Paris Finds God, Contemplates Repenting

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Mother_parisParis Hilton called Barbara Walters (collect!) from jail Sunday and Babs gleefully shared their conversation on today’s episode of The View. The most startling revelation? Paris’ whopping nine days in the clink have provided enough time for her to find God. "My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen, and that is why I was sent to jail. God has released me," Paris said via Barbara. Apparently "DUI" stands for "divine uberbitch intervention." Paris has been reading the Bible and pseudo-spiritual texts like The Secret and The Power of Now. According to Barbara, "she did not complain, she did not whine," during their Sunday-afternoon chat, and she said that the guards are "fair" and her fellow inmates have been friendly.

But wait, there’s more!

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Tour Survival Guide: Hinder

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Now and then our Tour Survival Guide will check in with rockers about life on the road. Here’s Hinder’s Cody Hanson on what keeps them running: booze, porn stars and the fans.

Diet of Champions
We took most of the food off [our rider] because you can only get so much [alcohol], and if you have food on there, it’s taking up your alcohol money. Now we get a loaf of bread, and peanut butter and jelly. I’ve been on a cottage cheese kick lately. It’s amazing what you’ll eat at the end of the night when you’re all f*cked up.

They can Time Travel to 1986
Ron Jeremy
came to Oklahoma City and introduced us — we had two hometown shows back-to-back. One night was Ron Jeremy and the other night was Jesse Jane. So we had two different porn stars introduce us two different nights. That was the second time we’d met Ron Jeremy. He’d introduced us in L.A. We were doing an Eddie Money cover and we invited [Eddie Money] to come sing with us on stage. And Ron Jeremy called up the club and asked if he could introduce us — he’s a big fan. Then we all went out and got sh*t-faced at the Rainbow.

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Monday: Olsens Twins Tick Off Fashion World; No Sex For Justin Timberlake

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Ryan Rips Simon on Idol Ratings
Seacrest blames the cocky British judge for American Idol‘s recent ratings drop. We point the finger at Sanjaya. [MSNBC]

NBC: Desperate for Rosie Rebound
Network execs are scrambling to bring the uber-popular View host to their small screen. [Fox News]

Olsens P*ss Off Fashion World
Mary Kate and Ashley’s new upscale fashion line has designers worrying about a loss of customers. If it’s anything like J. Lo’s line, Madison Ave has nothing to fear.  [NY Times]

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Brooke Gets the Boot

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After the girls have their first-ever prom, Keith calls Brooke "a cat in heat on Viagra and Red Bull" and Mo’nique says she’s "the whore of Charm School." The judges have never uttered such mean words to any contestant — even though, as Keith notes, her actions would not have "hurt anyone but herself." Did Mo’ make the right decision to expel Brooke? Did she deserve to be treated so harshly? Weigh in now and check back soon for our official recap.

The Weekly Wrap-Up: Akon Tosses, Vanessa Slices & Paris Cries

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Kim’s Lovely Lady Lumps

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Sweet, sweet Kim Kardashian.  She’s the best kind of Hollywood "It" Girl – famous for being friends with someone who’s famous for doing nothing.  But the Paris sidekick is quickly gaining a following of her own – for her massive assets. 

Here’s Kim showin’ it off at the gym, and here she is flaunting her goods after dinner at Koi. Keep it comin’, hon!  You’re putting the ho back in Hollywood one booty shake at a time.

Paris: The Worst Week Of Her Life

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 After being hauled to her court hearing today in handcuffs sobbing, the heiress of the hour has been ordered back to jail to serve the remainder of her sentence. She will be credited for 5 days served, so that means she’s got 18 to go. Only two and a half weeks, Paris! That’s way longer than  her last relationship. This should be easy!

Hilton apparently got hysterical in the court room, and left crying out to her mother. Yikes! Her day isn’t getting any better.

Join us after the jump as we break down the last 24 hours of Parispalooza 2007!

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Friday: Isaiah Gets The Boot; Lindsay’s Craving Ambien

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Paula
Abdul: Treated Like "Dog Sh*t"

Paula’s p*ssed that her people treat her like cr*p. Then she falls over. Her reality show is gonna be amazing! [NY Daily News]

Angry Isaiah Axed From Grey’s
After stirring up controversy with homophobic cracks, Dr. Preston Burke is banned from Seattle Grace Hospital. [People]

Brit Caught Kissing Counselor
The washed up pop star met with her rehab-assigned drug counselor and ended the night lockin’ lips with the guy. Whatever it takes to stay sober, right? [The Superficial]

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Lily Allen, Big Drinker

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Lilyallen5 Speaking to New York City weekly Time Out, British ragamuffin and sometime tour-canceller Lily Allen explained she has an addictive personality. She was a woman on the verge there for a while, but now she seems to have put things in perspective. Allen says she hasn’t touched any alcohol since January, and explained to the magazine that she knows the warning signs. "When you walk into your dressing room every night and there are 40 beers there, it’s difficult to not drink them all, you know? Like I said, I have a very addictive personality, and alcohol leads to other things. I don’t want to end up hanging over a toilet seat snorting coke when I’m 50." Lily’s smart. And if she’s interested in giving up music to go into counselling, we know a few people who could use her help.

The Week in Bono

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Bonobushsmall Bono‘s a busy man. After guest editing the new issue of Vanity Fair, Bono trekked off to the Northern African nation of Morocco to join his bandmates, as well as The Unforgettable Fire producer Brian Eno, for a songwriting session. Whether any album is forthcoming from the sessions remains to be seen: "We have no plans for the music yet," Bono reported on the band’s website.

Apparently no one’s more psyched than President George Bush, who after delivering a speech Thursday at the G-8 summit, allegedly shouted to an aid "Where’s Bono? Bono for President!" Bush then pulled out his copy of Zooropa, hoping for an autograph.