Kim To Become Kardashi-cat

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KardashicatIf you haven’t seen Kim Kardashian‘s vagina by now, you’re either blind or religious. Either way: fair enough. If you’re the rare creature that doesn’t fall into the above two categories, here’s a consolation: soon, you’ll get to see Kim’s Pussycat. The woman most famous for her sex tape is said to be in talks to join the Pusscat Dolls‘ Las Vegas review, which has a sort of revolving door policy for celebrity guests (Scarlett Johansson, Christina Aguilera and Eva Longoria have all played in their litter box shared their stage). There are no details of Kim’s supposed PCD stint, but all signs point to it being a temporary gig.

As amusing as this news is, it’s also sort of counterproductive to Kim’s skank factor. Going from hardcore porn to burlesque (or whatever you want to call the PCD’s peen-teasing) is like going from Bergdorf Goodman to Fashion Bug. DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! [TMZ]

But Isn’t Paris Already a Cartoon?

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Even as news breaks of Paris Hilton’s move from the L.A. County jail’s medical ward back to the regular women’s facility, and Barbara Walters announces, crazily, that she wouldn’t mind replacing Rosie O’Donnell with the heiress on The View, comic book overlord Stan Lee is getting in on the action. The Marvel maven (whose Fantastic Four 2 opens tomorrow) is reportedly developing an animated MTV series to star Paris. If you remember the Pamela Anderson Stripperella cartoon, then you’re on the right track. In the meantime, we’re wondering if Stan’s seen Heavy.com’s series Superficial Friends. It’s funny.

Brit’s Brilliant Album Ideas

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Every time Britney updates her website (remember this gem about hitting rock bottom?), I like to imagine her barefoot, locked in a giant computer room at her mansion in Malibu, typing away furiously while shoveling Cheetos in her mouth, and grinning as she types up some crazy rant while her "people" bang on the door begging her to stop. Thankfully, if this scenario is really taking place (oh, I hope so), she’s not listening to anyone but her the voices in her head (or weave). And they’re kind of weird.

Check out her latest masterpiece currently up on Britney Spears.com:

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Can anyone make sense of this mess? I cant, so I’m pretty sure the joke is on me. I’m voting for #2, even though I’m sure we all agree that Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like is quite possibly, like, the greatest, like, album name EVER, like.     

Charm School Extra Credit – Anatomy Lesson

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Hold onto your weaves, because this week’s Charm School extras provide a testosterone injection. The first is an extended cut of Saaphyri’s showdown with Seashell — after he makes his crack about large breasts leading to stretch marks, the stacked Saaphyri busts out, "If you have ding-a-lings that are too big, they don’t get hard all the way. So which category do you fit in?" Fascinating! In the second Becky talks about her trials and tribulations with men — apparently, her appearance on Flavor of Love did not attract the kind of men she’d want to date. Can you believe it!?!

Blog Best-Of: Will’s Willie

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Willsmith_links- Will Smith says the secret to his relationship with Jada Pinkett is "really, really good sex…I’m really good at it." The only thing he’s better at is lying. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Britney Spears flashes her panties to the world. It’s been so long! It’s like seeing an old, crusty friend that smells like poop. [The Superficial]

- Victoria Beckham‘s reality TV show forces her to get a life. Too bad it’s still boring. [CityRag]

- Who has nicer breasts than Beyoncé? Jay-Z does! Jay-Z does! [Just Jared]

- Shar Jackson denies the K-Fed baby rumor that circulated earlier today. Bad move, Shar: you just gave herself an attention abortion. [Dlisted]

[Image: Getty]

Akon Sings His Apology

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Akon22
Akon
has come forward to apologize for that whole underaged girl-humping fiasco – and a bunch of other things – in song. Seriously. The controversial crooner’s new jam leaked on Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show, and you can listen to it here.

There’s no mention of Akon’s stage throw victim, so keep your fingers crossed for a second sappy forgiveness-seeking ballad. And remember, the next time something goes incredibly wrong, put the blame on Akon. It’s what he wants.

Paris: Cosmetic Surgery Quickie

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Paris was only under house arrest for a few hours last Friday, but she managed to get in some quality time with – who else – a plastic surgeon. Dr. Steven Hoefflin serves the Hilton clan as a family doctor (ie: he advises them on their nose jobs) and was seen leaving Hilton’s manse in the early morning hours. Who knows what P was up too – Botox shots only take a couple minutes!

Meanwhile, View host Barbara Walters and her producer Bill Geddie threw down on the journalist’s Sirius radio show when asked by a listener if Paris would ever be considered as a co-host. After Geddie answered "No," Barbara shot him down with "Let me answer that: Yes." Meow! Go get him old tiger!

Barbara seemed less into the idea when asked about it later, but you never know! At least Hilton’s face will look hot. As for what she’d actually contribute? Well, she’s probably really good at talking about herself, so that’s a start.

Brit’s Battle: Over? Or Just Gettin’ Good?

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No one’s quite sure what’s goin’ on between Grandma Spears and her lil’ mama Brit.  Us Magazine’s most recent cover features an interview with Lynne about the pair’s attempt to mend their broken relationship. She dishes on her daughter’s mistakes, and gives the impression that the two are coming out of the darkness that is estrangement, buzz cuts and two day rehab stints. "Britney Jean Spears is the sweetest and the most sensitive and loving
of all my children," she tells the mag, "she’s just figuring
things out."

Find out who else Grandma Spears loves, after the jump!

Read more…

Slim, Shady and Obsessed With Mariah

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Mariahvsem On his next album, Eminem is said to be dusting off his favorite punching bag: Mariah Carey. The New York Daily News reports that a source close to Em has blabbed to OK! that “there is more than one track that goes into really specific, intimate detail about what went on between Em and Mariah.” Apparently, nothing notable has happened in Eminem’s life because he’s still talking about his supposed affair with Mariah, six years after he alleges it took place (Mariah has always denied any sort of romantic connection with the slim and shady one).

If this is true, Em’s seeming mighty desperate for material. Can’t he find someone else to supposedly have sex with and then rap about? Is Mariah’s sauce really that sweet or is he just wack?

After the jump, read a timeline of Em and Mariah’s epic feud…and you’ll see just how lame he is for still talking about this crap.

Read more…