Paris Hilton‘s 45-day jail sentence is so sensational that people we haven’t heard from since at least before the word "blog" was invented are stepping up to snark. The funniest comes from notorious ex-con Patty Hearst, who contacted TMZ.com to deny a report that she’s giving Paris advice. Instead, she takes the opportunity to riff on Paris’ recent misfortune: "I must say that my heart goes out to the inmates of the Century Regional Detention Center. Forty-five days with Paris Hilton and the attendant publicity seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me. Perhaps THEY should be petitioning the Governor for relief?" she writes. Hands down, this is the best commentary on Paris yet. Get this cult figure a blog, stat!
Patty recommends that Paris "read Candy Spelling‘s letter several times and take her advice to heart," which brings us to our next item…
"How are you growing?" asked Mo’Nique as she gave Courtney the boot. Is Courtney the only Charm School girl that isn’t growing? Was head mistress Mo justified in expelling Courtney from school — and from 50,000 bucks? Or should another girl have been cut instead? Weigh in now, and check back soon for our official recap.
If you missed the I Love New York 2 – You Cast It special, have no fear: you can watch a bit of it below. Catch producers, Sister Patterson, Courtney/Goldie, Chance, Real and New York herself all weighing in on New York and her potential suitors.
And don’t forget, there’s still time to submit your profile for a chance to appear on I Love New York 2. Hit ILoveNewYork2.com for details. And, as New York says during the special: nose-pickers and bisexuals need not apply.
- David Guest gushes about Amy Winehouse: "I would kiss the mole on Amy Winehouse’s face and every tattoo on her body and I’d stick my tongue in the gap where her tooth is missing." [Dlisted]
- Is Halle Berry pregnant? This baby bump is so much bigger than her! [A Socialite's Life]
- Bobby Brown asks judge to reconsider his and Whitney Houston’s divorce ruling. He needs more money to buy more drugs that lead him to make decisions like asking a judge to reconsider his divorce ruling. [Bossip]
- Jessica Simpson poses with dozens of balloons. She inflated them all with what was in her head. [Just Jared]
- The MySpace page of the teenager Akon famously humped surfaces. On it, she notes: "i am really outgoing ,wild,and luvvvv to have fun." Girl, tell us something we don’t already know. [Best Week Ever]
Madonna? In a strip club? Buying lap dances? MSNBC is rather breathlessly reporting this latest information about the Material Girl almost as if they expect her to be chaste or something (here’s a hint: when someone puts out an art book called Sex that features photographs of that person having, uh, group sex, chances are she’s at least thought of hiring a stripper or two in her time). Apparently Madonna’s real goal was to audition dancers for a short film. She was also in disguise and drinking coffee! And, as if that weren’t enough, she asked the nubile hopefuls to read a few lines from a script before getting down and dirty. We can only imagine that conversation:
Madonna: Talk dirty to me. Anonymous peeler: Lady, exactly how bored are you?
Yes, the ubiquitous Lindsay Lohan is easy on the eye, therefore eliciting certain reactions from certain people. But it didn’t seem right that she spilled the beans about another Georgia Rule cast member and his instinctual reaction to their wet t-shirt romp on the front lawn. Didn’t seem right at all…
Our ramp-up to Rock Honors (May 24) always includes revealing chats with the music’s stars. Road Tales focuses on some the silliness that goes down when artists are on tour.
Playing outdoor shows can be a blast, but keep your eyes on the skies. Dangerous poop predators are everywhere, and each one is ready to drop a bomb during your big moment. Cyndi recalls an icky incident.