modesty. Inside shots show Av’s aversion to shirts, as well as her penchant for smoking and drinking. And the kicker? Avril shares in an online interview that it was all her idea.
All the throwdowns from the current drama-filled season of Celebrity Fit Club seem like kids’ stuff compared to the clip below. In the uncensored snippet from the episode that will air Sunday, Dustin and the grizzly drill sergeant Harvey go toe-to-toe when Dustin’s weigh-in devolves into a screaming match. After Dustin threatens violence on Ant and then Harvey, Harvey goes ballistic with a multi-minute tirade in which he promises to "f*** [Dustin's] world up!" It’s seriously amazing that his head didn’t explode from the pressure.
After Harvey finishes screaming he says, "Now put that bitch on VSPOT." How could we not?!? Don’t miss this.
- Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher might be on the brink of a split. That’s nothing a little Kabbalah water can’t fix! [CityRag]
- Ne-Yo confesses that he’s a butt man. Somehow this is not surprising. [Bossip]
- Ewan McGregor puts in a "huge order" for underwear that "helps to lift and promote the size of a man’s genitals." Because all those full-frontal scenes aren’t doing enough to promote Ewan McGregor’s genitals. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com]
- Lindsay Lohan has a nip slip. If that doesn’t make her hot, nothing will! [Egotastic!]
- Sanjaya takes part in a drag show. See what happens when you click your heels three times and chant, "There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!"? [Dlisted]
Our ramp-up to Rock Honors (Thursday, May 24) always includes revealing chats with the music’s stars. Road Tales focuses on some the silliness that goes down when artists are on tour.
Lots of rock bands fly things over their stages these days. But back in the day, when Dio was doing business with Rainbow, it was odd to see a naked promoter sailing around on a harness left over from the theater’s previous show. Here’s one Peter Pan who passed out from trying to be a bombadier. Listen.
For today’s shot of schadenfreude, you need to look no further than at the media’s favorite whipping girl of late, Paris Hilton. According to Paris’ psychiatrist, the entitled heir is "distraught and traumatized" over her looming 45-day jail sentence. The idea of Paris Hilton in discomfort is freaking iconic (hence the image above).
Lindsay Lohan has been named the hottest woman on the planet by the apparently blind people at Maxim magazine. What are they snorting? Lindsay’s stash?
It’s not that Lindsay is a bad-looking girl — somewhere under her porn-star extensions, raccoon eyes and leathery skin that would look saaaaad on someone 20 years her senior, is a pretty girl. Maybe. But hot? She’s virtually sexless. Even her rack, once impressive in a look-but-don’t-Lolita kinda way, now fails to inspire. Lindsay Lohan completely renounced any idea of hotness the day she revealed that she’s packing cold cuts between her legs. For real: her firecrotch isn’t even hot.
Lindsay beat out Jessica Alba (No. 2) and Scarlett Johansson (No. 3) for the top spot, in something of a superficial travesty. Need more proof of Lindsay’s not-hotness? Check out the shots below the jump. The best is the one in which she’s blowing a kiss. She’s going for Marilyn Monroe and ends up Marilyn Mongross.
As previously reported, it seems like Madonna will be making her directorial debut. Called Filth and Wisdom, the 30-minute short is of Madge’s own devising and is being shot in London now. Rumor has it that the film will be based on her own experiences, and characters will include an Indian chemist, a Jewish businessman and a failed ballet dancer-turned-stripper. Yes, we know: You’re wondering what the hell she’s thinking. We can’t tell you much, but we can tell you that in addition to the above, she’s thinking that this is going to be a comedy. Which is pretty funny in itself. Especially when you consider Madonna’s incredibly poor on-screen track record. Need a recap? Let’s see. How about . . . Body of Evidence? That one put a dent in Willem DaFoe’s career. Then there was that miracle of financing, Shanghai Surprise. And let’s not forget about Swept Away, the remake that was so bad, so universally panned, so commercially abhorred, it made Mariah Carey’s Glitter watch like Citizen Kane. Hello? Earth to Madonna: Put down the camera. Now. Before you hurt someone you love.
DiCaprio Sued Over Basketball Court Leo built himself a basketball court but excavated his neighbor’s property in the process. Deck and poolside just might collapse. Can’t we settle this with a friendly game of PIG? [CBS]