Eve Is Not Amused

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eve_monitor.jpgPoor Eve! Not only did she have to withstand public scrutiny following her DUI arrest in April (she calls the ordeal “disgusting”), but she also has to put up with an alcohol monitor around her ankle that she envisioned being the size of a beeper, but is more akin to Bose headphones. According to her, “It’s the most annoying thing.” Awwww! Too bad she didn’t get thrown in jail, because that would have been so much more pleasant. The legal system is just so hard on celebs!

Eve gets to remove her Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor in about a week (she wore it as part of her plea deal), but she had it around long enough to teach her something:

I definitely learned my lesson. It was a stupid situation, stupid decision. I did something dumb and now I’m paying for it…Don’t drink and drive kids.

At least she got to complain about it. That’s a sort of retribution, right? [People / Image credit: Getty]

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This is Who Rihanna is Dating?

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shiarihanna.jpgRihanna and the dorky kid from Transformers, Shia LeBeouf, are apparently a couple. Supposedly everyone on the set of Shia’s latest flick, Indiana Jones 4, is buzzing about it, and the couple was recently spotted dining together at a Beverly Hills restaurant. Now we could easily go off on the sexy singer and say something like “Rihanna, what the hell are you thinking? I mean, we’re sure the guy is nice and stuff but he kind of looks like an adorable hedgehog, and you are a goddess of angelic proportions. You were (maybe) getting it on with Jay-Z, the hunky king of hip hop! Isn’t this kind of a step down? Also his last name means ‘beef’ in French. Shia The Beef, Rihanna. Think about THAT.”

But we won’t.
Instead enjoy these pics of Rihanna looking all glam with her broken foot last night in Hollywood. [WWTDD. Images: Getty]

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Coogan Crosses Self Out

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Steve Coogan, best known for being the dude who supplied the drugs to fuel Owen Wilson‘s suicide attempt, has denied those allegations. To be fair, they arrived practically denying themselves as they’re courtesy of the ever-reliable Courtney Love. Nonetheless, you might want to rethink that, Steve, as this effectively removes you from pop culture radar. Now you’re known as the dude who didn’t supply drugs to fuel Owen Wilson‘s suicide attempt, like billions of other people. You might as well be Steve Seagal for all of your cultural relevance.

Regardless, Steve has issued a statement to Access Hollywood:

My thoughts are with my friend Owen at this difficult time, but I do want to set the record straight and say that the allegations published today are completely and utterly false.

Nice knowing you, man. [Access Hollywood / Image credit: Getty]

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Mayer Minds the Gap

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GapAs if John Mayer didn’t have enough to be ashamed about lately, he’s now contending with the absolute wallpapering of New York City with his Gap ad campaign. The pin-up is one of the stars of the Gap’s Classics Redefined campaign, and appears in all his tossle-haired glory around the streets of Manhattan. The singer is so ubiquitous in fact, that he’s posted a virtual apology on his blog, following the format of an awkward conversation, which he might have some experience with:

That’s a lot of GAP ads, is all I’m saying. I mean, I hope… Yah. Are we, you kno – yah. We cool? Cause I would nev- good. good. Sorry. Okay, I’m gon-yah, I’m gonna go. NO, I just.. I hav- bye.

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Rock on TV – The Shortlist

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ash.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place. Check out our shortlist. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV.

Awesome; I F**ckin’ Shot That!, 12:05 p.m. (EST), SHO2: Possibly the only official bootleg film in existence, this is what happens when one of the most innovative groups in rap give out 50 cameras during a stop on their 2004 tour at Madison Square Garden: fan-helmed madness ensues. The results range from passable concert video experience to motion-sickness inducing shakiness, but the sheer number of angles editor Adam Yauch
had to contend with rivalled the samples on Paul’s Boutique. Cameos from Money Mark, Dougie Fresh, Ben Stiller and David Cross pepper the film.

