Blog Best-Of: Jessica’s Jolt

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jessicasimp_links3.jpg- When Jessica Simpson found out John Mayer and Cameron Diaz are dating, she reportedly “had her mouth open a mile wide.” Unfortunately, John did not accept the invitation. [Dlisted]

- Terrence Howard says that when he can “discipline” himself in the area of sex, he’ll become a Jehovah’s Witness. Jehovah is such a killjoy. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- The woman Remy Ma shot speaks out: “It’s really hard. It really hurts.” Is she talking about her injury or Remy’s hairdo? [CONCRETELOOP]

- Lauren Conrad is photographed in a bikini. This is her way of reiterating that she’s younger, thinner and has more free time than you, just in case you missed The Hills this week. [The Blemish]

- James Blunt hooks up with yet another model. “You’re beautiful,” isn’t a line; it’s a way of life. [Celebslam]

[Image credit: Getty]

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Foxy and Her Weave Come Undone in Jail

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Get yo weave on!It sounds like Foxy’s kinda losing it in prison, and it’s not just because she misses all of her Louis Vuitton bags. Her fellow inmates have been instructed not to look at or speak to the hip hop diva, who apparently is desperate for some human contact. “She’s [alone] all day, every day,” a former inmate said “They’re just keeping her away from everybody.”

Foxy has to take her rec time and meals alone for “security reasons” – to protect her fellow inmates from her Blackberry-throwing ways, probably. Brown has also thrown fits about getting potato chips and washes down meals of ramen noodles with orange soda. Ex-inmates also report that her weave is a total mess, with one saying, “Her hair looks like whoever did it ran. That’s how much the weave is coming apart.” Just like her life. [NYP. Image: Getty]

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“Umbrella” Could Have Been Brit’s Song

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britney083007.jpgList of Things I Regret
By Britney Jean Spears

  1. K-Fed
  2. Sean Preston
  3. That other baby I have
  4. Not wearing pants yesterday
  5. Passing on “Umbrella,” which could have been my ticket to Comeback City ya’ll!

Britney Spears is dumb enough to eat Cheetos for every meal, but is she really that stupid to not snatch the song “Umbrella” when it was offered to her? Apparently. Producer Tricky was holding the song for Brit but her people never called him back about it. Flash forward a few months, and well, you know the outcome – Rihanna is our queen and Britney the court jester. [Popcrunch. Image: Getty]

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Lindsay: Doped Up & Doing Dudes in Rehab

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lindsay083007.jpgWe like our Lindsay Lohan one way and one way ONLY. Crazy, cracked out, and knockin’ boots. Thankfully we’ve learned that even rehab cannot change her – no matter how many times she tries! The latest dirty news to come out of Utah this week is that LiLo was forced to take a drug test which came back positive. A rehab spy said, “Lindsay got called into the director’s office on August 15 and was questioned about drugs. When ordered to take a drug test, she reluctantly complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out the room. She was told that if she couldn’t conform to the programme she’d have to leave.”

Of course she allegedly failed the test. What’s even juicier is that she also apparently got caught getting her bone on in the bathroom with a fellow patient. I want to believe these rumors, but I feel like even Lindsay is above bathroom sex. That’s so Britney. Lindsay would at least steal away to one of the massage rooms or something. Girl’s got a little class. Just a little. [Mollygood. Image: Getty]

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Rock of Love: Your Weekly Forecast (Episode 8)

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Think you know what Bret Michaels wants and needs? Let us know which girl the Poison frontman will cut from the house next and which girls he’ll ask to stay. Watch this week’s Sneak Peek, then make your picks. (Click thumbnails to view full size)

Which of the five remaining girls has the best chemistry with Bret?

Mia got the boot last week. Did you forecast her dismissal?

Which fallen girl would you like to see Bret invite back into the house?

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Eve Is Not Amused

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eve_monitor.jpgPoor Eve! Not only did she have to withstand public scrutiny following her DUI arrest in April (she calls the ordeal “disgusting”), but she also has to put up with an alcohol monitor around her ankle that she envisioned being the size of a beeper, but is more akin to Bose headphones. According to her, “It’s the most annoying thing.” Awwww! Too bad she didn’t get thrown in jail, because that would have been so much more pleasant. The legal system is just so hard on celebs!

