Rock Band Band (Part II): Irrational Hatred of Canada, Tearing Down the Berlin Wall and the Sweet Sweet Love of Nikola Tesla



Rock Band Band is the greatest band ever to grace the semi-fictional stage. Their performances are legendary. Their attitude influenced generations. And their grooming habits left a lot to be desired. Before their reunion tour, we caught up with them to discover what, exactly, they need to function when they’re on the road.

VH1: What’s your least favorite part of touring?
Rock Band Band:
It’s always hard to understand people when they’re not speaking English. People in other cites, like Europe and Asia, they speak weird. And we can’t understand them, except when they get it right and say things like “television” or “popcorn.” It’s really hard for us.

VH1: Do you have a least favorite city? Most favorite city?
We hate all of Canada because they embarrassed us when they banned us from their country. Canada is the worst city in the entire world. We love NYC, the giant fruity apple, because it’s home, and everyone there knows our names and they treat us like the rock royalty that we are.

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The Office: “Oh D” Is Our New Motto



Dear Employees,

This week, the gang at Dunder Mifflin attempts to create a commercial that is like “MTV on crack.” Did they succeed? Did Andy ever touch lips with Angela? Is Jim’s Second Life character hotter than the real-life version? Here is what we learned this week – review this information promptly as I outline new company rules below inspired by last night’s episode.


Your Creative Boss

1. Listen to Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is awesome. Also, there is no flying allowed in the office.

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30 Rock: Best Lines of the Night



Carrie Fisher shows up as Rosemary, Liz’s old-school comedy idol. Paul Scheer shows up as Kenneth’s boss, NBC’s evil Head Page. Tracy tries to resolve some father issues by working with Jack and a therapist. Liz wins $10 thousand dollars in the company’s “Followship” program. Jenna, back to her original weight, accidently burns Kenneth‘s page jacket. It was a thick web of action last night. What was your favorite moment?

Jenna: If I can’t be Monique fat I have to be Terri Hatcher thin – either way you’re laughing.

: What are you going to do with the money, Lemon, put in a 401 K?
Liz: Yeah…I gotta get one of those.
Jack: What, where do you invest your money, Liz?
Liz: I’ve got like 12 grand in checking.
Jack: Are you, like, an immigrant?

Liz: I grew up wanting to be you.
Rosemary: I grew up wanting to be Samantha Stephens on Bewitched. The closest I got was being married to a gay guy for two years.
Liz: You are my heroine, and by heroine I mean lady hero; I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.

Tracy: Hey Jack, if you “desecrate” something, is that bad?
Jack: Tracy, what happened now?
Tracy: I doubt if anybody noticed (cut to Tracy singing the National Anthem at a stadium ball game) ‘Who brought broads and bright stars/to the party last night/For the rascals we fought…’ (cut back) Who would have known that there was so many words – [that song] is like a Mos Def CD!

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Friday: Owen Wilson Opens Up


owen-wilson-102607.jpgParis Hilton Bails on Charity Trip
Big surprise – Paris would rather go shopping than go to Rwanda. The entire African continent is breathing one giant sigh of relief. [People]

Nicole Richie Bashes Hilary Duff
Even moms-to-be like to be catty – the bigger the belly, the bigger the b*tch. [DListed]

Owen Wilson Finally Speaks
The troubled actor is interviewed by director pal Wes Anderson in a chat to be published tonight on Myspace. Yay? [Us]

Brit’s Hit-and-Run Charges Disappear
She’s gonna wash shave those charges right out of her hair! Too bad she’s still in trouble for that whole driving without a license stupidity. [NYDN]

Lindsay Loves Hotel Living
LiLo holes up in a new hotel – because houses are so 2006. Pssst, Linds – so are leggings! [NYP]

I Love New York Forecast: Who Should Be the Next to Go?


I Love New York 2 is heating up! Think you know what New York wants and needs? Tell us which guys are safe, and who will be dismissed next episode. Comment now!

Still pimpin’

Cheezy and Man Man got the boot last episode. Did you forecast their falls?

Fallen, but not forgotten

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On the Seventh Day, Jack Bauer Could Not Rest


Bless the fine culture purveyors over at Not only did they steer us to the leaked version of the shooting script for Paul Thomas Anderson‘s latest filmyou cinephiles out there will be pleased to learn There Will Be Blood stars Daniel Day-Lewis, and early word back is that it’s amaaaaazing – they posted the British trailer for season 7 of 24. (Why the British trailer? It’s classier that way!) Anyhow, it seems that Jack Bauer‘s next daylong adventure involves congressional subcommittees, torture and the return of Tony Almeida. From the trailer, Tony looks like he either drank the Kool-Aid or was exposed to that nasty Kryptonite from Superman III. You’d probably be in a bad mood, too, if your love interest had been toasted in a car explosion and you’d “died” after being injected with a fictional pain-causing drug. But would your spirits be low enough to mount a terrorist attack? The show won’t return until January, so get your fix from the trailer having. We’re having a Jack attack. Right. Now.

Who Are the Five Unsexiest Women Alive?


That glorious mens rag Maxim has named the following ladies The Five Unsexiest Women Alive:

5. Britney Spears
4. Madonna
3. Sandra Oh
2. Amy Winehouse
1. Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica has a horse face! Brit’s gained “23 pounds of Funyun pudge!” Yeah we get it – some ladies aren’t Megan Fox and therefore deserve what little self worth they have left shredded to bits with hackneyed, overused phrases. It’s a good thing they have their millions to cry into! Also – Sandra Oh? Really? We get Britney, but Oh was totally bangin’ back in Sideways. Get with it. We thought the original list could use some real, hardcore unsexiness, so here’s our go at it. What do you think?

5. anncoulter2.jpg Ann Coulter

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Blog Best-Of: Christina’s Coloring


christina_links.jpg- Here’s a funny correlation: the more pregnant Christina Aguilera gets, the more bronzer she puts on. It’s pumpkin-chic and it’s just in time for Halloween! [Jezebel]

- The Notorious B.I.G. wax figure debuts. He loves it when you call him “Big Paraffin.” [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Christina Ricci used to make a habit out of displaying her nipples at film premieres. In retrospect, this was the beginning of the end for her. [CityRag]

- A bear comes forward and claims that he had sex with Larry Craig. So now he’s gay and into animals?!? [Dlisted]

- Marie Osmond blogs about fainting on Dancing With the Stars. She’s really gonna have a hell of a time topping it next week. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

[Image: Getty]

Japan Makes Potty Training Adorable


I’m not so sure potty-training videos even exist here in the good ol’ US of A, but if there is such a thing it probably involve puppets and a singing acapella group. You know, something that gives you that creepy vibe even though it’s meant for two-year olds. But our friends across the globe in Japan have come up with this joyous, adorable (and easy!) cartoon of a cat family that loves to pee and poop together, to help train kids on when and where to go. It’s giggle-tastic – and pretty ridiculous. As much as I love the hyper-celebratory cartoon (and the smiling poop who loves getting flushed down the toilet), the part at the end with the actual kid is just straight up uncool. This video is gonna come back to haunt him in about ten years, and he’ll probably get his head shoved in some toilet by bullies as punishment for his childhood acting cred. Not sure if that’s ironic, but it’ll definitely suck.