Britney’s Kids Have Rotting Teeth

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britney082807.jpgGood News: Britney got new, pretty blond extensions!

Bad News: The latest outlook on the Brit-cast is dark and stormy, ya’ll. A friend of the starlet’s got in a car accident trying to flee K-Fed’s cronies who showed up at his house to serve him with a subpoena. Her former manager, Larry Rudolph, is currently hiding out somewhere to avoid the same fate. His pal Ryan Seacrest said, “He’s actually on the run, if you will…he doesn’t want to say where he is and he doesn’t want to be served because he said it won’t be good for Britney.”

Brit’s also being investigated by the Department of Children and Family Services due to “allegations of poor dental hygiene, as well as poor eating and sleeping habits for her kids.” Apparently it may even be K-Fed who filed the complaint! There are two lessons to be learned here. Don’t marry a tool-ish backup dancer at twenty-three years old. Also, brush your kids teeth.

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Miss Teen South Carolina is Still Kinda Dumb

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Check out Miss South Carolina’s appearance this morning on The Today Show. Obviously still a little nervous and mortified, she attempted to re-do her answer to the question she was asked Friday night at the Miss Teen USA Pageant, which has been viewed online more than 2 million times. The thing is, she doesn’t really answer the question, even though she’s now had 3 days to think about it! You may recall that Lauren Caitlin Upton was asked, “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”

Her answer today, while coherent, basically says “My friends and I know where America is on a map, so what the hell is wrong with all these dumb people?!” Right. If only they had whipped out a nice big map of the world and tested her 17-year old ass. She’d probably be pointing at The Iraq.

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Tuesday: Ashanti Packin’ the Pounds; Jessica Simpson Will Sing Anywhere

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ashanti082807.jpgBritney’s No Dog Beater
The pop star has been cleared of charges that she was responsible for breaking her dog’s tiny leg. Now…what about those kids and their rotting teeth? [Us Weekly]

Ashanti: Overweight and in Hiding
Apparently the singer has gained so much weight she refused to be photographed at an event in San Diego. Check her out looking svelte (right) in June 2007 – she must have done some serious eating since then. [NY Post]

Cameron’s Got Another New Man
I think I know who’s bringing sexy back, and it ain’t Justin. His ex-girlfriend is getting it on all over NYC, and this week she’s linked to Alias star Bradley Cooper. Put your back into it, Cam! [E Online]

Jessica Simpson’s New Singing Gig
The Texan recently burst into song at a Louisiana restaurant, performing an impromptu mini-concert. Apparently, she will work for food. [A Socialite's Life]

Fight with Pal Turned Owen Suicidal
Actor Owen Wilson’s rumored suicide attempt was apparently spurred on by a big battle with a close friend. Let’s hope he’s getting some help - and cutting some peeps out if his life. [NY Post]

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Rock on TV – The Shortlist

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houseparty.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? Don’t know what to watch? Love to see your favorite musicians tied up in absurd plots? Well, then, you’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.

House Party, 8:15 p.m. (EST), Cinemax: Before versions 2, 3 and, unbelievably, 4, there was this 1990 classic. More musical than movie, it starred Christopher Reid and Christopher Martin (aka Kid ‘N Play) in a story about high hair, neon pajamas and what happens when your dad grounds you just as you’re about to hook up some hot teenage action. The culture was innocent once, and young!

Charlie Rose with the Beastie Boys, 11 p.m. (EST) PBS: The three bad boys that you know so well keep Charlie company tonight. Will they talk about their new instrumental album? Will they wax eloquent about international politics? Will they announce plans to scuttle their hip-hop ambitions and live on a self-sustaining commune? One thing’s for sure: Charlie will be the equal of it. Has he ever been fazed by anything?

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The Rock Life Recap, Episode 5

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Tony Potato
Tony Potato, the “fat guy who dances on a box,” according to Cisco, loses his job. The real job, that is. Apparently Tony’s commitment to the band was overshadowing his ability to practice law. It’s actually something of a blessing though, as now Tony feels he can dedicate himself more fully to the band. This statement is followed by severeal images from Tony’s day, which include (but are not limited to) Tony cooking, golfing, and chasing a ball around the pool. Read more…

Boys to Men – Mission: Manband Episode 4 Recap

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Mission: Man Band
Last night’s Man Band was a cruel exercise in humiliation. When Miss Kate forced the guys to perform at the Orlando Magic half-time show against their will, that was one thing. Everyone was expecting to be booed. And booed they were. But when Miss Kate pointlessly, antagonistically made them listen to radio jocks tear their performance to shreds the following morning, that was something else. And when she made them watch a tape of the show, that was the camel that broke the straw’s back. Read more…

The Pick-Up Artist Episode 4 Recap

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joe_w_pua_of_the_week2.jpg

Sure, he might rollerblade around the pool, get overly excited about pantry sizes and seem kind of like maybe girls aren’t his thing, but Joe W. has fully absorbed the teachings of Mystery and integrated them into his lifestyle. He was the only individual to come near to kissing someone during Episode 4’s bar challenge (Kosmo doesn’t count), and he’s by far the dreamiest nerd in the herd, which makes him our Pick Up Artist of the Week.

Read more…

DMX Accused of Abusing Pit Bulls

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dmx.jpgCould animal abuse be the new DUI for celebs? It’s completely horrible and wrong, yet more people seem to be doing it. DMX is the latest star to possibly get nailed for mistreating pit bulls, after 12 pups were removed from his Arizona home in poor condition. Police also removed a large number of weapons from his crib, and a search of his backyard turned up the charred remains of at least one dog.

The rapper’s attorney defended DMX, stating that “He loves and lives for his animals.” But this is not the first time her client’s name has been associated with abusing dogs. In 2002 the Ruff Ryder pleaded guilty to charges of animal cruelty after a 1998 raid of his house turned up thirteen neglected pit bulls. Seeing as this case comes on the same day as football star Michael Vick’s guilty plea in the dogfighting case against him, it kinda makes you wonder – when did hurting animals become the cool thing for these stars to do? [VH1 News. Image: Getty]

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Miss Teen South Carolina is Pretty and Dumb

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Please PLEASE watch the above video of Miss South Carolina competing in the Questions portions of the Miss Teen USA pageant on Friday night. Her stupidity is pure genius. Seriously. Mario Lopez is a true U.S. American hero for not laughing in this girl’s face. You can chalk some things up to nerves, but not this. The question would have been better answered if she had just held the mic up to her brain so the audience could hear the sound of tumble weed blowing through her head. [DListed]

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Is Britney Spears Beatin’ Her Babies?

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britney082707-copy.jpgSomeone hide the clipping shears cuz we smell a meltdown about to happen. Apparently Britney is being investigated for – duh duh duhhhhh – possible child abuse. We know she’s not the most perfect mom, but is feeding your kids soda and Cheetos illegal? A custody hearing about the kids was held this morning between Britney and Kevin’s lawyers, as well as a lawyer for the Los Angeles County counsel. TMZ also reports that, “We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.”

Oh man. No wonder poor Brit wants to haul her ass to London. Though these pics of Britney smoking around her kids sure ain’t helping her win any Mom of the Year Awards. [TMZ. Image: Getty]

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