Joe Francis and the Case of the Extremely Messy Prosecution


As you probably remember from every newspaper article written about America’s declining ethical standards since Lewinskygate, Joe Francis is the man behind the hugely successful Girls Gone Wild franchise. He’s a miraculous entrepreneur who discovered that a crappy handicam, a couple of Jello shots and a pair of breasts (preferably aged 18 to 21) could become an incredibly lucrative platform for establishing a business.

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Blog Best-Of: Badu’s Bad Hair


erykah_links.jpg- Erykah Badu‘s range of terrible hairstyles are, at last, collected in one place. Most of these can be explained away by the fact that incense smoke was getting between her and the mirror. [SOULBOUNCE.COM]

- American Idol alum Constantine Mouralis and ’80s teen queen Debbie Gibson are dating. I look forward to the point in their relationship when they start fighting about who has the better career. [Dlisted]

- A minor debate on racism breaks out on The View after the ladies are portrayed as cavewomen. This is just the ghost of Betty Rubble getting back at the world for being depicted by the porcine Rosie O’Donnell. [Best Week Ever]

- Justin Timberlake does a beer shotgun during a tailgate party. That’s what I call preserving your douchey. [CityRag]

- I think it pisses God off if you surf by Fantasia wearing gold lamé on the Internet somewhere and don’t notice it. [Crunk + Disorderly]

[Image credit: Getty]

David Copperfield Can’t Make His Creepiness Disappear


copperfield101407.jpgThe web world has been all abuzz lately, twittering about the recent charges of rape brought up against magician David Copperfield by a Seattle woman. She alleges that the attack took place in the Bahamas and the FBI is now investigated. All we know about the guy is that he is all sorts of magical and miraculously managed to hold onto Claudia Schiffer for six years, so Copperfield’s relatively boring background make the deets of the investigation even that much weirder. Here’s what we know so far.

  • Investigators raided Copperfield’s Las Vegas warehouse last week and made out with “digital camera equipment” and a hard drive.
  • Sources have revealed that the magician supposedly created a system for picking out attractive women from his audience. He uses code words like “mama” with his assistants, who then mark of the female audience member’s location on a map. They are then brought backstage, photographed, and told that David would like to use them in his show if he comes to their town. Then they are asked to name colognes they like and preferred vacation spots. Ewww. Try none and nowhere!
  • TMZ reports that one location often mentioned is the Bahamas, which is where the alleged rape took place. Connection?
  • Could this mean that the female accuser is one of the women David photographed in his bizarre post-show lady round up?
  • Lastly, is your card an ace of spades? [TMZ. Getty]

John Mayer: Sideburns On the High Seas


You know how stars are: if they’re not happy, they jump on the celly with their babysitters and pitch a fit. We thought John Mayer was different – he’s a happy-go-lucky dude, no? But glue some seafaring captain’s whiskers on the side of his face and he gets all precious on you. We think he should sport those sideburns on through the end of ’08. Could bring a bit of gravitas to his artistic persona. This clip (it’s a goof, c’mon) will explain the whole thing.

If you’re a Mayer maven, you probably know that the costume is part of his promo campaign for the Mayercraft Cruise Sweepstakes, where you can win a few days buzzing around the Bahamas with JM himself, and pals such as Colbie Caillat and Brandi Carlile. You relax, they play some tunes, you hang with ‘em on the poopdeck.

Who Would You Rather: Pete, Carrot Top or a Cartoon Potato?



We checked out pics of Pete Doherty leaving court today looking all sorts of messed up (and sober, natch) and kinda had to wonder – would we hit it? Probably not, though throw in a couple other seedy options and we might. So in honor of our favorite game Who Would You Rather, we ask YOU dear reader, who would you rather get with? Sober, chunk-faced zit master Pete, the prop-loving monstrosity Carrot top, or this adorable cartoon potato we found using Google Image Search? Our pick has dreamy green eyes! [Getty]

Tila Tequila, You Are This Week’s Most-Improved Player (Recap Episode 3)


Tila Tequila

Finally, darling, you have returned to your senses. Oh, Tila, how worried we were that you’d developed neurasthenia, or a mental fugue, or an Adam’s apple! But, as you happily proved to us last night, none of these are the case. You are hale and healthy and still female, and finally (finally!) you are beginning to demonstrate the genius with which you first seduced us. That is to say nothing of your physical beauty. You were resplendent in your Daisy Dukes. You glowed like the dying embers of a once-great dwarf star in your shiny blue Rayon (or was it polyester?) negligee. Your eyes glittered like hard little dusty black marbles when you were assessing your suitors. Each of them failed you, we noticed. Each of them.

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What is Mariah Carey Thinking?



Oh yeahhhh, girl. The doctor got my order right! I told him to make my forehead as smooth as this giant perfume bottle, and he did. He really did. That’s what millions of dollars can get you. I better get a couple of million for this stinky-ass fragrance. Seriously, I’m letting these fools put my letter on this bottle, so it better be good. Mental note – talk to lawyer guy about copyrighting the letter M. Also, butterflies. Oh – I also gotta talk to that smelly wild animal zoo keeper guy about installing butterfly garden in my bedroom. Ugh, this is too much to remember. My brain needs an assistant. Is that possible?

Check out more pics below from Mariah’s unveiling of her new fragrance, “M,” last night in NYC.

[All Images: Getty]

VH1 Reality Star: VH1 Reality Stars Are Washed-Up



It’s murder! Or wait, is it suicide? Music honcho Irv Gotti, who’s being profiled on VH1′s just-launched sitautionality series Gotti’s Way, has spoken to the AP about the negative “stigma” that comes from appearing on a VH1 reality show. Says Irv:

They have a stigma that even if you do a show, once you do a show with them, you are corny and washed up. We are hoping with my show to change that stigma. That is something I openly talked about. I’m like, ‘Your stigma is pretty bad.’ Anyone who goes on VH1, you could very well have a hit show, but you are corny. You are washed up. With my show, they are directly trying to remove that stigma.

What do you think — does Irv have a point, or is he deluded by thinking he’s somehow better than the rest of VH1′s talent? Is this like the pot calling himself a pot, or what? [AP/Yahoo! / Image credit: Getty]

Anna Nicole Lives!


Remember that video of an 8-months-pregnant Anna Nicole Smith wearing clown makeup and slurring that made the rounds soon after her death earlier this year? Well, now there’s more of it — the extended clip below features, among things, Anna playing with a doll and chalking her pregnancy up to gas. All the while, the 9-year-old daughter of her friend Ford Shelly pleads with Howard K. Stern to take the clearly toasted Anna to the hospital. It’s pretty chilling stuff. Howard recently appeared on Larry King Live, saying that the previously leaked 45-second clip was taken out of context and not a fair representation of Anna Nicole’s state. He’s right — it was a lot funnier when it wasn’t so damn sad.

Britney Spears Lives in Her Own World


britney102407.jpg“Hi Britney. I’m your parenting coach. I’m here to watch you with your babies.”

“What babies?”

Surely that’s how the first meeting between Mama Brit and her parenting coach went – if you believe the latest report that her coach has bashed Britney in her report for the judge in her custody case with K-Fed. The coach’s complaints include:

  • Britney ain’t paying no attention to the coach and shows her little respect.
  • She’s often in “her own world,” distracted and unfocused.
  • She refuses to listen to anyone.
  • Britney’s secret language is made up of five words that each stand for: Frappuccino, Cheetos, car, tanning and get f**ked up.

An inside source claims the report is “very damaging,” but what isn’t these days when Britney is involved? Can it be any worse than her new lips? Doubtful. [Getty]