I thought it only appropriate to write to you about my favorite moments from last night’s episode of The Office, seeing as uber-genius Michael Scott would do the same. Who ever said diaries were only for women?! That’s what she said. Wait, what? I’ve confused myself again.
1. Well, my post-it note scheme has been outed by my hero. Not only does it make me feel cool to be receiving pretend phone calls, but nothing cheers me up like a picture of a peanut dancing on a post-it note. It just really makes faking phone calls thank much easier!
2. Jan could get $4 million in her lawsuit?! That IS a lot of guacamole. I’d eat it.
John Mayer has discovered what the rest of the world has known for years: he is a douchebag. John recently took to the Internet to bone up on himself (a douchey thing to do in itself) and the results were of profound self-discovery: “I’m kind of a douchebag. I got a little sick of myself…I’m insufferable,” he reports.
Of course, admitting that you’re a douchebag is a wholly non-douchey thing to do: self-awareness and douchebaggery cannot exist side-by-side. And so, by admitting this, John Mayer is more or less no longer a douchebag. Curses! Foiled again. [TMZ.com]
Lauren Speaks : “The Hills Is Real”
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]
Britney’s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]
Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]
Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]
Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]
By now it’s clear that New York is the queen of VH1, but if you need more proof, look no further than the video below. It’s a clip of New York’s appearance on this week’s episode of Best Week Ever (which premieres Friday at 9/8c). New York’s segment, titled “Inside the Non-Actors Studio,” (non-actors because of the writers’ strike) features the reality diva riffing on defining moments of her I Love New York run. Leave it to New York to turn commentary on the writers strike into a discussion on toe-sucking!
- Watch a preview of the forthcoming The Beyoncé Experience DVD. And what kind of experience is it? Well, it’s like being really high while wearing a ton of fake hair. That is to say: magical. [CONCRETELOOP]
- Will Smith lands on the cover of Men’s Vogue with enough airbrushing to make him look like Beowulf. Beauty’s where you find it, indeed. [Sandra Rose]
- Amy Winehouse‘s beehive was searched when she went to visit her husband in jail. Little did the guards know that she was hiding a shiv in the space between her teeth. [Dlisted]
- Keyshia Cole reportedly refused to perform at a recent show because she was on the bill under Ne-Yo. Well, what’s the use of being a diva if you can’t act like one? [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Britney Spears‘ lip is really pink. No, not that one. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
We were excited to the discover the
invitation Save the Date to Nicole Richie‘s baby shower, taking place this Sunday at a Beverly Hills mansion. It’s funny how different it was from the invitation Nicole sent for her Memorial Day party just six short months ago! For one thing, her shower invite is a whole lot classier than that Blackberry-sent email, and her upcoming bash comes complete with celebrity hosts (ie: “loving friends”), a fancy celeb DJ, and delicious foods such as sushi and lobster. Long gone are the threats of a weigh-in at the entrance and partying until the pals wake up with their pants “ripped open at the seams.” Yup, getting knocked up can almost make a party girl forget her reckless past, which is why we like to remember it as much as we can. Shots for everyone (except the mom to be, obvs)!
No, that guy is not my grandfather. It’s the Scottish sultan of sex, Sean Connery. Young’ins might not be familiar with his fine acting resume, but he’s best known as the original James Bond and the dude who first said “You’re the man now, dog.” Also, he’s damn sexy at just about every age. Which explains why it’s totally plausible that Sean lost his virginity at the age of eight, which is alleged in the new book “Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?” Connery actually admits it, saying “I was 8, but I can’t recall with whom.” Spoken like a true aging pimp. You’re still the man, old dawg.
To give you a little perspective on what age group we’re talking about, we’ve outlined a few stars of Young Hollywood and matched them with older celebs who lost it at their age. Try not to gag. [Images: Getty/CBS]
Hey, it’s Dakota Fanning, 13 going on 14, and her lil sis Elle, age 9! Boning at Dakota’s age: Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis. Judging from the fact that these girls won’t be hot for another ten years, this feels fairly wrong.
Abigail Breslin, of Little Miss Sunshine fame, is so fresh-faced and adorable right? She’ll be 12 in April, which is when Don Johnson got his first taste of the lady snacks! The still-sexy Johnny Depp and Jon Bon Jovi went for it at 13.
It’s Will Smith‘s mini-me, son Jaden! The Pursuit of Happyness starling clocks in at 9 years, so he’s OLDER than Sean Connery was for his first time. Something is really starting to feel wrong about all this! Let’s see what 8-year olds we can dig up here…
But of course – little Jimmy from Kid Nation! The adorable munchkin stole our cold hearts on the premiere of that borderline abusive show, but our love was cut short when he wailed, bailed and went home. The reason – homesickness, cuz ya know, the kid’s 8-years old. Gross Connery. Real gross.
Are you stoked for this Sunday’s episode of The Shot? Last week’s marked a turning point for reality TV and the medium of television in general, as we were given a close-up of a camel peeing. Not since Mini-Me relieved himself on a wall during the fourth season of The Surreal Life have we felt so violated — but in a good way. And therein lies the core of the show, which pits 10 up-and-coming fashion photographers against each other for the chance to win $100,000, a spread in Marie Claire, and a Victoria’s Secret campaign — all the while being judged by a he-Tyra with an Australian accent, Russell James. Catch up on what you missed last week: Check the recap below.
Chris Crocker was right about leaving Britney alone. But it’s not because she’s a victim and needs some space; rather it’s because she’ll turn your feet into gravel with her car tires. Britney was out last night pulling into the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, when one photographer refused to heed the warnings of “Back off the drive! “As Brit rolled along, his foot managed to get wedged under her tire as he snapped pics and she drove right over that mess. You can tell in the vid that Britney is freaked out and can barely see, so it’s no wonder someone got hurt. The guy was later spotted showing off some sort of cast like contraption, but we can’t really feel that bad for him. Britney may be a bad driver (among other things), but this is one situation in which she’s actually not to blame. Now if she can only fix all that stuff with her
lips drugs kids – er, everything. [Popdirt]
Britney Saves the Children (But Not Her Own)
Britney’s Drugged Up and Dancing Badly
Britney Drives Like an Effing Idiot
It has come to our attention, via Google Inc., Yahoo! Inc. and the Microsoft Corp., that “VSPOT” has been the most searched word on the Internet for the last few days. In fact, people from nearly every corner of the world except China1 searched with such an insatiable appetite for VSPOT information that the Internet came to a crawl yesterday around 5PM EST. We apologize for the inconvenience. Allow us to explain. Read more…