Listen up, lambs! Mariah‘s back with a new album, wearing nothing but a hat. Mariah’s follow-up to The Emancipation of Mimi is slated to drop in April, and the album cover and title have allegedly leaked. Called That Chick, Mariah stated in early January that she hadn’t yet arrived at an album title and hinted that it might be “the exact opposite” of Mimi. British site Discopop alleges they got a listen, and revealed track titles like “Migrate,” “Lovin’ You Long Time,” “Touch My Body” and “Bye Bye.”
Because this weekend’s films have received uniformly poor reviews, we’ve rounded up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. Mad Money is absurd and Katie Holmes apparently forgot how to act; 27 Dresses is just sort of sad; and Cloverfield is a special-effects trailer blown up to 84 minutes.
“Don’t take the money, just run: And the cinematic comeback of the year award goes to . . . someone other than Katie Holmes, whose comedy Mad Money is the most cringe-making return since Love Boat: The Next Wave. Holmes, with Alice Cooper hair and crazy Jim Carrey eyes, looks terrible and acts worse, unless this movie is unintentionally a lobotomy documentary. Whatever could have happened to her in the last couple of years to zap the talent out of her like this?” — The New York Post, surreptitiously referring to Tom Cruise and, perhaps, the Church of Scientology
Sad News for Lily Allen
The British singer has reportedly suffered a miscarriage, after annoucing her pregnancy last month. Sadness. [DListed]
Amy’s Shouts for Blake at Hearing
Blonde Wino showed up late to support her hubby at a court hearing, where she hollered sweet nothings at him through the glass and sassed photogs. She’s still got it! [People]
Brit Does Her Own PR
Lest you think Britney is stupid, word is that she leaked the gorgeous pics of her posing with her kids (and not the actual photographer, as was reported) the week she was stripped of her custody. [MSNBC]
Here Comes Heidi Montag’s Single!
And here come our ear plugs! Get ready to turn off the radio on February 5th. [Socialite's Life]
Pam Anderson: Still Desperate to Divorce
Pam and Rick were recently spotted cuddling, but she’s still giving their marriage the boot. If she is knocked up, she’s raising their kid sans its sex tape daddy. [TMZ]
Dr. Drew’s weekly commentary on Celebrity Rehab continues! After the jump, the doctor to the stars talks the group’s instantaneous bond, romanticizing drugs and alcohol and his fearlessness in the face of extreme behavior like this:
You saw this week’s opening shot from the American Idol gang–a bunch of dreamers from Philly and Dallas laying it out there. That includes James Lewis, the basso-voiced dude who puts mucho drama into his performances. It’s hard to tell if he’s serious or not. But this clip suggests that Tay Zonday might have put him up to it.
Side note: Is it right for the dumb-assed show judges to chortle at James?
Britney. Up all night. Again. Thank goodness for Starbucks, huh? Last night Britney managed to have dinner with her boyfriend, get a bunch of photographers arrested, shop for groceries at midnight, and then force some poor girl to open up Kitson at 2 a.m. so she could go shopping. Britney left the store in a men’s shirt, tie and not much else. How much do you want to bet that salesgirl quit as soon as she woke up this afternoon?
Foxy Brown is a genius, seriously. Her latest attempt to get out of jail involves her ears–which she should have used to listen to the judge back when she was put on probation. Had she done that–and behaved herself–she probably wouldn’t have ended up in jail in the first place. But alas, Foxy’s Blackberry-hurling ways landed her behind bars for a year, and now she’s written to the judge, attempting to get released early so that she can fix her on-again off-again hearing problem. Say what?
“I ask you to please take into consideration that my health is in jeopardy. Yes, I’ve made some bad choices and stupid mistakes. But please understand that sitting in a prison with murderers and criminals is not rehabilitating or what I need to deal with my inner issues.”
Or her inner ear. The only doctor who’s had success treating Foxy is in California, obvs. That’s where her lawyer wants her to head. He told the judge, “If her hearing is damaged any further . . . it will have dire consequences on her ability to maintain her profession and livelihood.” Seeing as her livelihood prior to her incarceration was causing mayhem by throwing sh*t at people, we think Foxy’s probably fine just where she is.
Only two weeks after their wedding, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds are separating. You know its bad when you can’t even make a marriage last longer than Pam Anderson. In a statement released on the heels of their “spiritual ceremony” in Bora Bora, the couple have decided to forgo getting legally married and “remain friends.” Sources who attended the wedding say that Murphy “started yelling at Tracey in front of people. He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing.” But was that the final straw that sent Edmonds packing? We speculated as to what the real reasons were:
* Eddie’s insistence on wearing The Nutty Professor fat suit to bed
* His habit of ending fights with “I was in Beverly Hills Cop III!”
* Martin Lawrence sleeping on the couch
* The post-op tranny room
* Repeated threats of recording a follow-up to “Party All the Time”
* His Shrek shrine
* Norbit 2
The fine minds over at New York magazine’s Vulture blog have pointed to a clip of the monster from Cloverfield, J.J. Abrams’ super-secret disaster film opening tomorrow. The movie’s shot from the point of view of a group of people who are on the streets of Manhattan when the thing attacks — and not, say, filmed from the lofty vantage of the president, newspaper editor-in-chief and five-star army general. It’s filled with shaky, hand-held footage and apparently offers a disturbingly real vision of New York City post tragic disaster. While that might be fun for the movie people in L.A. (and, indeed, everywhere else on Earth), us New York people are a little skittish about, you know, the End Of The World. Maybe that’s because we’ve become friendly with the guy who wears the placard that reads “The End Is Nigh!” all the time, seeing as how we hang out with him sometimes on our lunchbreak and discuss politics, Revelation, print-making, etc. Regardless, if you want to poison your mind with visions of the beast, click here. If not, steer clear of this post — and theaters this weekend.
And by the way, this isn’t the first time a monster or an alien or a terrorist tried to ruin NYC. Have fun checking our list of previous attempts.
We rejoin American Idol at the scene of its prior triumph, the Lone Star State. Six seasons ago, Idol’s one bona fide success, Kelly Clarkson, rose from the anonymous ranks through the Dallas auditions to a win spot in America’s heart and on her radio. With 13,000 people gathered to test their merit, Dallas was rife with lessons for the aspiring Idol-ologist.
Class is in session!