Wednesday: Ashley Olsen Makes Out with Lance Armstrong

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ashley-olsen-1031.jpgTomKat Ready to Give Suri a Sibling
- Or Katie just needs another friend to hang out with since her old ones are probably banned from their house now. [OK!]

Ashley Olsen Kisses Lance Armstrong
He may not be old enough to be her dad, but he’s tall enough to be her…climbing tree? Is that really sexy? [NYP]

J Lo’s New Flick Gets Panned
Everything Jennifer Lopez does these days is getting booed. She should just tell us that she’s pregnant so we can like something she’s created. [NYP]

Britney Refuses to Promote Album
Brit’s too lazy/crazy/tired/drunk/hungry/cold/spacey/stupid to promote her new album, and her label’s given up on trying to make her work. Psssst – tempt her with Taco Bell. [NYDN]

Reese and Jake’s Love: Real or Fake?
Check out this video of the pair cuddling on the beach and feeding each other. Who does that? People faking a relationship to create buzz for their failing film, perhaps? [TMZ]

Gotti’s Word (Episode 3 Commentary)

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Gotti’s Word is a new feature to the blog — instead of taking it upon ourselves to recap Gotti’s Way every week, we’re going to the titular man himself. Via a series of interviews with Irv, this space will expand and expound upon issues raised in every episode. We figure that Irv’s world view is so singular and his situations are so unique (ex. his relationship with his not-yet-ex-wife Deb) that he has a lot of explaining to do. And explain he does: no matter what you feel about Irv’s lifestyle or philosophies, one thing that you can’t deny is his honesty. Whether this is endearing or to a fault is up for you to decide.

After the jump, Irv talks about the state of the music industry, his goals as a mogul, what “manning up” means and why it’s good for kids to fear their parents. “My mother whipped the s*** out of me,” Irv explains. Things get really real after the jump…

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Spidy’s Webbed-Out Soap Opera

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Don’t search for new DVDs each week. Stop by and we’ll tell you about the titles – even if they smell funny.

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Spider-Man 3
The Webslinger‘s third outing makes the common threequel mistake of piling on too many super-villains (in this case the Sandman, another Green Goblin, and alien tar-baby Venom), too many superheroes and way, way too much soap opera. As an FX blow-out, S3 is hard to beat. But the drama creaks, particularly when Kirsten Dunst is throwing a hissy fit over Bryce Dallas Howard. With cast commentary.

El Cantante
This Hector Lavoe biopic was doomed from the moment the words “Jennifer” and “Lopez” were attached, but judiciously fast-forwarding to Marc Anthony‘s dynamic musical performances says everything worth knowing about the smack-addicted salsero. Skip the movie, get the soundtrack. Deleted scenes and docs. Don’t forget J. Lo’s other disastrous flicks.

My So-Called Life: The Complete Series
It only lasted 19 episodes, but this 1994-1995 series became intensely influential, thanks to the casting of unknowns Claire Danes and Jared Leto and an intelligent appreciation of teen lives. Buffy creator Joss Whedon tips his hat to Life in the accompanying book. Other extras include two Danes interviews and a 1995 roundtable discussion on the flop that’s become a TV landmark.

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The Hills: What is Whitney Wearing to Work & Why is Brody So Into Cuddling?

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On this week’s episode of The Hills (by far the most boring one yet), it looked like Whitney wasn’t wearing a thing…and when she did finally put on clothes, you kinda wished you were seeing her nekkid. We’re pretty sure that b*tchy Teen Vogue editor Lisa Love agrees with us!

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Blog Best-Of: Fergie’s Fug

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fergie_links2.jpg- Just when you thought Fergie‘s appearance couldn’t get more offensive, she busts out the crimper. She looks Ferg-a-tarded. [Dlisted]

- Keyshia Cole appears topless on the cover of Vibe. So how ’bout that singing career? [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Photoshop helps someone hypothesize what Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would look like if their features were combined on one face. Awww! So much cuter than Suri. [CityRag]

- Dennis Rodman dresses up for as a woman for Halloween. As if he needed the excuse. [CONCRETELOOP]

- Meanwhile, Diana Ross turns up on a red carpet looking like a clown. No excuse given, no excuse needed. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

[Image: Getty]

What’s The Best Who Song?

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You can hear the high-vis tunes on the weekly CSI franchises, and marketing campaigns have used “I’m Free” and “Happy Jack” of late. But for the most part the Who‘s music isn’t around all that much – frustrating for fans who know there are lots of other tracks to blast at top volume. Many of them are heard or discussed in Amazing Journey, a portrait of the band and VH1′s latest Rock Doc (watch it this Saturday night). Of course there are lots explosive songs by the band that don’t get spun enough. Write back and call us liars if you’ve given “I Can’t Reach You” some love lately.

We made a list of hidden gems that you should check out. But what’s more important is getting a taste of the Roc Doc and submitting to the power of this video list.

Above is a nice clip regarding the quandary the guys had over choosing a band name. Make the jump if you want to find out why they were banned from Holiday Inns for life! And do make sure to tell us your fave Who song.

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Madonna Was Desperate for Tupac’s Baby

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madonna-1030.jpgA story this morning tempted us with something that was sadly too good to be true. Madonna, who apparently dated doe-eyed Tupac Shakur a year before he was murdered, wanted to have the rapper’s baby! Madge’s pal reveals, “She was going out with him … but homegirls were saying to him, ‘I can’t believe you’re going out with a white girl.’”

Tupac apparently dumped her and then you know – Madonna got knocked up by her trainer, married Guy Richie, had another kid, got into Kabbalah, wrote some books, made some track suits, sang a little, and is still insanely rich. But man – can you imagine the spawn that could have been? His eyes, her…arm muscles. Their combined musical talent and passion for living life on the edge. Their kid would have kicked Maddox’s ass and dated Suri before she could walk. Damn, that would have been one bad-ass baby. [Image: Getty]

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Hottie of the Week: Kim Kardashian

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Photo_20x9_1 More Bootylicious Pics

Kim Kardashian, we’d like to thank you for making our workplace NSFW. Anytime we Google you, we’re forced to cover our screens. Why is that, you ask? Is it because you’re beautiful? True, but no. Is it because your show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, is on E!, VH1′s competitor? Also true, but also no. It is mainly because you’re a spicy number who keeps showing up naked all over the Interweb. There was your sex-tape scandal with Ray-J — that kept us busy for awhile. Then there was your Playboy spread, the shoot that will be in the December issue of Hugh Hefner’s storied publication. That hit cyberspace recently. And that’s to say nothing of your frequent appearances on red carpets all over Hollywood, where your clothes are more butt-sheaths than dresses. You have all but implored us to make you our hottie of the week. Well, congratulations, Kim: All your hard work finally paid off.

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Lindsay Lohan’s a Party Pooper

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lindsay-lohan-1030.jpgLindsay has backed out (again) of hosting a New Year’s Eve Party at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas, which can only mean one thing: this girl is serious about rehab, which is making her seriously boring. Lindsay canceled her appearance as part of her desire to “focus on her work and sobriety,” and we totally respect her new, dry lifestyle. it’s just that we had kind of hoped she’d find a few ways to be sober and insane. She doesn’t have to let go of the crazy now that she’s clean! Here is some tried and true sober stuff Linds could do to eff sh*t up and get the blogs buzzing again:

  • Random food fights
  • Getting juiced up on Red Bulls and talking way too much
  • Rollerblading in places where people aren’t allowed to Rollerblade
  • Wearing a jester hat out in public
  • Panty raids (or boxer short raids! Crazy!)
  • Get a bunny as a pet and carry it around like a tiny dog

Please?

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