Courtney Bashes Madonna in Crazy Rant

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courtney-1109-2.jpgMyspace is home to a lot of crazies, but none so insane as our beloved rocker/mom/yo-yo dieter Courtney Love, who often entertains the masses with her loony, nonsensical blog posts. Her latest masterpiece clocked in at 3691 words, and – when cut and pasted into Word – stretched out over 6 and a half pages (12 pt Times New Roman font, single spaced). Allow us to dig through the misspellings, the tearing to shreds of Madonna and the overall insanity to bring you the best of her lengthy, take it out on the keyboard, therapy session.

  • Courtney: but im icy ssad- madonna is a great business woma but come on she s weak as an artista nd we akl lknow it- i like madge – but as a relevant musician – its a joke shes singing from such a calculating thought out place all the time its never from her gut or heart or intuition so maybe it sounds great an dis slick and you can hum it -discxo n dance it but ambitionand sass and shrewd does not equal great art- hard work and major dsicipline doesnt equal great art and all of those are great things- i covet thenm i haVE great disciplne and i do work like a bionic thing.
  • Translation: Courtney is dissing Madonna for being a sellout. Um, our girl Court needs to take a good hard look in the mirror. Pot, meet kettle!

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About Last Night: Ultra Fresh Party Pics

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.

The mtvU Woodie Awards was chock-full of all your favorite pop and indie musicians. The role call included Rilo Kiley, Gym Class Heroes, Talib Kweli, Fallout Boy, The Academy Is…, Boys Like Girls, Motion City Soundtrack, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Spank Rock, Stella by Starlight, Say Anything, Tim William, and Tokyo Police Club.

Smartest Model Forecast: Who Will Be the Next to Go?

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You’ve watched America’s Most Smartest Model and developed opinions. Now we want to hear them: Who do you think should be the next contestant to be kicked off the show?

Still alive

Lisa was eliminated last episode. Did you forsee her fall?

Fallen but not forgotten

This Sunday, what do you think is going to happen?

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The Office: Survival Skills are Mandatory

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Employees,

As usual I am recapping last night’s amazing Office episode here in this memo. Please do not hesitate to speak to my assistant Pam about setting up a meeting to discuss last night’s greatness – or to chat about our communal office birthday party. Please note – the ice cream cake in the fridge is mine and will not be shared.

1. First, let me apologize for not inviting everyone on our last company retreat. Oh, and talking abotu it constantly probably made me seem like a Toby in a sea of uninvited Michaels. Sorry about that, it’s just that the s’mores were too good not to talk about. For six months.

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30 Rock: Last Night’s Best Lines

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Jack hires a character actor Jarod (David Schwimmer) to play the network’s pro-ecology superhero, Greenzo. Kenneth‘s usually dreary annual party is juiced by a swirl of celeb-invitee rumours begun by Tracy. Pete is schtupping his estranged wife Paula in Liz‘s apartment (using Pop Tarts as boudoir toys). Al Gore stops by to see if he can help the green campaign. Hit the comments section if you plan to be involved in any “foxy boxing” this weekend.

Jack: We’re going green, Lemon. And do you know why?

Liz: To save the Earth?

Jack: So we can drain the remainder of its resources. Don Geist is a genius. He’s pitting all the divisions of the company against each other, to see who can make the most money from this environmentalism trend, and i am going to win with…

Jarod: Greenzo! Saving the Earth while maintaining profitability!

Jack: That’s right Jarod, Greenzo is the first non-judgemental, business-friendly environmental advocate.

Jarod: The free market will solve global warming…if that even exists.

**************************************************************

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I Love New York Forecast: Who Should Be the Next to Go?

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Still think you know what New York wants and needs? Tell us which guys are safe, and who will be dismissed next episode. Comment now!

Still pimpin’

Midget Mac and It got the boot last episode. Did you foresee their falls?