Undiscovered, 9:45 p.m.(EST), TMC: Let’s hope Pete Wentz doesn’t have basic cable. The younger Simpson sister stars in this utterly ground-breaking tale of struggling artists trying to make it on the streets of L.A., one of whom is Ash (she wears a little beret, that’s how you can tell she’s got it tough). There’s no drummer to blame this clunker of a performance on, Ash. Worth a viewing if only to get the taste of Glitter out of your mouth.

Usher’s “Wedding” Only 48 Hours Away

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Yeah!We had missed Usher and Tameka Foster and their constant marital drama, so it’s a real treat to have them back in the goss-spotlight. The tumultuous couple is reportedly planning a gigantic wedding bash in Atlanta to celebrate their marriage, which was made official on August 3rd after their original wedding in the Hamptons was canceled. Diddy, Janet Jackson and Ashanti are all rumored to be attending, but there’s no word yet about Usher’s haterific mom, who is apparently still at odds with Tameka. These guys gotta step it up and bring it this weekend! We want cake smashing, dress ruining, mascara streaking drama. After all, they owe it to us for being so quiet and mature all month. [Us Weekly. Image: Getty]

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Thursday: J. Lo Channels Her Inner Ho, Britney Wants to Shock Your Pants Off

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jlo083007.jpgPics: J. Lo Skanks It Up In New Video
It’s kind of confusing how Jennifer Lopez tries to be all glamorous in public but then her music videos are bootylicious ho-downs. Which block are you from, J.Lo? [Mollygood]

Courtney Love Tried to Save Owen?
The singer claims she tried to warn Owen about his druggie friends. How surprisingly normal of her! [Us Weekly]

Paris In Vegas Charitably Clubbing
The former jailbird danced up a sexy storm in Sin City this week for a good cause – the amusement of everyone watching her. [X17]

The Lohans’ Crazy Public Fight
Lindsay’s parents are now battling it out with each other via gossip blogs. Just reading about their BS makes me want to go to rehab. [Perez Hilton]

Brit Wants a “Shocking” Comeback
The sad singer wants to blow our minds with her VMA performance. How about cleaning up, putting on some pants, and acting like an adult? That would shock the s**t out of all of us. [US Weekly]

The Nuge Cracks, NRA Enjoys Free Press

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nugent.jpgLate last week, gun-toting Republican firebrand Ted Nugent invited Vibe cover star and rising presidential hopeful Barack Obama to suck on his machine gun. Nugent also called Obama “a piece of sh*t.” He nugent.jpgthen invited Hillary Clinton to ride his machine gun into the sunset, and called her “a worthless bitch.” (Click here to watch the footage.)

Helluva guy, that Ted. He must be best friends with Don Imus.

For those of you who don’t remember Nugent, he’s the genius who wrote “Cat Scratch Fever.” He’s also the drooling-lunatic-of-choice when it comes to punditry about gun control. It turns out that Ted’s not in favor of gun control. Go figure. Anyway, in a twist to this story, it turns out that the Nuge was scheduled to play a state fair in South Dakota. The fair’s organizer apparently contacted Nugent’s representative to remind Mr. Man that he would be performing for a family crowd. Ted kept his death-threats in check. But we wish that the fair’s organizer would have asked him to play Harlem instead. We can hope, though. All good things come to those who wait.

Blog Best-Of: Bobby’s Bad Luck

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bobby_links2.jpg- Bobby Brown files new divorce papers, asking for more custody rights and claiming that he spent a stint living in his car. It’s hard to feel bad for someone whose lifestyle most likely included 24/7 hotboxing. [Dlisted]

- Toni Braxton clears up the swirling rumors: she does not have breast cancer. Her breasts issued a follow-up statement that began, “Not the we minded the renewed interest in us, or anything…” [CONCRETELOOOP]

- There’s one word that summarizes Britney Spears‘ latest music and fashion decision: ass. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

- If Hayden Panettiere is rocking a cape, does that mean she’s going to fly away soon? Please? [Jezebel]

- Save a mink, skin an Olsen. [CityRag]

- Bowery saint and CBGB proprietor Hilly Kristal helped birth punk rock. The NYC institution has died. [VH1.com]

[Image credit: Getty]