Monday: Jessica’s Million Dollar Zits

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jess1015.jpgLindsay Ditches Hollywood for Utah
The starlet is apparently moving to Utah full-time to escape the LA grind. Let’s hope Paris and Britney follow suit. [People]

Jessica Simpson Gets Rich Off of Acne
The “actress” is reportedly set to make $3 million from her endorsement deal with ProActive skin care. Proof that she should skip acting and stick to what she knows — zits? [NYP]

Rihanna’s Latest Celebrity Crush
RiRi sets herself up to become to new “it” girl (or Britney Spears junior) and hooks up with man whore Josh Hartnett, 10 years her senior. [Us]

Amy Winehouse Back on Stage

The booze-loving prodigy is set to sing at the Woodie Awards next month in NYC. Lock up your liquor stores, Big Apple! [NYDN]

Ashlee: Binging on Botox?
Jessica’s little sis denies using botox on her beat face, but her wrinkle-free mug seems to say otherwise. Maybe she’s just been borrowing her sister’s Proactive? [Us]

Things You Should Know About Kim

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Bootylicious!
If you took the premise of the The Brady Brunch, gave it The Simple Life treatment and added a dash of My Super Sweet Sixteen, you might be adequately prepared for Keeping Up With the Kardashians. You already know Kim Kardashian from her starring role as Paris Hilton’s right-hand party girl (and from a certain intimate encounter that hit shelves this year) but E! is introducing the rest of the K-loving Kardashian clan this Sunday, October 14th at 10:30 p.m. Kim’s mom Kris, her sisters Khloe and Kourtney, and her half-siblings Kendall and Kylie all star in this look at the family’s life and times in sunny L.A.

In advance of the show, we did a little homework on the buxom-bootied star, and here’s what we came up with.
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Meanwhile, Across Town, Samantha Was Hosing Down A Different Sort of Fire

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As you’ve probably heard by now, Sex and the City is in the process of becoming a major motion picture. If you believe what you read in Blogville, the movie, which is being shot right now (OMG!), has brought New York City to a stand-still. Sadly, this is not true, as your loyal reporters here have yet to have even one sighting of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, Samantha or Big. But rest assured, the film’s happening. It’s going to be released May 30th, 2008, and plot lines may or may not revolve around pregnancy (Charlotte), marriage (Carrie and Big) and promiscuity (just try to guess). If you can’t wait that long — and the suits at the networks are betting you can’t — then you’re going to love Cashmere Mafia, a new ABC show that debuts in September. Here’s the teaser paragraph from that show’s press release:

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Snoop Dogg: Gin, Juice, and Lysol

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snoopbust.jpgMurder wasn’t the case, just carrying a deadly weapon. But the penance has been assigned. Snoop Dogg, one of our heroes in this year’s Hip Hop Honors, will be removing trash and scrubbing toilets on an Orange County clean-up crew. About a year ago, the rap star was busted at an L.A. airport – he had a collapsible baton in his belongings. He plead guilty, and is now about to serve 160 hours of community service. He’s also kicking $10K to the local charity, Right Trak.

Salt-N-Pepa’s Here…and on VSPOT

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The first episode of The Salt-N-Pepa show doesn’t hit VH1 till Monday at 10/9c, but you can watch it in its entirety now on VSPOT. Peep the first act below, which finds the hip-hop legends reuniting after years of estrangement.

The section’s biggest revelation: that “Push It” is perceived by some to be about sex. Or, as Pepa implies, “Aw, p****! P**** good! P**** real good!” Be that as it may, WTF? That never crossed my mind, but then again, I don’t know if I ever really thought about what that song was really about. What do you think? What does “Push It” mean to you?

Oh, and you can watch the rest of the episode here.

Related content
The Salt-N-Pepa Show page

Katie Holmes Is On the Run

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katie_holmesKatie Holmes is planning on fulfilling a life-long dream and running in this November’s New York City Marathon. According to OK! Magazine, the mother of one has been training around Berlin while her husband is shooting Valkyrie, the story of a group of Nazi officers who planned to assassinate Hitler.

