Things that would make any normal 25-year old twice divorced mother-of-two millionaire with crappy hair extensions go crazy:
- Your whale of an ex-bodyguard (who you allegedly fired when he didn’t hear you command him to retrieve a hat) coming forward to accuse you of doing drugs and prancing around naked in front of your kids (Mad props to Brit if she does both of these at the same time – that’s so “Jim Morrison cool!”)
- Your longtime lawyer and short-time manager quitting on the same day. Cuz your custody battles sucks as much as your career.
- Temporarily losing custody of your children. It’s only fun to party when they’re at the mansion with you!
- Being showed up by a guy in a cheap wig and control top panties (see boy Britney in the vid above) who performs your VMAs routine better than you did – and looks hotter while doing so. Ouchtastic.
Who Would Want to Knock Off K-Fed?
Oops! Bret Disses JT & Timbaland
Brit Chugged Booze Instead of Rehearsing
Britney Bombs on the VMAs
In the pantheon of rock stars, there are very few that come close to embodying the rock and roll lifestyle quite like Motley Crue‘s Nikki Sixx. He taught Tommy Lee to party, became the stuff of legend in terms of his tolerance for chemicals and came back from the dead, all while writing the hair metal soundtrack to the ’80s. In addition to those Motley albums, Sixx wrote near-daily entries in his journals, documenting his decadent and depraved lifestyle, which he only recently discovered packed away in storage. In an effort to raise money for Convenant House, a halfway house for at-risk kids and teens, Sixx has released The Heroin Diaries, jottings from journal from that debauched era (he reads from it at a series of Borders Books dates. We sat down with Sixx to find out more about his new project. Check the interview and excerpt and pics from the book below.
Jessica Simpson’s Super Skinny Bod
Damn Girl! One month you’re curvy and round and then 30 days later you’re a bag of bones. Pick a size — preferably a healthy one. [Egotastic]
OJ Simpson’s Uncensored Attack
Check out the uncensored version of the confrontation that’s landed OJ in (more) hot water. Just make sure your ears can handle the copious F bombs the Juice squeezes out in five minutes. [TMZ]
Madonna’s Mad Mothering Skills
Malawi decides they approve of Madonna’s mothering after learning that she bakes cakes and owns luxurious sheep-like carpets. Was Martha Stewart on the ‘deciding committee?’ [DListed]
Owen Spotted Flashing Scars
Yup, he really did it, and apparently we need the pictures to prove it. It couldn’t get any classier than that! [Us Weekly]
Rosie and Oprah: Ready To Feud?
Oh snap! Rosie turned down an interview with Oprah to instead discuss her new book with Diane Sawyer. Oprah’s gotta be thinking, ” What would the Donald do?” [NY Post]
Jonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.
Forbes 20 Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings, 6 p.m. (EST), E!: They employ evil clip-show geniuses over at E!, men and women who are hell-bent on entertaining you in 15 seconds or less, writers and producers who know how to really jiggle your ass when you’re trying to make it to 25 minutes on the treadmill even though your lungs feel like they’re filled with hot chlorine. How are you going to get over the hump, doughboy? We’ll tell you — with this clip show. Who had the most lavish nuptials? Was it Madonna and Guy Ritchie, what with their Scottish-castle-wedding? Was it Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, what with their DJ Mark Ronson? Or was it Melania Trump, who wore a $1.5 million engagement ring and a $200,000 gown? Sweat to the excess as Forbes and E! team up to make you burn 800 wedding-related calories in just under an hour.
VH1′s 2006 Hip-Hop Honors 7 p.m. (EST), VH1: Last year’s Hip-Hop Honors awards show was veritably seismic, honoring Ice Cube, the Beastie Boys, Afrika Bambaataa (pictured), Eazy-E, Russell Simmons, Rakim, MC Lyte and the Wu-Tang Clan. The show, hosted by Ice-T, was a blow-out, chock-a-block with amazing performances, fashions and memories. Thrill to the events of yesteryear, even as you get ready for this year’s shinding. The 2007 Hip-Hop Honors will be given out on October 8th, in a show hosted by 30 Rock‘s most excellent funnyman, Tracy Morgan.
2007 VH1 Hip Hop Honors Site
Given that Brady was able to simultaneously giggle like a school girl, give off serious serial killer energy and make out with a stripper, we’re naming him our Pick Up Artist of the Week. Though he wasn’t able to close on the moving target challenge, he did manage to get an exotic dancer into his limo, which is not a euphemism. He really did it! Read more…
- Christina Aguilera‘s nipples look like silver-dollar pancakes through her white dress. She isn’t rubbing her pregnancy in our faces – she’s practically lactating on us. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Barry Manilow pulls out of a planned appearance on The View because he finds Elisabeth Hasselbeck “dangerous and offensive.” C’mon, Barry – she’s sparing us from your music. How bad can she be? [Dlisted]
- Lindsay Lohan looks kinda like a hooker at rehab. Perhaps she’s preparing for the next phase of her career? [CityRag]
- Nas dances with wife Kelis at his 34th birthday party. There’s nothing smart-assed to say about this, so let’s just hate them for looking so happy, OK? [CONCRETELOOP]
- Aretha Franklin reveals that she’d like Halle Berry to play her in a biopic. What, are Eddie Murphy and his fat suit unavailable? [Crunk + Disorderly] [Image: Getty]
Paris Blows Xtina’s Baby Secret
Lindsay Goes Broke From Buying Coke
Nas Not Welcome at VT Show
The best moment of last night’s Emmy Awards goes not to a winner accepting his or her award, but to a loser accepting an award that belonged to someone else with a big ol’ bear hug. Without Steve Carell, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert bringin’ the funny, we would have had to rely solely on host Ryan Seacrest for laughs last night, which apparently turned out to be a pretty bad idea.
Emmys: The Good, The Bad and The WTFs
Emmys 2007: Arrivals Gallery
Emmys 2007: Show + After-Parties Gallery
There are those days where nothing is going right, and then there are the days when you don’t even have to try to make your dream come true. Luckily today is THAT day, for my dream of an all-male calendar of sexy Mormon missionaries posing both wholesomely and without their shits has finally come true! I challenge you to take a good hard look for yourself at the Mormons Exposed 2008 calendar (check out the video above) and not be turned on by their pecs – and their steamy philanthropic goodness!
The purpose of the calendar is to celebrate “these missionaries’ great looks and beautiful bodies, as well as the amazing stories of service of these deeply spiritual men,” and a portion of the proceeds go to charities chosen by the guys. But let’s be honest – we’re just interested in seeing a bunch of decent-looking dudes who hate swearing, smoking and booze without their shirts on. Delicious – and religious! [via TMZ]
Last week, wewere reintroduced to the joys of drunk girls. This week, Rock of Love reintroduces us to the joys of catfights.
Catfights amongst free weights, no less. This show really, really loves us.