The world would be a poorer place without Mariah Carey. The R&B princess works tirelessly for our collective amusement (today, for instance, sees the release of The Adventures of Mimi, the starlet’s concert DVD that features a performance from 2006). In 2005, she released The Emancipation of Mimi, the best-selling record of the year, and was named the sixth richest woman in entertainment, according to Forbes magazine, as of last January. The lady’s worth around $225 million, which, unless you’re Bill Gates and/or the Federal Reserve, is nothing to sneeze at. She’s currently at work on her next studio album, due out in the spring. But that’s not why we’ve included her here, today. No, the reason why she’s made our Hottie of the Week list is because she’s totally delectable. And that episode of Cribs, when she was on the StairMaster in lingerie? That’s been burned into our brains. Permanently.
As 2007 dwindles down, we look back at our favorite tracks. Each Tuesday through the end of the month, we’ll sing the praises of the 20 songs that made our year. See what made the cut, and let us know what you think of our choices.
Eve, “Tambourine,” from Here I Am (GEFFEN)
Never has a bait-and-switch so bruised dance floors around the world. When Eve’s alarm-call “Tambourine” first dropped, Paris hadn’t seen the inside of a jail cell, Dog the Bounty Hunter still had a career, and Lindsay had only been to rehab once. The world was ready for the triumphant return of the Caramel Bombshell, who managed to make hard-spit rhymes seem glam and menacing, like a Swarovski encrusted glock. All the pieces were in place: the Swizz Beatz-produced first single was a masterpiece – an early ‘70s funk sample from the Soul Searchers, the air raid beat, and the classiest lady in hip-hop employing a clever euphemism for dancing. Between reggaeton whoops, Eve demands we get on the dance floor. And that’s what we do. It remains unclear whether Here I Am contains other gems; the troubled disc has been pushed back ’til January.
If you don’t know who Mary Carey is, consider your life thus far incomplete. The porn star who forged a career out of a vague resemblance to Mariah Carey and then ran for governor of California is set to appear next on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, coming in 2008.
But first, she’s auctioning her boobs! Seriously! Her recently removed breast implants have been signed and are now up for auction on eBay, with some of the proceeds going to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Says Mary:
“Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state. I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”
I’d make a ho-ho-ho joke, but I don’t want to be Imused.
Oh, but you know what the best thing about this is? The removed implants don’t signal a reduction, but an upgrade: since having her 36-D’s removed, Mary’s moved up to 36-DDD’s. So, basically, you’re getting her sloppy, perhaps deflated seconds, but hey, it’s for charity, right?
After the jump, a closer look at the boobs up for bid…
Ah, poor Lauren. Whatever could be wrong?
Looks like our Hills heroine finally realized that her flapper costume looked a lot sexier on paper than it did on her person. Better luck next Halloween!
…complete and utter failure!
Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. Last Night’s Pics puts you in touch with all the action.
Johnny Depp, Sacha Baron Cohen, Amy Lee, Keith Richards, and Tim Burton strolled the red carpet at the premiere of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.
The Cinema Society hosted a screening of Atonement, which was attended by Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Jason Lewis, Eva Amurri, and director Joe Wright.
Ellen Page, Jennifer Garner, Megan Fox, Michael Cera, Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, and writer Diablo Cody were among the stars at the Juno premiere.
Can’t get enough of the Flavor of Love 2 winner? Satiate your appetite with our daily Deelishis video.
Few have taken on Sister Patterson and lived to tell about it. In this episode, someone does just that and comes away looking like the bigger person. That woman is the Entertainer’s mother.
A star is born.
Rehab mamas like Brit and Linds are always flaunting their sexual sides. Spears lets it all hang out by leaving her thong at home, and with boytoy after boytoy in her wake, “Firecrotch” Lohan is about the hotness, 24-7. So of course it makes sense that the ladies have one key sex item in common: a stripper pole. During the video for “Gimme More,” itself an electro anthem of insatiability and “crazy positions,” the Toxic One is onstage at a bar, sporting black hair, black leather, and black fishnets. Her pouting and writhing comes from experience. In I Know Who Killed Me, the Mean Girl has a scene where she’s hired as a hostess of a “gentlemen’s” club but winds up doing the nasty with radically dark eyes, some tossed-around hair, and a full exposed libido. Exhibitionism is in the house, y’all.
What we want to know: which trainwreck do you think is hotter when working the pole? Check both of the videos and hit the comments section.
Just when we were getting totally turned off by Chris Brown‘s sugary sweetness, a wonderfully delicious scandal has dropped that makes him SO much more appealing! Chris, a singing and dancing machine with a PG – rating, is rumored to have been carrying on a sexual affair with his much older manager, and is reportedly in love with the woman, who was formerly a Senior VP at Def Jam. The romance is now supposedly disrupting Chris’ tour, and his mama, as expected, is PISSED, obvs. Her kid’s been getting busy with an older woman since he was 16, and now the affair is allegedly destroying his tour with Bow Wow – all in the name of Harold & Maude-esque love. Oh Chris, how we suddenly find you so much more appealing now. Kiss Kiss, indeed.
The singer has released a statement denying the whole thing, dropping the usual token phrases when these kind of rumors arise. He says, “Chris Brown and his manager Tina Davis have a strictly professional relationship,” the statement reads. “Ms. Davis has been instrumental in helping Chris achieve success as a multi-talented singer/dancer/actor. Rumors that the relationship goes beyond a working one are not only patently false, they diminish her efforts and his undeniable talents.”
Ya mean, her efforts and his talents in bed?