What can’t the iPhone, released today, do? Nothing. It takes polaroids, acts as a prophylactic and comes with a hat. And what are you doing reading this when you could be waiting on line, dropping $600 on a phone? Oh. You’re reading this on your new iPhone. Cool.
Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: John McClane returns to kick ass for America in Live Free or Die Hard.
"Lights! Camera! Ancient!" — The New York Post
"Since much of the ol’ action hero’s aging core audience is presumably tied down these days, the main duty this time — for Fox not least — is to serve and protect the kids. Can we get Kevin Smith to play a ‘digital Jedi,’ joysticking for freedom in his mom’s basement? Can we say Yippee-ki-yay, muthaf*cka and still get a PG-13?" — Village Voice
"In order to qualify as bad guys in the Die Hard series, evil computer whizzes defy convention with their dashing good looks, fashion sense and physically superior endowments. The villains here are a scary hybrid: hot computer nerd ninjas." — USA Today
Check out this video of Britney Spears giving her mom what are apparently legal papers requesting that Lynne Spears stay away from her grandchildren if she is taking medication that impairs her ability to function appropriately in their presence. Supposedly Brit’s motivation is to keep her mom from seeing her kids at Kevin’s house, where she believes the two conspired to force her into rehab. The showdown took place outside a trailer on the set of Jamie Lynne Spears’ TV show, which just seems to be an oh so fitting spot for this trashy mother-daughter battle. X17 has some great close-up shots of Brit doing the deed in skimpy jean cutoffs and a slinky tank top. In the video, you’ll notice that she picks her wedgie and has to pull her shirt straps up constantly. Real classy! Britney should just hand these papers to herself instead.
Paris Says Aloha To Hawaii
Dressed in a strange black wig, floppy straw hat and a billowy white dress, Paris bolts off the mainland for some much need R&R. [TMZ]
K-Fed Won’t Sign Divorce Papers
Kevin is holding off on signing divorce papers because he’s wary of Britney’s recent odd behavior and post-rehab boozing. Who’d have thought he’d be the responsible one?
Oprah to Open Chicago Store
It’s the one thing Oprah has yet to conquer, but now the richest woman in the world is taking a stab at retail, opening up shop near her studio in Chicago to sell Oprah iPod covers and beach totes, as well as African baskets and art.
There’s lots of star power driving the Concert For Diana – from Kanye to Fergie the performers are going to turn some heads. But the string of presenters is looking way strong, too. Sienna Miller, Clive Owen, Kiefer Sutherland, Liz Hurley, Dennis Hopper, and Patsy Kensit are slated to be take part on Sunday. And Mr. Ricky Gervais is set to make a few people laugh.
Watch the whole thing live on VH1 and VH1.com this Sunday at 11 am EST.
What keeps Enrique Iglesias up at night? Porn. You read that right. To find out what else keeps the Latin heartthrob awake, check this out.
Public schools are stressed out these days – there’s not enough loot going around to fund all the programs kids need. The first classes to be cut are often arts oriented, which is why we’re proud our VH1 Save The Music Foundation has helped sustain innumerable schools by donating a variety of instruments and beating the drum about plight of the programs.
After a decade of such superhero work, the Foundation is throwing itself a bash. On September 20, the Save the Music 10th Anniversary Gala presented by LG spends the evening paying tribute to former President Bill Clinton, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, Mariah Carey, VH1 Save the Music Founder John Sykes and NAMM. Performers include Jon Bon Jovi, John Mayer, and Roger Waters, as well as an all-student orchestra of musicians from around the country. Head over here to get ticket information – you might want to congratulate some of these folks yourself.
The recently engaged Tyrese has announced that his next tour, creepily named the "Shirts Off Tour," will be for ladies only. Apparently the actor/model/singer has told media outlets that he and fellow tour mates Ginuwine and Tank are "putting a ban on all dudes from coming to the show." Hmmm. Does that include yourself, smartypants?
Maybe he doesn’t come out and say it, but one could assume from this ban that Tyrese and friends don’t want their gay male fans to come see them perform. Tyrese has allegedly made homophobic remarks at a concert before, so it appears fishy. It also seems completely ridiculous to ban anyone from a concert, especially when they are fans who are there to support you. So fine, Tyrese, have fun performing for three
ladies with your shirt off. Next time, try getting with the rest of the world. It’s 2007. Enrique Iglesias is serenading dudes at his show! AfterElton is right – take a tip from the Latin crooner and "consider a fan a fan."
Multiple "law enforcement sources" have told TMZ that Lindsay Lohan‘s toxicology reports show that the star had "nearly twice the legal limit" of booze and traces of cocaine in her system during her fateful Memorial Day car crash. As we already know, cops on the scene found a "usable amount" of blow in her Mercedes, so it seems only logical that some of that ended up in her nose. The Beverly Hills Police Department could present the case to the Los Angeles District Attorney very soon, which means that Lindsay may end up like one of our other favorite media darlings, drawing pictures and crying in the fetal position behind bars.
Looks like Transformers star and bona-fide Maxim hottie Megan Fox is tripping all over Jessica Biel‘s parade. VH1 News caught up with Fox on the Transformers red carpet last night and asked her what she would transform into, were she able to transform into anything she wanted. Her response? "Justin Timberlake‘s girlfriend." Watch out, Jessica Biel! Megan Fox has the crazy eye!