Lindsay: From Sad to Worse

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Linds_rehabIf child stars are time bombs that the world gets to watch tick, Lindsay Lohan is napalm. I’m, of course, referring to Lindsay’s DUI citation that was issued Saturday morning, which came after she put the lives of others’ at risk and crashed into an innocent tree. That tree did nothing, nothing, to deserve such treatment!

Splash News has video of the events leading up to and following the crash. Lest you be jealous of the Hollywood lifestyle, apparently it involves lots of…driving around, walking in and out of buildings and acting frantic. How sophisticated!

But that was only the start of the wild ride that was Lindsay’s Memorial Day weekend…

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Hottie of the Week: Captivating Kiera

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Few women walk the plank as provocatively as Kiera Knightley. Friday’s arrival of the latest Pirates of the Caribbean flick put the actress in our minds again – some of those costumes bring out a certain erotic flavor. It’s said that Kiera’s also being pitched a role as Princess Diana herself. We always knew some royals were lookers. Here’s a glimpse at Knightley’s many styles. 

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Photos: Kiera Knightley

Tuesday: MTV Preps for Diaz, Biel Catfight

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MTV Preps for Diaz, Biel Catfight
Cam blew up on Timberlake after she spied him flirting with his now-girlfriend Biel at the Golden Globes. Now, MTV is trying to avert a throwdown at its Movie Awards. [NY Post]

Mischa Barton Rushed to Hospital
The star suffered a bad reaction to her medication after drinking at a Memorial Day party — nothing some fresh and pure Orange County air can’t cure. [Yahoo!]

Are Jessica and John Addicted to Make-Up Sex?
Exclusive pics show the two fighting during a Mexican getaway and then Simpson weeping alone in her bathroom towel. Does this spell the end of Johnica? Or are the two just addicted to make-up sex? [FlynetOnline.com]

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Linkin Park Destroys Norah Jones

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Linkin Park are no strangers to selling a butt-load of albums. But they recently changed their sound (goodbye rap-rock, hello passion ballads) and some pundits wondered what the future would hold. Well, the future is now and the arrival of Minutes To Midnight brought some clarity to the question. The group had the biggest first week sales of 2007 (625,000 — Norah Jones had previously held the record at 418,000). We caught up with guitarist Brad Delson on the day he found out his band rocked the charts.

"My manager emailed me and it just didn’t seem possible. I’ve accepted that it’s true, but I’m still shocked and humbled. I’m ecstatic about the fact that this amount of people are going to hear it." In addition to the band’s monster sales, Delson also let us in on some surprises to expect from the Linkin Park curated Projekt Revolution tour

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Manson Hearts Justin (A Lot)

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Marilyn Manson is channeling his inner teenage girl. After covering pop pin-up Justin Timberlake during a live BBC performance last week, Manson told the venerable radio station that he has "a fascination with Justin Timberlake," and that he carries a picture of the pop star with him wherever he goes. This information goes far in explaining what he and 19-year-old girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood could possibly have to talk about.

And when he’s not canoodling with gorgeous movie stars or being toted around in creepy rock stars’ wallets? J-Timber’s starting his own record label, to be be distributed through Interscope Records. The label, named Tennman (an abbreviation of Tennessee Man, which he is) expects to announce new signings in the upcoming weeks.

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Friday: Linds Takes Up Stripping & Britney Has Bathroom Romance

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Video: Lindsay Lohan Strips for New Flick
Egotastic airs an "almost naked [Lindsay] with a stripper pole between her breasts." After watching the footage, we now know why she topped Maxim’s Hot 100. [Egotastic!]

Brit & Ryan: Men’s Room Make-Out Session
Bodyguards supposedly "busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing" in a bathroom stall. Smooching amidst a fragrance stench of au toillette? How romantic. [Superficial]

Source: Timberlake Is ‘In Love’ With Jessica Biel
"He’s ready to be serious," says a source. Is she ready to be Ms. Sexyback? [Superficial]

Rosie’s Writer Defaces Hasselbeck Pic
It’s alleged that Rosie’s minion was escorted from the building after drawing moustaches on photos of Elisabeth Hasselbeck. This came after O’Donnell called her View cohost "cowardly." What’s next? A mud wrestling match? [NY Post]

Is Jessica Simpson Obsessed With DiCaprio?
She supposedly followed Leonardo around like "a lost puppy." Did he throw her a bone? [NY Post]

[Photo: Egotastic]

Pundit: Jordin Was Too Fat to Win

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Should 17-year-old Jordin Sparks have been barred from winning American Idol because of her weight? That seems to be the going concern of MeMe Roth, a very skinny, very blond pundit from an organization called National Action Against Obesity. Speaking on Fox News, MeMe called Jordin obese. Proving that Debbie Downer isn’t the only one lacking perspective, she also said, "When I look at Jordin what I see is diabetes, I see heart disease, I see high cholesterol." This makes us detest MeMe. What do you think?

Oh No They Didn’t: Friday’s Review Rage

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Pirates Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: The lugubriously briny Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.

"Ahoy Vey! After three hours adrift, you’ll beg for the plank." — The New York Post

"Pirates raises everything from the dead, except inspiration." — Rolling Stone

"Overloaded with extraneous characters and weighed down by muddled seafaring mythology." — USA Today

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Blog Best-Of: Heidi’s Heaving Bosoms

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Heidi_links- Heidi Klum reveals that she named her breasts "Hans" and "Franz." Cute, but "Cash" and "Cow," would have been more appropriate. [Hollywood Rag]

- Britney Spears flashes a peace sign to the parazzi as she holds son Sean Preston. Hey, those fingers look sharp! They could go into his little eyes! Citizen’s arrest! [CityRag]

- Mary-Kate Olsen joins the cast of Weeds. Dudette, we get it: you’re bohemian. Go drink some patchouli or something. [Best Week Ever]

- Matthew McConaughey makes out with Alexi Gilmore on a beach. Why pack a lunch when you can have a tongue sandwich for free? [A Socialite's Life]

- Charm School‘s Mo’Nique is hosting this year’s BET Awards. Awww…does that mean that there will be reduced clownery this year? [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Dina Lohan denies ever calling herself "the white Oprah." White liar! [Dlisted]

[Image credit: Getty]

Heart: Tattletale Groupies Are A Bummer

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Our ramp-up to Rock Honors (tonight at 9/8c) always includes revealing chats with the music’s stars. Road Tales focuses on some the antics that go down when artists are on tour.

Certain assumptions are made when one decides to get intimate with a new "pal" after a gig. Ann Wilson explains how one night many years ago, those assumptions made an ass out of…well, you know.