Friday’s Reviews Rage: Good Luck Chuck

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good-luck-chuck-jessica.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Good Luck Chuck isn’t funny, entertaining, credible or witty. The film stars Dane Cook as a dentist whose love-life has been cursed. Jessica Alba is his crush. His best friend is Dan Fogler. And together the three of them are about as funny as a fart joke. A not-funny fart joke. The kind of fart joke that reads like a form from the IRS. A fart joke that could make you declare bankruptcy! Laughing yet?

“I’ve occasionally heard Dane Cook, one of the stars of Good Luck Chuck, described as a comedian. I find this confusing, since my understanding is that comedians are people who say and do things that are funny. Perhaps Mr. Cook is some new kind of conceptual satirist whose shtick is to behave in the manner of a person attempting to be funny without actually being, you know, funny. Or maybe he answered an ad in the back of a magazine and sent away for a mail-order license to practice comedy. Whether Jessica Alba, his co-star, acquired her acting credentials by similar means is an issue that will be addressed if she ever tries to act.” – The New York Times

“With any luck, you won’t upchuck.” – The New York Post
Read more…

Kim Kardashian Dates Her Way to the Top

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kimterrence0921.jpgThere she goes, getting more and more famous for doing nothing. That’s our girl! Kim Kardashian went from getting peed on by Brandy’s brother in an “adult” cinematic experience, to scoring a reality show, a Playboy spread, and now a real live Oscar-nominee. Kim has been spotted getting her groove on with Terrence Howard, who is currently separated from his wife. A spy revealed that the two made out at a couple of NYC clubs, saying “They were all over each other. She was sitting on his lap and he was rubbing her butt.”

Of course he was! Terrence is smart enough to know that if he rubs her butt long enough, a genie will pop out and grant him three wishes. But as a newly single dude getting it on with a hot piece of ass, hasn’t one wish already come true? [NY Post. Image: Getty]

You think we’d let you go without glancing that booty?

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Lindsay Lohan: Actress. Addict. Homewrecker?

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lindsay_lohanRemember those rehab rumors about a rehabbing Lindsay Lohan getting busy in a rehab restroom? There might be more truth to them than previously thought. A few weeks back Dead Stays Alive rocker Tony Allen and La Lohan were accused of getting it on while both were getting treatment at the Cirque Lodge in Utah. Both vehemently denied such claims, but now Allen’s wife, McDonald’s container heiress Stephanie, has thrown him out of the house. Just last week Lindsay’s rumored paramour was attempting to disabuse folks of his relationship with the 21-year-old starlet, stating that they’re “great friends. We share a common affliction, and we just talk about life.” He then went on to say that his band is Lindsay’s new fav. His denial runs counter to reports that 40-year-old Allen was heard bragging about bedding Lohan: “C’mon, it’s Lindsay Lohan. Hell, yes!” Class-act Allen was overheard making these claims in a pub. Sounds like the rehab didn’t really take.

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Patti LaBelle Goes Nuts in Concert

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The Lady Marmalade singer may not grace the blogosphere often, but when she does, she delivers! Mariah, Christina and Beyonce could learn a little something from Ms. LaBelle’s take no prisoners – or, no audience members – attitude. Check out this video of the singer ripping into a fan during her concert – after she invites him on-stage for a song. The clip ends with an apology (and a hug) from Patti – but not before things get really awkward. [via IDLYITW]

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Let’s Talk About Salt-N-Pepa (The Celebreality Interview, Part 1)

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sal_n_pepa_show_promo.jpg

“It was all a dream! I used to read Word Up! magazine! Salt-N-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine,” go the immortal first lines of the Notorious B.I.G.’s “Juicy.” But if you’re old enough to remember Word Up! in its heyday, you don’t need Biggie’s words to remind you that the image of Salt-N-Pepa alone could represent an entire genre of music. And if you don’t know, now you now: Salt-N-Pepa are living icons. The duo’s spicy brand of sass helped bring hip-hop to the mainstream in the ’80s, and their sense of humor, tangling flows, brazen independence and unmistakable consciousness kept it there into the ’90s. They persevered in a genre that was and is disproportionately male-dominated, not despite their femininity but because of it. They weren’t just the first female rappers to show the world that women could be a force in hip-hop, they were the best.

