What’s More Depressing Than Dating Jessica Simpson?

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jessicasimpson-1031.jpgThe cheesy songs. The creepy dad. The Proactiv commercials. The reality TV show. The shoe line, hair extension line, and bathing suit line. The slew of stupid movies. Nick Lachey. And…everything else. It makes us wonder – what is there to like about Jessica Simpson and why would Owen Wilson even want a piece?

The two have been spotted doing the usual Hollywood date and canoodle routine, and frankly we’re worried about the toll this is going to take on Owen’s fragile mental state. Perhaps one could claim that she’s just a fine piece of ass, but even her manufactured good looks are so fake it makes us seriously depressed. Listening to her tell stupid stories about that dumb dog she’s always lugging around or recounting her shopping trips to Louis Vuitton is enough to make someone want to…you know. Lip locking with Simpson is way more than just a kiss – it’s Owen self destructing! Jessica is worse for him than heroin, and – as we saw from her needy relationship with John Mayer – really hard to kick. [Image: Getty]

Jermaine Dupri Doesn’t Want to Talk Timberlake

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You make one little comment about the dude that shamed your girlfriend in front of millions, and it’s all anyone wants to talk about. At least that’s what Jermaine Dupri is experiencing above, and unleashes a curiously video-taped (and expletive laden) tirade [NSFW]. A few weeks ago, The New York Post reported that the Little Producer That Could dissed Justin Timberlake in his biography, stating JT could be “any skinny white kid from the suburbs of Orlando,” and questioning Timberlake’s star power. Now Dupri’s being called upon to answer for the remarks, and he’s none too pleased. In the clip, Dupri rails against whoever’s on the other end of the line (we’re guessing it’s directory assistance or the automated weather service), stating the whole incident is “the dumbest f*ck” and “I don’t need no f*cking press off Justin Timberlake.” Do you think Dupri is overreacting?

RIP Robert Goulet

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Robert Goulet passed away last night. The ultra suave singer/actor dominated the early 60s, wowing the world with a string of musicals. Here’s a nice bit that shows his skills. But a younger generation learned about the guy – may he rest in peace – through Will Ferrell‘s ridiculous impression on Saturday Night Live. Here’s a look that clip, too. (Language is NSFW)

Britney Waves Goodbye to Babies

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britney-spears-babies-1031.jpgCongratulations babies! You win! The judge loves you and your daddy more, and now you only have to be scared of Mommy for two days a week, from 12-7PM. Only fourteen hours of driving around in her Mercedes inhaling secondhand cigarette smoke and burger fumes. There is hope after all! Now, there is one bad side to this recent custody decision. You two will have to do one overnight each week with with your Mom. I know, I know, there are no beds for you to sleep in at her house – only giant Versace hobo purses. Awww, don’t cry Sean Preston, it’ll be okay! A parenting coach is going to be monitoring your visits while you guys are there, so you have someone to look out for you. And this lady is totally on your side! She’s already told the judge that your mom “rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play,” and that her “choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.”

The law is on your side, Sean Preston and Jayden James! Now buckle up your car seat safety belts – you know your Mom’s gonna forget to do it again. [Getty]

About Last Night: Ultra Fresh Party Pics

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.

Audrina Partridge hosted the Hpnotiq Halloween Party, where she boogied on down in her Madonna costume alongside Christina Milian and Justin Guiarini.

Jessica Biel, Thandie Newton, and Hanson attended a screening of Darfur Now.

Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan, and Maria Shriver were among the philanthropic ladies at the International Women’s Media Foundation’s Courage Awards.

Smartest Model‘s Mary Alice Stephenson: Tears and Weightloss

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Mary Alice Stephenson, co-host of America’s Most Smartest Model, is a fashion industry insider whose smart looks and smart tongue control her show’s pretty people. Each week we talk with her about issues on the show. This time the subjects are Jesse’s attitude, Rachel’s weight, and how you can never be too rich or too thin for style — unless, of course, you are.

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Tracy Morgan & The Full Moon Jews

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Tracy Morgan Jordan’s ill-fated video for “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” has had us chuckling since it aired on 30 Rock a few weeks ago. Then it was a 10-second snip. Now it’s a full-ass song, with lyrics about about brisket and circumcision and and fangs and claws. Would a real werewolf ever dance with his cousins?

Tell us: Who’s the most hirsute Jew in celebville?

Show Off Your Celebrity Costume and Win!

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parishilton-halloween2.jpgDressing as Brangelina, Britney Spears, Flavor Flav or Chris Crocker for Halloween? Think you have what it takes to best Paris Hilton‘s cracked out Alice in Wonderland get up?

Send the VH1 Blog a pic of your celebrity and pop culture inspired Halloween costumes and we’ll pick a winner – and post the best pics HERE. If you’re still clamoring for inspiration, check out the festive (and sexy) outfits Paris Hilton, Teri Hatcher, and Rumer Willis rocked this past weekend.

You’ve only got 24 hours left – time to start searching for that butt padding to pull off trick or treating as Kim Kardashian! Send your pics in jpeg format to vh1blog@vh1.com – the winner walks away with a VH1 Prize Pack! [Image: INF]

Submission have started rolling in.

Rock of Love look-alikes:

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Paris Hilton receives a visitor in jail:

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Dee Snider makes for a truly twisted costume:

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Britney Spears loves a good zombie:

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Britney Spears likes to party:

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Wednesday: Ashley Olsen Makes Out with Lance Armstrong

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ashley-olsen-1031.jpgTomKat Ready to Give Suri a Sibling
- Or Katie just needs another friend to hang out with since her old ones are probably banned from their house now. [OK!]

Ashley Olsen Kisses Lance Armstrong
He may not be old enough to be her dad, but he’s tall enough to be her…climbing tree? Is that really sexy? [NYP]

J Lo’s New Flick Gets Panned
Everything Jennifer Lopez does these days is getting booed. She should just tell us that she’s pregnant so we can like something she’s created. [NYP]

Britney Refuses to Promote Album
Brit’s too lazy/crazy/tired/drunk/hungry/cold/spacey/stupid to promote her new album, and her label’s given up on trying to make her work. Psssst – tempt her with Taco Bell. [NYDN]

Reese and Jake’s Love: Real or Fake?
Check out this video of the pair cuddling on the beach and feeding each other. Who does that? People faking a relationship to create buzz for their failing film, perhaps? [TMZ]

Gotti’s Word (Episode 3 Commentary)

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Gotti’s Word is a new feature to the blog — instead of taking it upon ourselves to recap Gotti’s Way every week, we’re going to the titular man himself. Via a series of interviews with Irv, this space will expand and expound upon issues raised in every episode. We figure that Irv’s world view is so singular and his situations are so unique (ex. his relationship with his not-yet-ex-wife Deb) that he has a lot of explaining to do. And explain he does: no matter what you feel about Irv’s lifestyle or philosophies, one thing that you can’t deny is his honesty. Whether this is endearing or to a fault is up for you to decide.

After the jump, Irv talks about the state of the music industry, his goals as a mogul, what “manning up” means and why it’s good for kids to fear their parents. “My mother whipped the s*** out of me,” Irv explains. Things get really real after the jump…

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