You hear that ticking sound? No, it’s not the fame clock running out on Flavor Flav . . . it’s the sound ovaries make on I Hate My 30s! Last night, two of our favorite females caught baby fever. Mandy decided to procreate with Kyle — a ridiculous decision, she’d have had more luck with a Cabbage Patch doll — while Carol babysat Travis‘ kid, Bickle, who is an unholy terror. Interviews with the lonely ladies after the jump. Can’t you just taste the estrogen?
After surviving those 82 minutes in the Lynwood jail, lucky-assed Nicole Richie has gotten back to her normal celeb duties and was shot with boyfriend Joel Madden while shopping and strolling. Love is in the air in these pics, the rocker proudly cupping his progeny. Take a look.
Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Balls of Fury makes critics mad enough to spit firecrackers. They were expecting Citizen Kane? We don’t know.
“Balls of Fury is a joke of a title in search of a movie with a single good joke.” — Entertainment Weekly
“Balls of Fury was written by:
a. Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant.
b. A racist monkey.” — LA Weekly [multiple choice test]
Brit’s Ex-Manager Feels K-Fed’s Wrath
Larry Rudolph was in hiding for weeks but there’s no stopping the K-Fed subpoena machine. Britney’s former manager will be forced to dish the dirt on the star in court – think she fed him booze to help him fall asleep too? [Us Weekly]
Owen’s Lawyer Denies Pill Popping
The actor’s counsel admits that Wilson slit his wrist in a suicide attempt but says no pills were ingested. It doesn’t really matter what he did or didn’t do – it’s still all just really sad. [WWTDD]
Rihanna Keeps New Love on the DL
The sexy singer tries to play it cool about her new man, saying “we are just friends.” Whatever – he’ll be under her umbrella soon enough. [DListed]
Gwen’s Got the Hot Mom Look Down
The Harajuku girl shows off her goods while vacationing with her fam in Hawaii. Think Kingston will be embarrassed when he realizes his mom’s a MILF? [WWTDD]
Pics: Angelina: From Iraq to Family Time
There’s a reason she stays so skinny – she just jets around and never eats. She’s either a super mom or super crazy. [Just Jared]
Last week’s elimination was a close one, as Scott and his stiff ways were sent packin’ and Pradeep barely held on to his spot in the house. Meanwhile we saw the first bit o’ action as Kosmo locked lips with a sexy lady during the final challenge. The guys are truly beginning to metamorphisize into true artists!
Who do you think will continue to perfect the craft this week?
And who’s gone for sure?
Jonesing for music on your television set? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.
Heavy: The Story of Metal: Welcome to My Nightmare, 8 p.m. (EST), VH1 Classic: We know what you want. We know what you need. We know what you crave . . . because we crave it, too. You know what we’re talking about. That’s right: We’re talking about metal. Heavy metal. Glam metal. Sludge metal. Death metal. British metal. Hair metal. Speed metal. Clown metal. Post-modern metal. Underoo metal. Folk metal. It doesn’t matter to us — any sort of metal will do. Tonight, we continue to help shorten the country’s attention span by reviewing the past 40 years in the heaviest rock around with this series of documentaries. Break out the assless chaps and sheepskin-lined jean-jacket, underachievers. Get ready to rock all. night. long.
The Henry Rollins Show, 11 p.m. (EST), IFC: The buff former Black Flag frontman (and one-time ice-cream vendor!) treats audiences to some political conversation with Ariana Huffington and a musical performance by Sinead O’Connor. One time, a long time ago, Sinead tore up a picture of the pope on national television. It was a very big deal back then. These days she’s exploring a more Rastafarian vibe. If you can dig it, we suggest you hang.
Scott Baio Is 45…and Single may be all about Scott Baio, but his life coach, Doc Ali, isn’t. In addition to helping Scott sort out his love woes on TV, she’s helping our readers sort out their problems online. If you need some advice on love, life and/or work, drop Doc Ali a line here. And check this spot every week to see if Doc has answered your questions.
After the jump, Doc Ali continues doling out the virtual guidance.
Ah, the ’90s.What adecade: U2 dressed up like girls, Tupac‘s stomach tattoowas legendary, and we were allfeeling so magnanimous that somehow Moby became a star. VH1′s 100 Greatest Songs of the ’90s celebrates the days when Britney Spears wasn’t crazy, just jailbait, and O.D.B. was racking up court dates faster than Ike Turner times Phil Spector to the power ofLindsay Lohan. Now it’s time to honor the decade that began with C&C Music Factory and ended with the stupidity of Woodstock ’99. We want your participation, too. What songs do you think shouldmake the list? Vote here, now. The people will have their voice! (The show airs in December, so check back for updates.)
So you think Miss South Carolina Teen, who seemed to bumble on TV, is dumb? Think again. Some great speeches have an immediate emotional impact (“I Had a Dream”) and others take time before their excellence is fully realized (“The Gettysburg Address”). But all great orations are studied and emulated around the world. By this standard, Miss South Carolina Teen’s quip about U.S. geography is shaping up to be a masterpiece. Listen to our (fake) sound clips!
- When Jessica Simpson found out John Mayer and Cameron Diaz are dating, she reportedly “had her mouth open a mile wide.” Unfortunately, John did not accept the invitation. [Dlisted]
- Terrence Howard says that when he can “discipline” himself in the area of sex, he’ll become a Jehovah’s Witness. Jehovah is such a killjoy. [Crunk + Disorderly]
- The woman Remy Ma shot speaks out: “It’s really hard. It really hurts.” Is she talking about her injury or Remy’s hairdo? [CONCRETELOOP]
- Lauren Conrad is photographed in a bikini. This is her way of reiterating that she’s younger, thinner and has more free time than you, just in case you missed The Hills this week. [The Blemish]
- James Blunt hooks up with yet another model. “You’re beautiful,” isn’t a line; it’s a way of life. [Celebslam]
[Image credit: Getty]