Paris Writes Fans, Gabs for Bucks & Kills Her Cat

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Parispets
Apparently 5000 people actually like Paris Hilton. That’s the number of letters the heiress has received while locked up in Lynwood. They must just be all from Nicole Richie asking her what the food’s like. Paris has reportedly been a great pen pal, responding to a bunch of her notes and telling her fans she’s "sad and alone." But don’t let her words fool you. She’s still cold hearted and cruel, according to the latest dirt dished in Page Six. Paris is (possibly) an animal killer! Or at least, that’s what her neighbors are accusing her of today. Seems like they’ll do anything to get the party girl kicked off their block. 

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Have a Miserable, Cigarette-y Lunch

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Kurtlunch

Ever since the widow Love sold off 25% of Kurt Cobain‘s catalog and licensed his image for use by the National Entertainment Collectibles Association (yes, seriously, such a thing exists), the sadly deceased Nirvana frontman has been popping up in all sorts of places. For example, as pictured here, you can now buy the Kurt Cobain lunchbox, which holds all manner of tasteful suicide sandwiches and needle-drop soups. Kurt has also been memorialized as an action figure and in a key chain that doubles up as a liquor flask, in a move that we suspect was motivated by suits at megacorporations who were wondering if they could get Kurt to kill himself twice. This follows on the heels of Cobain’s image being used in a Doc Marten’s ad, which officially has turned us off British combat boots, like, forever.

Britney: Tantrums Are a Girl’s Best Friend

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She may have gone to rehab and changed her partying ways, but Britney’s attitude still stinks. Something set the starlet off recently at shoot for her new perfume, and she reportedly freaked, walked out, and refused to continue working. A source says, "She is not listening to anyone and doing exactly what she wants." This may explain another tidbit of Britsanity, which alleges that she is trying to win back her tank top loving ex, K-Fed. She’s apparently enlisted her mom for help, and pictures show her recently sporting a ridiculously huge diamond on her ring finger. Is this a sign that Spears wants to reconcile? Or does she just love massive bling?

Let’s be real: she better get Kevin back, because there’s no way she can make a decent perfume commercial without his magic arrow shooting skills. What kind of fantasy is it without that hunk of Feder-beef running around in the ad?

Thursday: Lindsay Leaves Rehab a Lot; Jess and John Move On

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Kelly
Kelly Confesses Eating Disorder

The Idol has admitted that she struggled with bulimia as a teen after getting passed over for a role in her high school musical. [Us Magazine]

Lindsay: Still Playing Rehab Hooky
LiLo left rehab three times the other day, skipping the gym to head back to her apartment, where she moved truckloads of stuff out. Sounds like she’s definitely serious about staying in rehab for a while! [X17]

Mandy Bashes Braff in Song
She’s mad and she’s not gonna take it anymore! A song on Moore’s new album Wild Hope is reportedly about her rocky relationship with Scrubs star Zach Braff. [NY Post]

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Blog Best-Of: Zahara’s Zazz

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Zahara_links- Zahara Jolie-Pitt has so much sass, you can catch a whiff of her stink eye just by looking at her picture. Grow up fast, Zahara: VH1 needs you for its reality programming. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Paris Hilton responds to prison fan mail in a letter written all by herself. She didn’t need a helper monkey or anything! [Dlisted]

- Steven Tyler has man boobs. Next time he gets his lips and eyes done, he should put in for a breast lift. [CityRag]

- Pussycat Doll Carmit Bachar shows us her inner Doll. And by "inner Doll," I mean, "nipple." [The Superficial]

- T.I. says racial discrimination prevented him from buying a house he wanted. His solution? Buy a bigger house. I bet the racial divide feels so salty now that the economic divide has defeated it. [The Pop Culture Junkie]

[Image credit: Getty]

Tara Reid Mixes Booze and Booty

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Oh Tara. It seems like just last week that you were doing so well, all cleaned up without a nipple in sight. Wait…that was last week. And now, look at you – back to your old routine of getting hammered and making out with whatever comes your way. Your outfit last night (at left) was still cute and classy – for you (though it seems your fake boobs grew back). But then you ended your evening looking all sorts of wasted with a dude in your lap. So what happened? 12 gin and tonics? Oh well. We tried. At least you still have your career. Wait – scratch that.

Paris: 10 Pounds Skinnier and Starving

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Paris has reportedly lost 10 pounds in jail after refusing to eat. The heiress, who stands tall at 5 feet 8 inches, is allegedly down to 100 pounds. When Nicole hears this, she’ll be volunteering to be locked up before her trial even starts! A source on the inside said that her guards got worried and "threatened to put her on an intravenous drip to rehydrate her and give her some nourishment unless she started eating." She’s since managed to get a few bites down, says the spy, but Paris is still all sorts of messed up: pale, weak and sporting matted hair due to the lack of shampoo in the clink.

This begs the question: what will she look like when she walks free on June 25th? Is the celebutante gonna let the world see her in this kind of disheveled state? Hell, Britney does, so why not, Paris!? Either way, Monday will be her moment of reckoning, when she’ll either head down a path of goodwill and charity fueled by self-help books, or return to her ways of panty flashing and party crashing. But before she does anything, she’ll probably head to In-n-Out Burger first and eat her way back up to 110
pounds.

Avril: Desperate for Screen Time

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Avril She may be way more “hardcore” than Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears, but the punk pop starlet wants what they got. No, not a divorce by the age of 25, but a movie career. Thesinger is reportedly in talks with Sony BMG (also her record label) to star in a”thriller feature film,” a source tells Page Six, “playing kind of a white-trash girl.”

Hm. How badly does Avril want us to make a joke right here? It’d be too easy, so we’ll just offer this bit of advice. Before she steps in front of the camera, she may want to sit down with some popcorn and watch the extended versions of Crossroads and Employee of the Month. Or perhaps Glitter, or maybe anything Madonna has done. The list goes on and on. Watch out Avril! Stick to what you know – gold records and silly outfits.

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Brit’s a Slave for Booze

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Brit2_2 Sean and Jayden’s mama supposedly hit up Lola’s in Los Angeles last week, and tossed back a few cocktails. The bar’s manager told Us Weekly, "She had two Jack [Daniels] and Cokes and an orange-flavored martini, her whole visit was pretty low-key and she didn’t seem drunk."

Now, Britney is enough of a mess sober that she should probably steer clear of something that’s gonna make her go really crazy (check out these bizarre NSFW pics of Brit trying to keep her dress on in the middle of the day for proof). But we’re confused – was she ever even an alcoholic? Yes, we know she went nuts and boozed way too hard and skipped out on panties and cuddled with Paris for a while. And sure, she went to rehab. But didn’t she have post partum depression or something? She did say on her own site that while hitting "rock bottom," she doesn’t "think that it was alcohol or depression." And what’s better or more trustworthy than a self diagnosis? We’ll drink to that! Cheers, Britney!

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