The Weekly Wrap-Up: Akon Tosses, Vanessa Slices & Paris Cries

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Kim’s Lovely Lady Lumps

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Sweet, sweet Kim Kardashian.  She’s the best kind of Hollywood "It" Girl – famous for being friends with someone who’s famous for doing nothing.  But the Paris sidekick is quickly gaining a following of her own – for her massive assets. 

Here’s Kim showin’ it off at the gym, and here she is flaunting her goods after dinner at Koi. Keep it comin’, hon!  You’re putting the ho back in Hollywood one booty shake at a time.

Paris: The Worst Week Of Her Life

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 After being hauled to her court hearing today in handcuffs sobbing, the heiress of the hour has been ordered back to jail to serve the remainder of her sentence. She will be credited for 5 days served, so that means she’s got 18 to go. Only two and a half weeks, Paris! That’s way longer than  her last relationship. This should be easy!

Hilton apparently got hysterical in the court room, and left crying out to her mother. Yikes! Her day isn’t getting any better.

Join us after the jump as we break down the last 24 hours of Parispalooza 2007!

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Friday: Isaiah Gets The Boot; Lindsay’s Craving Ambien

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Paula
Abdul: Treated Like "Dog Sh*t"

Paula’s p*ssed that her people treat her like cr*p. Then she falls over. Her reality show is gonna be amazing! [NY Daily News]

Angry Isaiah Axed From Grey’s
After stirring up controversy with homophobic cracks, Dr. Preston Burke is banned from Seattle Grace Hospital. [People]

Brit Caught Kissing Counselor
The washed up pop star met with her rehab-assigned drug counselor and ended the night lockin’ lips with the guy. Whatever it takes to stay sober, right? [The Superficial]

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Lily Allen, Big Drinker

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Lilyallen5 Speaking to New York City weekly Time Out, British ragamuffin and sometime tour-canceller Lily Allen explained she has an addictive personality. She was a woman on the verge there for a while, but now she seems to have put things in perspective. Allen says she hasn’t touched any alcohol since January, and explained to the magazine that she knows the warning signs. "When you walk into your dressing room every night and there are 40 beers there, it’s difficult to not drink them all, you know? Like I said, I have a very addictive personality, and alcohol leads to other things. I don’t want to end up hanging over a toilet seat snorting coke when I’m 50." Lily’s smart. And if she’s interested in giving up music to go into counselling, we know a few people who could use her help.

The Week in Bono

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Bonobushsmall Bono‘s a busy man. After guest editing the new issue of Vanity Fair, Bono trekked off to the Northern African nation of Morocco to join his bandmates, as well as The Unforgettable Fire producer Brian Eno, for a songwriting session. Whether any album is forthcoming from the sessions remains to be seen: "We have no plans for the music yet," Bono reported on the band’s website.

Apparently no one’s more psyched than President George Bush, who after delivering a speech Thursday at the G-8 summit, allegedly shouted to an aid "Where’s Bono? Bono for President!" Bush then pulled out his copy of Zooropa, hoping for an autograph.

Oh No They Didn’t: Friday’s Reviews Rage

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Bijou Phillips
Lauren German in Hostel: Part II

Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you know when to blow your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: The disgustingly gory, classless and wide-angled critical whipping post Hostel: Part II.

"You live in a free country, you put up with crud like Hostel: Part II. It truly is crud, though. The film is the definition of torture porn." – The Chicago Tribune

"Compared to this Eli Roth fetish video, the Saw films are Oscar bait." – USA Today

"Hostel: Part II will . . . mount you with a rusty, barbed-wire strap-on, and to hell with the Astroglide." - The Austin Chronicle

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The Celebreality Interview – Kimberley Locke

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Kimberley Locke is a diva only by trade — there wasn’t a trace of attitude detectable throughout our 30-minute conversation. It was a pleasure to pick Kimberley’s brain about her weight-loss, her new album, Based on a True Story, and, of course, the heckling from Dustin she’s endured all season of Celebrity Fit Club: Men Vs. Women. Maybe even more revealing are Kimberley’s comments on her gay fans and how she reconciles supporting the gay community with her deep Christian faith. They really don’t often make ‘em like Kimberley, and that is a damn shame.

Start thinking thin after the jump…

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The Hollywood Bling Finger Watch

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Every day, some star pops up lugging around a ten carat diamond ring
on their left hand, and then spends the rest of the week having their
people deny that the ring is anything besides "just jewelry." But why
not just take the (pre-nupped) plunge and get engaged, you sweet, screwy
Tinseltown couples? We all know what’s comin’ your way eventually!

Below we break down the latest couples to make a blip on the ring radar this week and rate their chances of real engagement bling action.

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Couple:
Jay-Z & Beyonce
The rumor’s out the the most powerful
man in hip hop (and possibly the entire music world) popped the
question to his queen B on a "romantic getaway in Cannes." Sources say
that Hova has promised her "the biggest diamond she can fit on her
finger."
Blingability: 2 carats. This rumor’s been going around for
years. And besides, he’s JAY-Z, he would’ve shown up with a rock the
size of Pluto and done it right.

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Lindsay’s Mom Pays Her a Visit

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Dina
Good ol’ Dina Lohan. She’s on her way to see her detoxing daughter in rehabTWO WEEKS after Lindsay was admitted. Her visit will be the first by a family member, though Lilo’s beloved bodyguard has already stopped by.

Does this seem a little weird to anyone else? Her kid’s trying to kick a coke habit, but Dina’s too busy working out the deets of her new reality tv show to notice. Maybe that’s a little harsh, cuz she is making some huge sacrifices to see her first-born. Word is that Mama-Lo’s trip will force her to miss out on the "Paws for Style" charity event she was scheduled to attend in NYC next week. She chose her daughter over dogs. How noble! I see a "Mom of the Year" award in her future!