Finally, we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. In last night’s I Hate My 30s finale, Chad and Carol were both so miserable about their loveless lives that they decided to do the Internet dating thing. They met some real freaks — Chad, for instance, went on a date with a lady who had so many facial piercings there’s no way she’d ever get through airport security. (She let it be known early on that her “south mouth” was under construction, so nookie was out of the question.) Just as they were on the verge of giving up, Chad and Carol found their soulmates online — in each other. Too bad that on the net, no one knows your name. We caught up with Chad and Carol and asked them both the same questions. Their answers? Enlightening.
It’s no secret what we think of this year’s Hip Hop Honors recipients. If we were host Tracy Morgan, we might say we want to take them out back behind the middle school and get them pregnant. So since you already know what we think, we thought we’d ask some of hip hop’s deftest minds and smoothest voices for their opinions of the honorees. Here’s the caramel bombshell E-V-E, who will be at the ceremony airing on October 8th at 10 p.m., on Missy:
I’ve always loved Missy, always been a fan. I remember her on the Total songs, and of course with Aaliyah and Timbaland. Her sound is always unique. She’s responsible for so many things that people don’t know. I’ve been knowing of her for way longer than when I met her. She’s just great. I think the first song we ever got to do together was “Hot Boys” the remix —- I was so excited about being able to work with her. I just saw her a few days ago, and [she has] same laugh, [she's] the same person, the same personality, just a sweetheart. Big sisterly, and she’s always been like that, and I love her for that. She will definitely tell you about yourself, [but] she does it in a funny way. She doesn’t do it preachy. She does it where you’re laughing at yourself.
Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Mr. Woodcock isn’t Bad Santa, but then, it’s not the holidays yet and Billy Bob Thornton isn’t as spry as he used to be.
“Does anyone at this late date recall a movie starring Billy Bob Thornton in which he doesn’t yell at retarded f*cking kids and bark at their stupid parents?” – The Village Voice
“[They should have made] a movie about fourth lead Amy Poehler . . . [who plays] Maggie Hoffman: a brawling, liquor-fuelled publicist who lives for bagging A-journalist pelts. When she lands Oprah for bestselling author John Farley (Seann William Scott), a self-help guru, Maggie is gay as a thrush. Then John bails from Oprah upon discovering his mom (Susan Sarandon) is about to marry the vile Mr. Woodcock. Maggie takes the defection very badly, gargling vodka while flying next to an empty seat to Chicago. A flight attendant approaches, bearing a cart of tiny airline liquors. ‘Can I get a real bottle?’ Maggie hisses, baring her teeth. ‘I’m an alcoholic, not a Barbie doll.’” – The Globe and Mail
Britney Wants to Give Us More; We’re Not So Interested
The aging orange-colored pop tart is allegedly in discussions with Emmy producers about this Sunday’s show. It seems she might want to apologize to the nation for her performance last Sunday at the VMAs. Sidebar: Anyone rent Groundhog Day lately? [Us Weekly]
Embarrassed Vanessa Hudgens Cancels on Leno
After the full-frontal nudie pix of the star circulated the Net, Hudgens decided to lay low and keep out of the spotlight for awhile. That’s understandable, except that it’s a strategy that won’t work. The soundtrack to High School Musical 2 has sold eleventy-billion copies, and for the under 15-set, she’s more famous than anyone, basically. [E Online]
O.J. Arrested After Vegas B&E
Looks like Mr. If I Did It has done it again. The Juice, a once respected football player and mildly comedic actor, was arrested on suspicion of breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room. He was released. Then he sort-of-kind-of confessed. It’s all very confusing. [TMZ]
Fred Durst’s Voice Isn’t His Only Deadly Weapon
The Limp Bizkit singer pleaded no-contest to charges that he tried to plow into two people with his car back in October of last year. [Hollywood.com]
Tori Spelling Goes to Broadway
Tori and her husband Dean might co-star in the Broadway production of Chicago. Hey, big spenders, won’t you spend a little time with us? [People]
Jonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.
