Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: The lugubriously briny Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.
"Ahoy Vey! After three hours adrift, you’ll beg for the plank." — The New York Post
"Pirates raises everything from the dead, except inspiration." — Rolling Stone
"Overloaded with extraneous characters and weighed down by muddled seafaring mythology." — USA Today
The two-hour season finale was another Jack (pictured, right) episode. But rather than a flashback, we were given a genuine flash forward. Wild. Confusing, too. (Motorola Krzr phone, anyone? If it was a flashback prior to 2004, he couldn’t have had one.) But we went along for the ride anyway, and collectively gasped when they confirmed the flash forward. (You know you did.)
Are they all off the island? Are the writers done with the on-island story except for what are now flashbacks to the island? We have eight to nine months to wait and see. For now, let’s go back to the beginning …
Lots of pop fans have been loving "Young Folks," the catchy hit by Swedish cool guys Peter, Bjorn & John, and the song that’s made whistling chic again. Fresh from playing the Coachella festival, we challenged the trio to a whistle-off…only to discover that not everyone can get the job done. Take a look, then go spin "Young Folks" one more time.
Michael Jackson: $10 Million, No Singing That’s what a wealthy Prince is paying Jacko for appearing at his birthday party — and he doesn’t even have to sing. Pam Anderson, Naomi Campbell, and Kate Moss will also be in attendance, for free! [MSNBC]
Anna Nicole’s Sis Wants a Morph Job Her half-sister has devised a wild plan to dye her hair, get a boob job, and then approach Hugh Hefner about becoming a Playboy centerfold. No mention of marrying grandpa…
What do we learn from the 20-second spot? Basically that the old "sticks and stones" adage is meaningless in 2007. Isaiah’s just going through the motions here, saying what he’s supposed to say ("When you use words that demean a person because of their sexual orientation, race or gender, you send a message of hate. A very powerful message."). Talking for the sake of saving face is no way to convince anyone of the power of words.
Isaiah’s message would have been more powerful had it been direct: "I should have never called my gay co-star a ‘faggot.’ That was rude and uncivilized." But then he would have forced people to deal with just how brutal words can be — and a resulting public outcry would have been the likely result. That’s life in our post-Imus, politically correct United States. Ain’t it grand? [TMZ.com / Image credit: Getty]
Dating a teenager can make you do crazy things, as Marilyn Manson can attest to. For instance, Manson recently found himself at the center of a brouhaha over whether he and 19-year-old girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood simulated the sex scenes in his video for "Heart Shaped Glasses" (fingers crossed). Now, Marilyn Manson, the self-proclaimed God of F*ck, is covering everybody’s favorite recovering Mousketeer (no, not Britney) — Justin Timberlake. Manson doesn’t quite hit the high ones in this acoustic cut from a live BBC session, but the subject matter (all-consuming jealousy and rage) isn’t exactly a departure. Manson’s no stranger to covers though; his 1995 rendition of the Eurythmics‘ "Sweet Dreams" jump-started his career.
Another report from the department of Bizarre Covers: Rock lads Arctic Monkeys do a faithful cover of Amy Winehouse‘s "You Know I’m No Good," a woman whose buzz is officially bigger than her hair.
Jordin Sparks, the nicely proportioned 17-year-old who makes Ryan Seacrest look every bit as dainty as he is, was crowned the American Idol last night. Everyone seemed pretty pleased with the results of the votes, including runner-up Blake Lewis, who seemed genuinely happy for the success of his opponent.
The two-hour finale was really entertaining, too; the show finally pulled out all the stops, Check the highlights, like Doug E. Fresh beatboxing with Blake, after the jump.
Dead rock stars shilling shoes? That’s the idea behind Saatchi & Saatchi’s U.K. campaign, which features Kurt Cobain, Joey Ramone, Sid Vicious and Joe Strummer as they might appear in the afterlife, wearing Docs (Kurt had a preference for Converse One-Stars, but hey!, Photoshop is amazing). Said the campaign’s writer, Andrew Petch: “We wanted to communicate that Dr. Martens boots are ‘made to last, and we discovered that these idolized musicians wore them. Showing them still wearing their Docs in heaven dramatized the boots’ durability perfectly. And, as images, they feel very iconic." Wondering how such a thing is possible? The images are legally cleared for use in the U.K. Courtney Love‘s not too pleased about it. Her rep told People that she "did not, and would not, approve of such a use of Kurt’s name and likeness." She did, however, license Cobain’s music to CSI: Miami. People in glass houses and all that. See the rest of the campaign after the jump.