Kanye West Is a Robot Weirdo

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Kanye West‘s new single off his upcoming record is called "Stronger," and it presents a very weird, not altogether unpleasant mash of styles, combining Kanye, Cassie and Daft Punk with fashions by Jeremy Scott and a retro-futuristic Japanese backdrop that alternately looks like Akira and The Fast and the Furious while referencing Nigo and A Bathing Ape. Phew. That’s a lot. The song is pretty catchy and the visuals are good, but the lyrics are on the ridiculous side of bad. Consider: "You know how long I’ve been on ya?/ Since Prince was on Apollonia/ Since OJ had Isotoners." And that’s to say nothing of the Vuitton and Dior mentions. The words, however, do pose a few questions that we’d like your opinion on. Does that which does not kill Kanye make him stronger? Would you like to be his "black Kate Moss" tonight? And is this song about stalking, or is it about what a great artist Kanye is? We can’t tell. Get used to it now, before he performs for Diana on Sunday.

Tour Survival Guide: Rooney

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Rooney

Now and then our Tour Survival Guide will check in with rockers about life on the road. Here’s Rooney‘s Robert Schwartzman and Ned Brower on mainlining sugary cereal, getting decked in England and forgetting where you’ve been.

Music For Celebs To Do Drugs To
Ned Brower: We played four nights at the Roxy just before we left. Mischa Barton showed up in our dressing room on psychedelic mushrooms, which was really weird. Needless to say she loved the show.

Wherever You Go, There You Are
Robert Schwartzman:
I remember we were playing Austin, and I said, "It’s so awesome to be in Austin for the first time." The band was like, "Dude, we’ve played here before." On the mic. Like, "Robert we’ve played here." And I was like, "No we haven’t." Then some fans were like, "Yes. You have."

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Amy, Glass, Blood, Love, Head, Bad

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Amyw_2Stunt or no-stunt? We believe it’s the latter. During a recent interview with Spin, Amy Winehouse diddled about with her hands like many of us do. Only the "Rehab" singer, who’s new single finds her confessing that she’s "no good," dug into her stomach with the shard of a broken mirror. The scrawled message? "I love blake." She’s referencing Blake Fielder-Civil, her new husband, but that’s a crazed way to pledge devotion, no? Call it a salute to Iggy Pop as well.

Winehouse freaks will want to grab this issue of the mag. Evidently it’s got some great quotes, such as "I write songs because I’m f*cked in the head and need to get something good out of something bad." No, no, no.

Uncle Jesse is Just Like Your Crazy Uncle

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Have mercy! Check out this clip of ER star John Stamos getting all sorts of wacky in a TV interview in Australia yesterday. He blamed his antics on being exhausted from jet lag, but the show’s host, Kerri-Ann Kennerley, called it out best: "It was a bit like he’d perhaps come from a hotel minibar." John! How rude!

Stamos was sent back to the States after he couldn’t cut out his embarrassing behavior, which included this strange statement in an interview the day prior, on his friendly relationship with the Olsens: "It was interesting the time they were going through some of their
issues, um, certainly Mary-Kate. I was getting
divorced, so, um, I think Ashley was kind of alone, and, um… at a
beach house, and she came down to stay with me… but, um, I think
they’re doing really well now…"

What the "H-E-Double hockey sticks" is he saying? In the end, John truly puts it best, when after discussing the death of Princess Diana, he exclaims, "Who else has died? My career after coming to Australia."

You got it dude!

[Shameless Full House references in this post: 5]

Beyonce to Star in Remake of Tron?

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Bey Beyonce may have been a big winner at last night’s BET Awards, but she certainly wasn’t winning any fashion awards. Jay’s lady took home awards for best female R&B artist and for her "Irreplaceable" video, but looked positively robotic while performing her new song "Get Me Bodied." According to JustJared.com, Bey stripped off her kevlar-like padding to reveal "$100,000 gold Balenciaga leggings and a matching bra top," in some Tron-like homage to a sexified C-3PO. And Beyonce’s on-stage get-ups aren’t the only thing coming under fire — singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright blasted Beyonce in this month’s issue of Spin Magazine, calling her songs "formulaic" and "mesmerising in the basest way." He then went on to say, "I’m really sick of Beyonce."

Was a Jailed Paris on the Ledge?

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Now that Paris is out from behind the bars of her jail cell and back behind the bars of her gated mansion, the people who cared for her during her 23-day sentence are coming forward to spill a few beans. Sheriff Lee Baca testified yesterday about the whole house arrest mix-up and painted a pretty bleek picture of the heiress’ initial state. "Our doctors said we had no solution to Hilton’s medical problems.
None," said Baca, "As a
sheriff in this county, I’m not going to let any inmate die in this
jail." Say what? DIE? I thought she was just having some tiny jail cell panic attacks, or something.

The sheriff gave no details about Hilton’s illness, but did say that his department, "couldn’t fix whatever that medical problem was," and stressed that it was not going to improve.  Baca also apparently told the courtroom, “I think we all in this room know something about suicide.” Yikes. Was Paris really about to take her own life because she was so claustrophobic? Or did she just miss her precious Taco Bell? Perhaps something was actually, truly wrong?

Thankfully, the jailbird is singing to People Magazine this week. She describes herself as being curled up in the "fetal position" for her first nights in jail, hysterically crying. That’s not deathly, that’s hot!

Wednesday: Jen’s Hush Hush Date; Olsens Duck and Drive

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Kim Kardashian Hangs with Hot  Mom
Big surprise – Kim Kardashian is smoking hot, even in sweats. But check out these pics, because it turns out her mom is just as fine! Way to keep it in the family. [DListed]

Jen and New Man’s Secret Rendevous
A tabloid spy caught Jen and her British arm candy, Paul Sculfor, on a date at a bar, and was kicked out while trying to alert pals of her celeb spotting. As she was booted, the celebrity clientele applauded. Bravo? [NY Post]

Brunette Britney’s Botched Dye Job
After attempting to color her own hair at home, the starlet’s face ended up covered in black hair dye, causing her assistant to rush out to a salon for some dye-remover. Shouldn’t Brit have just gone there in the first place? [TMZ]

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Hottie of the Week: Paris Hilton

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Photo_20x9_1 All Paris Pics

She started out as just a rich and raucous underage booze-hound, table dancing at the hottest clubs across the world. But whether you love her, hate her, or love to hate her, you can’t deny that Paris Hilton has come into her own – tackling TV, film, perfume, and one sleazy sex tape – all while lookin’ stunningly super fine. Her rise to celebutante stardom has not been without drama, scandal, and a panty-less photo or two, but that’s why the world can’t get enough of the beautiful heiress known as Paris.

In true Hilton style, she even managed to look smokin’ hot (in no makeup) as she walked out of jail earlier Tuesday morning, a free woman. Check out the pics to take a peek at how Paris works it, as we welcome the sexy jailbird back to her home on the web as our Hottie of the Week.

Joss Stone Slams Perez Hilton, Sort Of

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Earlier this year, celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton spread some fairly nasty news about neo-soul star Joss Stone. The nastiness? A video in which producer Dallas Austin claimed that Stone traded sex for beats. Now comes Stone’s rebuttal in the form of a YouTube video. Dressed up as a newscaster, the singer reports on how Hilton needs lots of help. She says it’s hard to tell if he’s a man or a woman, and mentions him being possessed by Satan. (Perez can’t possibly be possessed by Satan, since Satan is currently got his grips on most of Bel Air, Beverly Hills, Malibu and the Lower East Side — not West Hollywood.)  Joss, your media-war ante has been duly noted. Way to go!