(See the somewhat racy, functionally NSFW Vanity Fair cover, which is being aped above, after the jump.)
Oh, Tila, it is as we feared. There are fundamental flaws with A Shot of Love. But before we delve into the nitty-gritty, we’d like to point out the positive: You are a radiant and sophisticated presence on screen and your physical beauty is simply unparalleled. We know of no other star who has the ability to exude sex and innocence and worldy wit – all at the same time. Just look at these screenshots from MTV!
As for the production itself … We are sorry to see that the executives at MTV have foisted upon you a group of 16 absurd men and 16 “women” who are undeserving of your attention. We cringed as we watched last night’s premiere, sympathetic to how you must have immediately intuited the crux of your dilemma: You will not find love here, not among these barnyard animals, these bouncers and strippers, these reality-program dregs who would not last one commercial break on a decent network. No, you will not find love.
You might, however, find a disease.
This is something we do not wish for you, Tila. Hear our plea: If your show were to air on VH1, things would be very, very different. (Dear faithful readers: If you agree, you should visit www.vh1wantstilatequila.com.) We implore you to bring your show here, Tila. Before it is too late, before you become so disillusioned with relationships, so deadened to the real and fulfilling nature of deep human connection, you become anhedonic and require serious medication simply to function.
Yes, your contestants are that bad. This is not hyperbole.
We love this hilarious video featuring hip hop “hit maker” Lil Royce on his quest to persuade Common and Kanye West to collaborate with him on his new album. The only problem – the tracks are all skits of him getting shot by major stars. As he explains in the video, “Lil Royce has collaborated with over 500 rappers since the mid 1980s. On many rap albums, rappers have “skits” where they shoot someone to prove how tough they are. He’s the guy they shoot.”
Check out the above clip to see if he succeeds at getting the emcees to go to town on him with a loaded gun. Be warned – there’s lots of NSFW language in this piece. But what do you expect – Lil Royce is gangsta! [FunnyorDie]
If you aren’t feeling infuriated enough over the state of the world, you’d be wise to check out “Mad About the Boys,” a story in the new issue of Vanity Fair that details Backstreet Boys and ‘NSync Svengali Lou Pearlman’s all-around inappropriate behavior as a liar, fraud, philanderer, thief and creepy old dude who gets off touching the young boys he mentors. Among the story’s many allegations is that Lou molested an underage Nick Carter, a story Nick’s own mother stops just short of confirming. In its brutal character assault of an already shady character (Lou’s in jail for extorting around $500 million from various investors), the story comes off as nothing but sound, citing that various sources (many anonymous and ranging from his right-hand men to his next door neighbor’s gardener) have independently confirmed writer Bryan Burrough’s allegations.
But now, Lou has hit back, talking exclusively to Radar Online…
You ready for Brit’s 1-2-3 punch? Here it is!
1. She’s been accused of being physically violent against her ex-hubby, which may account for the “no corporal punishment” clause in their custody agreement. Did all his tank tops make her throw fisticuffs?
2. Britney’s been ordered by a judge to be booked for that ‘Whoops! I just hit a parked car, ya’ll!’ moment she had in August. Seeing as Brit just walked away from the scene the incident is technically a hit and run, and she is trying to settle with the ‘victim’ out of court. We just want a Britney mugshot!
3. The album of the year is about to hit stores early! Britney’s latest attempt at a comeback, her new album Blackout (yes, that’s the real name), is dropping two weeks early on October 30th. This means you can actually buy all the songs you’ve already heard leaked all over the internet! [Image: Getty]
Britney Loses Her Kids
Britney Bombs on the VMAs
Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth
Britney’s Nutty, Naked Photoshoot
Britney’s Naked Hot Tub Makeout Session
Britney’s Most Shocking Moments
Box Set: Britney Spears
Sorry to hurt your feelings, but it’s true! The South African native was just named The Sexiest Woman Alive (this year) by Esquire, which is a big deal in the world of hotness! Sure, Charlize is good enough at playing ugly people to win an Oscar, but what she’s best at is looking totally smokin’ in only a tank top. We’re jealous.
Check out more pics below of Charlize looking red carpet sexy. Do you think she deserved the title or was there another hottie you wanted to see almost naked on the cover of Esquire? Give us names! [People. Images: Getty]
She’s baa-aack! And this time she’s in love! For real! Seriously! The queen of Celebreality, Miss Tiffany “New York” Pollard gives us an exclusive scoop on the new season of I Love New York. New York talks about being dumped by Tango, her new dudes, how she plans on holding onto the winner of I Love New York 2 and, maybe most importantly, penises. You probably could have guessed, but now you have confirmation: New York is a size queen and proud of it. The d*** discourse begins after the jump…
Holy crap everyone! Jennifer Lopez can have BABIES! Maybe even – get this – TWO of them! We are FREAKING OUT! I mean seriously, can you imagine – a woman having a baby!? Much less, a super famous woman who makes bad movies and sing mediocre songs that are fun to dance to after two mojitos! Here we were thinking all Jennifer Lopez could do was look hot in revealing Versace dresses and ruin Ben Affleck‘s career. But we were wrong. Dead wrong. She can – gasp! – reproduce. Who cares if millions of other women do this every year. This is J. effing LO we are talking about! We should get a day off from work when her child (children?) is born! Let’s face it – we will be too in awe to even look at the computer screen. Most of all, we can’t wait to hear how she accomplished this amazing feat. We hope that her husband Marc Anthony had something to do with it! Whee! [Us Weekly]
Boooooo. This week’s episode of The Hills was just a “Cram Session” of the season thus far with 2 clips of never before seen footage thrown in to entice us uber-fans. Seeing as we already know what happened and the new footage was dumber than Spencer, let’s talk about what really matters – Jen Bunney and Heidi’s (allegedly) new noses. Whose do you think looks better – and faker?
Where’s the best place to see Bruce Springsteen? Don’t make me actually write down the answer – you know it’s Jersey. Those fans without tickets to this evening’s E Street Band bash at Continental Arena in East Rutherford (which is most of the people on the planet) can get a fix. At 8 pm EST, we’re cutting into the show and pulling out a couple performances for you. One tune is definitely “Radio Nowhere,” the blistering firebomb from the singer’s new Magic. The other is a Springsteen classic that the guys are keeping us guessing about. We’ll find out when they tear into it.
And don’t forget: Tivo fiends need to set their controls for the all-Bruce marathon that’s taking place today on VH1 Classic. The channel is awash in documentaries, live performances, “Storytellers” footage, and other great stuff.
If you’re looking to get tickets to some of the E Street shows, the tour rolls on at these stops.
What classic song do you think the band will play tonight on VH1?