Fallen but not forgotten

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Friday: Lauren & Heidi Happy Together in The Hills

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hills-1109.jpgPissy Paris Sues Card Company
The heiress is mad at Hallmark for using her likeness on their products. Her face is all over the “Happy Birthday Mom – Aren’t You Glad Your Kids Aren’t Like Paris Hilton” card line. [TMZ]

The Hills‘ Lauren & Heidi Back as Buds
The former BFFs have been spotted together looking chummy – whatever happened to forgiving and forgetting each other? [JustJared]

Europe Makes Britney #1
So what if The Eagles beat her ass in the States, in Europe she’s still got the #1 album. Too bad Brit doesn’t even know where that is. [Us]

Ellen Dissed by Striking Writers
The comedian is getting bashed by writers for crossing the picket line during their strike (unlike Conan, Jay and Jon, for example) to go to work on her show. [NYP]

Dog Chapman Slapped with Suit
The girl Dog the Bounty Hunter railed against with racial slurs is now suing the star for slander. Nothing says healing like millions of dollars. [TMZ]

Friday’s Reviews Rage: Fred Claus

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fred_claus.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Fred Claus is something of a disaster and, unfortunately, only the latest misstep from America’s king of sarcasm (and Lieutenant Colonel of flannel shirts), Vince Vaughn. In other news, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. There’s a whole season of these yet to come. Check our “best and worst” holiday films list, and see which Santas rule.

“Lacking the absurdist je ne say what of fellow crank Bill Murray (who tried his hand at Christmas fare with Scrooged), the demonic physical comedy of Ben Stiller (amassing kid cred with Night at the Museum), or the freestyling innocence of Will Ferrell (Elf), Vaughn brings to the kiddie party the same thing he brings to the adult party: a six-foot-five attitude problem. Whether a giant man with an extensive flannel collection and a big mouth will have crossover (or -under) appeal is anyone’s guess.” – The Village Voice

“The post-pumpkin, pre-Christmas family comedy Fred Claus is constructed like a rattling Santa sack of stocking stuffers, most of them plastic, doled out with little confidence about what adults want from a jingle-bell comedy (we want Elf!), and even less about what engages a kid (they want Elf!).” – Entertainment Weekly

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Who’s Peeing in Britney’s Cup?

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britney-spears-1108.jpgK-Fed’s lawyer dragged Britney’s peeps back into court today to fight about the pop star’s inability to respond to drug tests in a timely manner. Apparently Brit has been flaky about 8 of the 14 tests, even though she’s “tested clean” in 10 different times. Impressive! She’s trained Sean Preston to pee in a cup! But even more ridiculous are the excuses her lawyer came up with as reasons for why she’d be missing the phone calls summoning her to the drug tests. Britney apparently changes her phone number so often that she misses calls, and has been lax about answering early morning phone drug testing requests. When the judge argued that taking a morning phone call was not that difficult a task, her lawyer shot back, “But you’re not a pop star with a No. 1 album to promote.”

Interestingly enough, neither is Britney! She’s done nothing to promote her album, which is number two on the charts – the number one slot belongs to The Eagles, natch. So really, rising at 9AM to pee in a cup shouldn’t be that much of a hassle, right? [Image: Getty]

DVD Debut: Tickets To Ride

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Don’t search for new DVDs each week – stop by and we’ll tell you about all the recent titles.

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Help!

Led Zeppelin may be getting all the classic rock press these days, but there are still plenty of Beatles fans around, and it’s likely a few million of them will be lapping up the re-release of Help! The Fab Four’s second flick found them romping through the Bahamas and other far flung locales (some crits thought it was a lampoon of the then-new, intrigue-drenched James Bond movies), evading bad guys while trying to regain a rare piece of jewelry from Ringo‘s finger. It’s a quip fest (the guys’ banter always enhanced their charisma), a giddy backdrop for great tunes (“Ticket To Ride,” “You’re Going To Lose That Girl”) and a template for the entire Monkees empire. Watch a clip from the film after the jump. Check the “I Need You” video here.

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