Britney Pisses Off The Catholic Church

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britney-spears-prayer.jpgHey God,

Waddup. It’s your girl Brit – remember me? I know, I know – long time no pray. Sorry about that. I got busy marrying a couple people and I had some babies and – oh you probably know all this stuff, huh. Anyhoo, I need to talk to you about something – no, not the flashing problem. I’m trying to wear underwear now, thanks. Here’s the thing – I did a bunch of sexy pics for my new album that feature me posing on a priest’s lap (not a real priest, obviously!) in one of those confession booth thingies. Now all these leader-y people in the Catholic church are like, super mad at me! I was just trying to be proactiv provocative and stuff – that’s why people pay attention to me! I wanna make sure you and I are still cool because you’re like my main homie – even if I don’t act like it I’m still totally religious-y. I wear a lot of necklaces with diamond crosses on them and I’m totally shouting you out! Okay, I think my hot pockets are done so I should stop prayin’ now and go eat.

Oh also, I pray that lotttttssss of people buy my new album today. Please?

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Tuesday: No Nicotine for Nicole Richie

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nicole-richie-1030.jpgKid Rock Cleared in VMA Fight
Phew – now all the singer has to worry about is the charges from that pesky Waffle House beatdown. [People]

Nicole Richie Negs Smoking Rumor
It was alleged that the starlet was spotted smoking in NYC, but her rep reports that Nic is is nowhere near the east coast. Better take it back before Joel kicks some ass! [Us]

Britney Causes Late-Night Craziness
The singer and her gal pal Alli get pulled over last night and all hell breaks loose – including some drunk dancing on the side of the road. Amazingly, Brit was not the booty shaker – this time. [TMZ]

Did Barack Obama Diss Brad Pitt?

The presidential candidate may have rejected Pitt after the actor offered his endorsement services to Obama’s campaign. Finally – someone who’s not been bitten by the Brangelina bug. [NYDN]

Lindsay Looks Hot for AA Meeting
She looks like she’s going clubbing, but instead she’s sexing up an LA medical Center at her AA meeting. The 12 steps never looked so good (and tan). [x17]

Thin Man Moves On: RIP Porter Wagoner

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porter.jpg

Country music fans know that it’s one of life’s great pleasures to hear Porter Wagoner bounce his way through a shuffle or crawl his way through a ballad. The lanky singer, who died yesterday in Nashville at the age of 80, could be a chilling vocalist regardless of of the style. Wagoner is known for being one of the most dapper entertainers in country music – onstage he often sported one of the exotic suits designed by the famed designer Nudie Cohen. He’s also the bandleader who brought Dolly Parton out of Eastern Tennessee obscurity in the late ’60s. Earlier this year, after a lifetime of hits, he cut a gorgeous new disc of hardcore country tunes; it was produced by Marty Stewart, shown with Porter in the picture above.

Kanye’s Book Redefines The Term “Tell-All”

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kanye_bookIn a stunningly self-aware move, Kanye West is publishing Thank You And You’re Welcome, a collection of “the creative, humorous and insightful philosophies and anecdotes used in creating my path to success,” West posted on his blog — but we’re a little suspicious of where he got the idea.

The book, due out this January, was penned by West with co-author J. Sakiya Sandifer. We’re betting the “How to Lose Gracefully At An Awards Show” chapter might not be included, but no doubt “On-Camera Etiquette During Disaster Relief” will be covered.

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Next Great Band: Dylan Gets Idolized

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rocket04.jpgThe Vegas desert vanished as the American Idol-esque circular stage became the spot on which 12 groups romped their way through Bob Dylan songs on Friday night. The Next Great American Band is off and running, and if you can believe it, none of the participants truly stinks.

Does that make for boring TV? A little bit. But there was enough novelty in the air during the two-hour escapade to keep an ear open. The blond bass player from Tres Bien gave some dubiously inspirational words to kick off the Zimmy fest: “Playing a song by someone who is so intellectual isn’t a challenge, it’s an honor!” Their version of “Subterranean Homesick Blues” was bubbly and ’60s enough to make you fantasize about Freddy and the Dreamers being the backup band on Bringing It All Back Home.

Here are some highs and lows. Which groups are getting kicked off this week? Weigh in.

THE IRRITATING BITS:

Denver‘s hokey choice of a modern zoot suit, as well as his non-ironic Paul Shaffer shtick (Dicko: “take that clown suit on a one way trip to the charity shop.”)

Johnny Rzeznik saying that some bands need to be more original, when his own Goo Goo Dolls started off as a a virtual Replacements tribute group.

Sheila E. declaring that Franklin Bridge would win the entire series, and then changing her mind when Sixwire did their peaceful easy feeling take on “Mr. Tambourine Man.”

Read more…

T.I. Free: Farrakahn Screams “Set Up”

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ti-102907.jpgRapper and assault weapons lover T.I. is back home after posting $3 million in bail – $2 million of it in cash! You could make a fort out of all those dollar bills. All T.I. could say as he left the courthouse on Friday was, “Due to the severity of the situation, I can’t say much more.” It’s a good thing we can! The rapper is now stuck at home and can’t leave except for medical and court appointments, and the only other people who can live with him are his kids and girlfriend. What the hell are they going to do together for all that time? One fun game is to debate whether or not the current gun charges are all just a “set up.” According to Louis Farrakhan that’s exactly what’s happening to the star, and he’s also hypothesized that Little Wayne is next on the chopping block. You never know – we’ve heard crazier stuff before. Maybe T.I. just thought he was heading to buy some bootleg DVDs – not a bunch of machine guns and silencers.

Are you down with the set up theory or do you think T.I. was gun hungry? [Yahoo. Image: Getty]

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Prince Goes Crazy Over Home Video

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By all accounts this kid appears to be just another adorable baby internet star who loves doing cute things like jamming to Prince while pushing a stroller on tape. Turns out he’s at the heart of a music copyright controversy after The Artist Currently Known as Lame freaked out and had his music label force YouTube to take down all videos featuring his tunes. Stephanie Lenz, mother of the little guy in question, fought back – and got her video (which had only been viewed by twenty-eight people when it was removed in June) back on the web, and she’s now suing Universal Music Publishing Group, Prince’s label. Apparently the tiny singer “scours the Internet” searching for videos that use his music, and Lenz’s clip was one of many that Prince personally requested to be taken down. Doesn’t this guy have better things to do? Perhaps a sequel to Purple Rain or a romp in the millions of dollars that he surely keeps stocked in the pool in his backyard? [ABC News]

Halloween Hounds

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Britney Spears, Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, and Hugh Hefner all made it out to Tompkins Square Park in NYC yesterday for their 17th Annual Halloween Dog Parade. Their glamorous lifestyles sure have taken a toll on their appearances.

Are you dressing up your favorite pets this Halloween? If you’re turning a mutt into a celeb send us photos! We’ll add the best submissions to this post as they are received. Shoot a JPEG to: vh1blog@vh1.com.