Tomkat’s security crew have already been scoping out the 26.2 mile route to devise a security plan for Holmes. Will Tom, Suri and the Beckhams be watching from the sidelines, cheering her on? We came up with a few sign suggestions Tom can get Suri working on to hold up for Katie:

“Go Thetans!”

“Remember Suri’s Silent Birth? Bet That Hurt A Lot More!”

“Run Like Xenu’s Chasing You!”

Bey, Bey: Phone Home

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On Thursday, Beyoncé unveiled the newest item in her line of ideas to ensure world domination: the B’Phone. It’s said to be designed by Bey herself although that seems unlikely as it does not come with a lace-front wig and is far slimmer than anything you’d expect from her. In short, it is not in her likeness. It includes an MP3 player and, more excitingly, a song that Beyoncé recorded when she was 10! Says Bey:

When I was 10, I recorded a song called ’632-5792′ — a phone number. It’s a little embarrassing but it’s cute. There’s a recording of that song on the phone exclusively for my fans. I wanted to make sure people got a feel for who I really am. It’s only through this phone that you can get this close to my life.

Oh yeah, she’s embarrassed all the way to the bank. And also, I don’t think that this gets me close enough to her life so that I can reach out and smack her upside the head for being arrogant enough to think that on my phone I want some prepubescent warbling that she has had lying around in a shoebox for the past 15 years. If the phone doesn’t go, “Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no,” then I DO. NOT. WANT.

But here are some pictures of her at the New York unveiling of this worthless piece of crap anyway:

[Billboard / All images: Getty]

30 Rock: Last Night’s Best Lines

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office_recap_e1.jpgSeen what’s going on in the last few weeks of 30 Rock? Jenna‘s weight ballooned because her Broadway role demanded she eat pizza every day. Jack had heart attack that he’s trying to keep secret for corporate advancement reasons. Gay West-Coast careerist Devon Banks hit town to marry the boss’s daughter. Tracy‘s wife dumped him because he’s stone-ass crazy. Loveless Liz bought a wedding dress out of unfounded optimism.

Every week we’ll choose four or five jewels from the latest episode. Do let us know if you’re planning on buying a “Me Want Food” t-shirt.

Liz: What kind of diet is going to do that?
Jenna: It’s the Japanese Porn Star diet. I can only eat paper, but I can eat all the paper I want.

Jack: Banks – what are you doing in town? Drawn to the phallic nature of our skyline?

Tracy: Angie and I said things that can’t be taken back. She called my vanity license plate “inscrutable.” ICU81MI – hilarious!

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Janet to Jam and Lewis: Let’s Wait a While

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Janet Jackson‘s career is about to get a face lift unlike any it has seen since she got her…face lift. The big news is that Janet’s next album, which she says should be out early next year, may not end up including any contributions from Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, the production gods that single-handedly turned her into a megastar by outfitting her with the robotic Minneapolis funk that defined her initial musical success. Starting with 1986′s Control, Jam and Lewis have been Janet’s key collaborators, contributing more to each album since than any other outside producer she enlisted. Together the three of them are R&B Voltron. Today, the robot sleeps.

Janet revealed the news during a press conference for her new film Why Did I Get Married?, when she revealed that Ne-Yo, Rodney Jerkins and (everyone groan all together) Jermaine Durpri are on her list of collaborators, but Jam and Lewis are not…at least for now.

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Could This Be the Blackout Cover?

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After yesterday’s rash of fake covers for Britney Spears‘ forthcoming Blackout disc (including one “verified” by the always reliable source that is Fox News), one comes along that could really be real. Really! Via ONTD, this one supposedly can be found on Sony BMG’s login-only promo site that services images and album info to media outlets. Of course, the irony of this being the possible official cover is that a) it’s about 10 times uglier and tackier than Cheeto-dusted fingers and b) a fan could have made it. Literally! The main image is just a colorized version of a shot previously used for the U.K. version of the “Gimme More” single:

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Look at all that effort! It’s the album-artwork equivalent of that somnambulist performance Britney stumbled through on this year’s VMAs. Or that laughable “Gimme More” video. Or, you know, Britney’s half-hearted attempts to win back her kids. Whatever, at least this project has a theme: sloth.

Bet you Photoshop geniuses have some ideas what the real Brit cover art should look like. Send us some examples to vh1blog@vh1.com and we’ll put them up.