I got to spend some time with Cheryl “Salt” James Wray and Sandy “Pepa” Denton at Salt’s house on New York’s Long Island last week, as they shot promos for their upcoming reality show, The Salt-N-Pepa Show, which premieres Oct. 15 on VH1. While Cheryl’s house teamed with family members laughing, talking and eating, Salt-N-Pepa did their thing as veterans whose years in the entertainment industry date back over 20 years. They are nothing if not seasoned.

If you saw the preview for The Salt-N-Pepa Show that we posted a few weeks ago, you know that the fact they’re in the same room together (and often these days!) is a big deal. After years of estrangement and changing attitudes (for one thing, Cheryl intensified her spirituality), they’ve finally reunited. For me, it was an even bigger deal: I grew up loving these women and getting the chance to talk to them was an unbelievable opportunity. It was all a dream, indeed. Toward the end of their busy day, Cheryl, Sandy and I gathered around Cheryl’s dining room table to talk about their show, their music, hip-hop and so much more. Part 1 of our exclusive interview with Salt-N-Pepa starts after the jump…

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Friday: Britney Pops a Pacifier in her Mouth

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britney0921.jpgSnoop Dogg Pleads Guilty in Court
This time murder’s not the case they gave him. Instead, the rapper plead guilty to boarding a plane with a baton. [People]

Pics: Britney Plays with Baby Toys
There are train wrecks, and then there’s Britney. The only way she could look more pathetic while sucking her kid’s pacifier is if she had on a dunce cap and was standing in the corner. Seriously, someone help her. [Just Jared]

Paris’ Fake Generosity
The heiress is going to give away her clothes to children’s hospitals because she “never wears something twice.” Interestingly, she’s never worn underwear once. Maybe she should make herself a donation at Victoria’s Secret instead. [Mollygood]

J Lo: Feuding with her Mom
Weird – Jennifer Lopez’s mom bitterly admitted that she and her once-close daughter do not talk or see each other any more. Was Gigli really that bad? [NY Daily News]

Sad Brad Pitt Cheered Up by Kids
We get it. You love your kids. They love you. Who knew boning Angelina would come with such rewarding baggage? [People]

Is Diddy Knockin’ Boots with Cassie?

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diddycassie.jpgThis seems like a stupid question. Of course Diddy is getting it on with Cassie. Diddy bones EVERYONE, right? Sienna Miller, Penelope Cruz, Barbara Walters – okay I don’t have proof that he’s given them that sweet Puffy love, but let’s just assume it’s happened. I’ve never met the guy, but – you know. It was magic.

Diddy and Cassie have been spotted together clubbing around NYC, hitting up Marquee last Friday and Tuesday’s GQ party, and their recent “friendship” has everyone whispering. Eh, they’re probably just talking about they wish they were on Diddy’s arm (and in his bed). And they will be – soon. It’s just the way the world works. While you’re here, check out snaps out Diddy’s prized pulls below. [OK! Image: Getty]

Cassie

Sienna Miller

Penelope Cruz

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Kim Kardashian Strips For Playboy

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Kim Kardashian Strips For Playboy
Gentlemen (and some ladies), rejoice: Kim Kardashian is on the cover of the December issue of Playboy magazine. Us Weekly exclusively learned that the World Famous Nobody is taking the Paris Hilton route to fame, first with her sex tape, and now shooting a twelve-page pictorial and exposing a little more than she’d previously planned. Kim “The Booty” Kardashian “will show one boob, and her bare butt” said a source. With an on-sale date in late November, it looks like Christmas will come early this year.

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Amy Winehouse Pulls a Britney

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Uh oh. It looks like recent history has repeated itself over in the land of pints and beans n’ toast. Miss Amy Winehouse – who always seems to have accolades heaped upon her regardless of her latest cracked out drama – performed at the MOBO Awards in London last night, and damn, was she out of it. Sporting a cute minidress as opposed to a black sequin bikini, Amy fidgeted, wobbled, stared at the ground and scowled as she mumbled her way through two songs. She leaned on the microphone stand as it it were a cane and definitely spaced out on some lyrics. At least she wasn’t lip-syncing, but come to think of it, it probably would have made the performance a little better. Apparently before the show, Amy was “screaming and chucking anything she could get her hands on at the people around her.” Wow. Follow that up with panty-less flash and she’s the British Britney – but with better(?) hair. [DListed]

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