Who Are the Five Unsexiest Women Alive?

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That glorious mens rag Maxim has named the following ladies The Five Unsexiest Women Alive:

5. Britney Spears
4. Madonna
3. Sandra Oh
2. Amy Winehouse
1. Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica has a horse face! Brit’s gained “23 pounds of Funyun pudge!” Yeah we get it – some ladies aren’t Megan Fox and therefore deserve what little self worth they have left shredded to bits with hackneyed, overused phrases. It’s a good thing they have their millions to cry into! Also – Sandra Oh? Really? We get Britney, but Oh was totally bangin’ back in Sideways. Get with it. We thought the original list could use some real, hardcore unsexiness, so here’s our go at it. What do you think?

5. anncoulter2.jpg Ann Coulter

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Blog Best-Of: Christina’s Coloring

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christina_links.jpg- Here’s a funny correlation: the more pregnant Christina Aguilera gets, the more bronzer she puts on. It’s pumpkin-chic and it’s just in time for Halloween! [Jezebel]

- The Notorious B.I.G. wax figure debuts. He loves it when you call him “Big Paraffin.” [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Christina Ricci used to make a habit out of displaying her nipples at film premieres. In retrospect, this was the beginning of the end for her. [CityRag]

- A bear comes forward and claims that he had sex with Larry Craig. So now he’s gay and into animals?!? [Dlisted]

- Marie Osmond blogs about fainting on Dancing With the Stars. She’s really gonna have a hell of a time topping it next week. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

[Image: Getty]

Japan Makes Potty Training Adorable

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I’m not so sure potty-training videos even exist here in the good ol’ US of A, but if there is such a thing it probably involve puppets and a singing acapella group. You know, something that gives you that creepy vibe even though it’s meant for two-year olds. But our friends across the globe in Japan have come up with this joyous, adorable (and easy!) cartoon of a cat family that loves to pee and poop together, to help train kids on when and where to go. It’s giggle-tastic – and pretty ridiculous. As much as I love the hyper-celebratory cartoon (and the smiling poop who loves getting flushed down the toilet), the part at the end with the actual kid is just straight up uncool. This video is gonna come back to haunt him in about ten years, and he’ll probably get his head shoved in some toilet by bullies as punishment for his childhood acting cred. Not sure if that’s ironic, but it’ll definitely suck.

Britney’s Secret Diary Revealed!

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britneyspears102507.jpgJust what we’ve been waiting for – the secret diary of Miss Britney Spears! Apparently lil’ miss collagen lips had herself a private journal, but got sick of it and tossed it in the trash – right next to her old puppy BitBit. Never fear, her wonderful friend Sam Lufti apparently dug it up and is shopping it around for $2 million. The asking price seems ridiculous, though she does allegedly dish on her drug habits! Oh, what we wouldn’t give to have that book in our hands. Sam did let us have a sneak peek, however – and here’s one page we were able to pull.

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How Many Steve Carells Are There?

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He was a once a mailman. A long time ago, he wanted to be a lawyer. And he started his film career with – don’t be a hater - Curly Sue. But Steve Carell has made up for all that. These days he’s a 40-year-old virgin, nimrod office boss, and, if you can believe it, Maxwell Smart. As of tomorrow and the arrival of Dan in Real Life, he’s also a schlub with family problems, just like alot of us. We corralled a bunch of Carell trivia for you, and these movie clips should help you decide if you’re down with Dan.
What’s your favorite Carell character, Michael Scott or one of his big screen guys?

Halle Berry is One Good Lookin’ Mama

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hallea.jpgWell played Ms. Berry, well played. Your sultry appearance in world’s most amazing blue dress has almost made me forget all about your awkward “Jewish cousin comment.” Bravo! Halle looked beyond ravishing at the London premiere of her new Oscar-buzzin’ flick Things We Lost in the Fire, and is a walking advertisement for all the pregnant ladies in the house. I’m pretty sure if all us ladies could all walk around looking 4 months preggers like Halle, we would. Everything is workin’ in all the right places. Does she even have a bad place?

Check out more of Halle’s hotness below. Try not to drool!

[All Images: Getty]

Tommy Lee: Too Smart for Rock of Love

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The idea of appearing on a reality dating show does not turn Tommy Lee on. According to MTV News, in a recent newsletter, Tommy cleared up those rumors that he’d be the center of an upcoming season of Rock of Love:

I am not, nor would I ever, do a stupid show like the Rock of Love.

Yes, yes. Tommy Lee is way too sophisticated for that. His on-screen offerings generally involve high-brow situations like having extremely vocal sex with Pamela Anderson or eating testicles on his not-at-all-stupid 2005 reality series Tommy Lee Goes to College.

<:tommyleeballs::e>

Take that, Bret Michaels! [MTV News]

About Last Night: Ultra Fresh Party Pics

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.

Katie Holmes accompanied her vertically challenged husband, Tom Cruise, to the German premiere of Lions for Lambs.

Halle Berry looked amazing at the UK premiere of her latest film, Things We Lost in the Fire.

Steve Carell, Dane Cook, Juliette Binoche, and most of The Office cast (including Jenna Fischer and Melora Hardin, pictured above) attended the premiere of Dan in Real Life.

Jay-Z Wants To Tell You A Story…

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“This is what would have happened if I hadn’t become Jay-Z,” said the president of Def Jam Records last night at the taping of our latest Storytellers show. “This is Shawn Carter’s story.” And with that, the veteran MC launched into eight tracks from his upcoming American Gangsta (inspired by the new Denzel Washington movie, but you know that). With a full horn section, a DJ, and his girl Beyonce in the audience singing along to nearly every song, Jigga rocked the new studios that populate the Brooklyn Navy Yards – just a few blocks from his dope-slinging beginnings at the Marcy Projects. Imploring the crowd to “make a party out of it,” Jay tore into the stomping “Pray,” and ended with the already-leaked bonus track “Blue Magic” (hear it legally on Rhapsody). To find out what’s in between, you’ll have to tune in on November 8th.

Check out another shot of Jay at last night’s show after the jump. There’s also a RZA interview about the new movie.

[Images: Jason Kempin/FilmMagic/VH1]

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Mariah Carey on the Way Things Work

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Mariah Carey‘s upcoming album is now as delayed as signs of aging are on her face. But you can’t blame Botox for this one — in fact, it’s hard to know what to blame. It would seem that it’s merely a matter of Mariah taking the time to record the album that she wants to (art, much like love, takes time, didn’t you know?). She’s, in fact, still recording — she recently had a “really hot” session with “someone Miami” (she’s not saying who). Except, instead of using the perfectly valid excuse of that pesky creative process, she’s blaming the delay on…consumerism. Eh? Says Mimi:

You can’t really put records out in December if you want the whole world to have a chance to actually hear it, [and] my fans all over the world are very important to me.

How selfless of her! Pay no attention to the fact that more albums sell during the holiday-buying season than any other time of year. You know, she’s only been doing this for 17 years, you can’t really expect her to understand how the music industry works. [MTV News / Image credit: Getty]