Eve gets to remove her Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor in about a week (she wore it as part of her plea deal), but she had it around long enough to teach her something:

I definitely learned my lesson. It was a stupid situation, stupid decision. I did something dumb and now I’m paying for it…Don’t drink and drive kids.

At least she got to complain about it. That’s a sort of retribution, right? [People / Image credit: Getty]

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This is Who Rihanna is Dating?

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shiarihanna.jpgRihanna and the dorky kid from Transformers, Shia LeBeouf, are apparently a couple. Supposedly everyone on the set of Shia’s latest flick, Indiana Jones 4, is buzzing about it, and the couple was recently spotted dining together at a Beverly Hills restaurant. Now we could easily go off on the sexy singer and say something like “Rihanna, what the hell are you thinking? I mean, we’re sure the guy is nice and stuff but he kind of looks like an adorable hedgehog, and you are a goddess of angelic proportions. You were (maybe) getting it on with Jay-Z, the hunky king of hip hop! Isn’t this kind of a step down? Also his last name means ‘beef’ in French. Shia The Beef, Rihanna. Think about THAT.”

But we won’t.
Instead enjoy these pics of Rihanna looking all glam with her broken foot last night in Hollywood. [WWTDD. Images: Getty]

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Coogan Crosses Self Out

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coogan_crossed.gif

Steve Coogan, best known for being the dude who supplied the drugs to fuel Owen Wilson‘s suicide attempt, has denied those allegations. To be fair, they arrived practically denying themselves as they’re courtesy of the ever-reliable Courtney Love. Nonetheless, you might want to rethink that, Steve, as this effectively removes you from pop culture radar. Now you’re known as the dude who didn’t supply drugs to fuel Owen Wilson‘s suicide attempt, like billions of other people. You might as well be Steve Seagal for all of your cultural relevance.

Regardless, Steve has issued a statement to Access Hollywood:

My thoughts are with my friend Owen at this difficult time, but I do want to set the record straight and say that the allegations published today are completely and utterly false.

Nice knowing you, man. [Access Hollywood / Image credit: Getty]

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Mayer Minds the Gap

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GapAs if John Mayer didn’t have enough to be ashamed about lately, he’s now contending with the absolute wallpapering of New York City with his Gap ad campaign. The pin-up is one of the stars of the Gap’s Classics Redefined campaign, and appears in all his tossle-haired glory around the streets of Manhattan. The singer is so ubiquitous in fact, that he’s posted a virtual apology on his blog, following the format of an awkward conversation, which he might have some experience with:

That’s a lot of GAP ads, is all I’m saying. I mean, I hope… Yah. Are we, you kno – yah. We cool? Cause I would nev- good. good. Sorry. Okay, I’m gon-yah, I’m gonna go. NO, I just.. I hav- bye.

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Rock on TV – The Shortlist

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ash.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place. Check out our shortlist. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV.

Awesome; I F**ckin’ Shot That!, 12:05 p.m. (EST), SHO2: Possibly the only official bootleg film in existence, this is what happens when one of the most innovative groups in rap give out 50 cameras during a stop on their 2004 tour at Madison Square Garden: fan-helmed madness ensues. The results range from passable concert video experience to motion-sickness inducing shakiness, but the sheer number of angles editor Adam Yauch
had to contend with rivalled the samples on Paul’s Boutique. Cameos from Money Mark, Dougie Fresh, Ben Stiller and David Cross pepper the film.

Undiscovered, 9:45 p.m.(EST), TMC: Let’s hope Pete Wentz doesn’t have basic cable. The younger Simpson sister stars in this utterly ground-breaking tale of struggling artists trying to make it on the streets of L.A., one of whom is Ash (she wears a little beret, that’s how you can tell she’s got it tough). There’s no drummer to blame this clunker of a performance on, Ash. Worth a viewing if only to get the taste of Glitter out of your mouth.