Walk the Line, 11:20 a.m. (EST), HBO Zone: Joaquin Phoenix does an absolutely spooky job channeling the Man in Black in this Oscar-nominated flick about Johnny Cash’s lifethat set the bar for biopics. Brilliant performance scenes feature actors doing all their own singing, and singers doing some acting (Shooter Jennings, Tyler Hilton), but not in a Madonna-Swept Away kind of way. We promise.
Pretty in Pink, 8:00 p.m. (EST), AMC: This ’80s teen angst opus pretty much defined what a soundtrack should do — mixing power pop titans like New Order and INXS amongst sh*t you’d never heard before. John Hughes Poster Girl Molly Ringwald stars, and her former boyfriend and Zappa progeny Dweezil gets a SAG card with a line in a club scene.
- It turns out that Foxy Brown isn’t pregnant, after all. The only thing she’s giving birth to is some bulls***. [CONCRETELOOP]
- Flavor Flav is photographed spending quality time with his youngest daughter. Think the Flavor of Love 3 mansion will have a nursery wing? [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Ryan Phillippe reveals he considered suicide after his marriage with Reese Witherspoon fell apart. See, it’s hard not to get attached to your breadwinner. [Dlisted]
- Shaquille O’Neal‘s bus features a mural that pictures him in famous scenes from Scarface, The Sopranos and the like. Damn, it feels good to be a wanksta. [CityRag]
- Katie Holmes is a terrible photographer. Scientology rears its head yet again! [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Check out this video of Diddy allegedly buying some ecstasy in Ibiza. We say allegedly because the f*cking thing is sideways, and you can’t really see anything other a bunch of guys standing around while really craptastic music ruins their ear drums (seriously, the guys in the clown wigs and the police officer dude should consider reevaluating their life choices thus far). But, I mean, of course it’s Diddy buying E! Obvs. Or it’s Diddy buying some pizza, trading Magic cards, or grabbing a baseball bat to swing at those douchebags behind him. Your guess is as good as ours.
Diddy’s Gots Some Chatty Baby’s Mamas
Diddy’s Got a Baby in hot’lanta
Diddy’s Annual White Party Pics
Diddy’s Ex Reveals: “He’s Cheated”
Sienna and Diddy Do It Up in Ibiza
Diddy & Penelope: St. Tropez Sleepover
Below is yet another closer look at some of the men who’ll appear on I Love New York 2. This group is the Mama’s Boys — all of them were hand-picked by Sister Patterson. Let’s hope she didn’t scratch them.
This will be the last group of close-ups we release on this blog. To get the bigger picture on the Internet Guys, you’ll have to watch the I Love New York 2 Casting Special, which is set to air Oct. 1 on VH1. Until then, feast your eyes on the hotness:
Tim‘s weighed in. Kanye‘s got an opinion. And now? Flame-haired piano humper Tori Amos has spoken out on the Britney debacle. At a September 11th concert in Melbourne, Australia, the singer coyly stated, “I have a comment…We’ve all seen it on the news,” remaining oblique enough that fans might have thought she would address the September 11th tragedies, but Amos had another tragedy in mind. She then launched into a brand new song about Britney Spears and the shambles her life has become. “Britney, they set you up/ But you drank from their cup,” Amos crooned, then sang “Well, maybe you’re a mother/ But you still need your mother.” Who knew Tori had a subscription to UsWeekly? Turns out this isn’t the first time Tori’s turned to celeb events for inspiration — she took a swipe at Lindsay Lohan in her song “I’m Not Stupid.”
“But really, who doesn’t suck d*** in this world?” says Brandi M., when asked about her infamous fellatio-referencing nickname. But whether you choose to call her, “B***j** Brandi,” “B.B.” or “Wild Thing,” in the interview below, Brandi proves that a rose by any other name is just as thorny. After the jump, Brandi talks about her frequent bouts with alcohol poisoning (nine times and counting!), her flip-flopping emotions on her final episode, mixing vodka with her Russian heritage and why she has all the respect in the world for strippers.