This is the story of, Whitestarr, a band given the heady charge of resurrecting rock n’ roll. In addition to the obstacles an up-and-coming band might face, the task proves even more difficult, given that rock hasn’t necessarily died. Our scene is set in picturesque Malibu, California, where the band, who put out a record on Atlantic three years ago, have been honing their craft, living the privileged life of rock stars, without the whole being rock stars part.
Who put the idea in celebrities’ heads that we want junky products with their names and faces all over the packaging? I can’t think of anything I need less than his and her fragrances from a smelly soccer player and his bone n’ boob wife (okay – and a few things that involve medical attention). But the couple’s perfumes are on the way to the States, and “industry analysts” estimate that the ‘Intimately Beckham’ fragances (you probably just puked a little when you heard that name) and David’s other cologne, ‘Instinct by David Beckham,’ will generate $100 million in worldwide sales in this year alone. You just puked again, huh. Me too. Maybe perfume is just the start for Posh n’ Becks! Here are some other products the couple could hawk that America probably wouldn’t mine splurging on:
- Discreetly Beckham: His and Her Bikini Line Wax
- Harmoniously Beckham: His and Her New Age Relaxation CDs
- Deceitfully Beckham: His and Her Private Cell Phones and Secret Email Addresses for Stress Free Adultery [E Online. Image: Getty]
Hot Shots: Cool Pics From Celebville
Operating under the somewhat logical premise that “funk will get you laid,” Seth Rogan‘s story for the upcoming Superbad is teeming with some deep-ass grooves. Funk kingpins Bootsy Collins and Clyde Stubblefield connect with some of their old pals from James Brown‘s band to create the movie’s dirty-minded mood. Here’s a glimpse at what went down the in studio. Jump back and kiss your bad self if you start to feel it. You going to see this movie?
Just when you’d totally forgotten about that wacko paternity case that Chris Rock found himself embroiled in earlier this year, the DNA test results are in! And Chris is cleared! He and his wife, Malaak, have released a statement on the matter:
“Last week it was concluded through DNA testing that Chris is not the father of [Kali] Bowyer’s son. We have spent a tremendous sum to litigate this case and are asking our attorney to pursue all legal remedies against her. Additionally, we would like for any monies Ms. Bowyer has taken from the tabloid media based on this false story to be donated to Bulloch County, GA charities for the benefit of disadvantaged boys and girls.“
Yeah, that’ll happen the minute they can wrestle Kali away from the diaper aisle, where she’s hobbing with that astronaut lady. But for real: congrats, Chris! May your sperm, or lack thereof, continue to smile good fortune upon you. [TMZ.com]
The official ad for Mariah Carey‘s M fragrance has hit the Net…
…and it’s sort of sad that she would have been better off going with the fake one. Note to Mariah: next time, take your cues from Schatar. Seriously — what is she supposed to be in that ad? A rock formation?
The worst thing about the ad is that it’s so eager to convince you that Mariah is younger than she is, and yet it can’t even decide on a fake age. The ad suggests that Mariah is simultaneously:
- 27 - The in-the-water motif is sooooo “My All” video, which came out about 10 years ago. It’s as though Mariah never left the water! Swimmer’s ear is so sexy and fragrant.
- 12 - No wrinkles? Ridiculously smooth skin? Summer-camp slick hairdo? Check, check, check. She’ll always be our eternally pubescent baby.
- 6 months – Her butt is smooth as a baby’s. Even worse: that Photoshop-enhanced forehead is, in a word, fetal. Are they trying to tell us that M smells like babies? I repeat: sexy and fragrant. [Mariah Daily Journal]
MTV’s uber-popular show returns for a third season next week, and the trash talking and cat fighting leading up to it is out of control! After Lauren spoke out about her former BFF in Us Weekly, Spencer and Heidi have been throwing it right back wherever and whenever they can. Spencer recently ranted about Lauren on his personal message board, calling her “the famous Boyfriend stealer,” among other way worse – and hilarious – things. Just yesterday the couple continued their verbal beat-down during a radio interview (Listen HERE), in which Heidi nails Lauren as a “lowlife” while Spencer laughs at her fashion line endeavors. Like, meow. Lauren needs to take off her headband, pop her claws out and fight back! Or get on her message board and realllllly let it rip.
It was only a matter of time before the BFF’s illegal hijinks got turned into a porno flick, and no, we’re not talking about One Night in Paris. Esteemed thespians Sindee Jennings and Aubrey Addams (there’s something SO sexy about how those names are misspelled!) will star in Paris and Nicole Go to Jail, which follows the two locked-up LA brats as they discover “that life is different on the inside, and at first have trouble adapting, but soon learn how to get things in prison by becoming friendly with the warden, the guards, the inmates.”
“Friendly.” We get it. Sounds sextastic! May we suggest a claustrauphobia-fueled Paris panic attack that can only be cured by a threesome? We’re sure those crusty old dudes who nominate films for the Academy Awards will love the raw honesty of such a scene. We smell a winner – or maybe it’s just all that baby oil. [TMZ. All Images: Getty]
Find out what Paris and Nicole have really been up to this summer by clicking the pics below.
Are there second acts in American life? Check our celebreality world, and you’ll find the answer’s yes. Rejuvenation is the idea behind Mission: Man Band, where four former boy band singers connect to see if they can reclaim the spotlight. It debuted last night. And it made some of us misty-eyed. Really.
Mission: Man Band isn’t your usual Celebreality freakshow. Instead it’s the story of four guys who went from almost instantaneous mega-popularity to pop-culture footnotes, world-beaters to underdogs. The show finds them trying to restart their careers in spite of overwhelming odds. They’re not obnoxious. They’re not prone to nudity. They are struggling. You should get to know them.
Ashlee and Pete Snag Sexy Swag
The couple walked out of the Lollapalooza gift suite with pockets full of goodies, but refused to take photos with any of the items, in particular the KY Intimacy kit. Get kinky for the camera, guys! [NY Daily News]
Pics: Brit’s Latest Car Accident Drama
Brit caused slight damage to another car in a parking lot fender bender. But what’s more troubling about the sitch is her child-like sad face and the stains on the back of her dress. Maybe Sean should drive? [X17]
Lohan Parents’ Divorce Showdown
These two can’t stop creating drama and just won’t shut up about the other – today dad Michael’s complaining about Dina’s new boyfriend. Could Lindsay be more mature than her parents? [NY Post]
Here’s what Scott’s face looks like when he’s confronted with kids:
Stone. Cold. Fear.