Blog Best-Of: Alvin’s Annihilation

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Alvinnchips- I really didn’t believe that hip-hop was dead…and then came along Alvin and the Chipmunks v. 3.0. WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL AND CHEEK-STORING MUST THE CHIPMUNKS RUIN EVERY RELEVANT FORM OF POPULAR MUSIC AND SOCIAL EXPRESSION?!? [Best Week Ever]

- More Nick and Vanessa sex shots surface and these are just slightly naughtier than the last. If things continue at this rate, we’ll have full boobage by 2009. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com]

- Orlando Bloom is photographed rocking a patchy, rat-like mustache. Congratulations are in order to him for finally hitting puberty. [I'm Not Obsessed]

- Janet Jackson and bf Jermaine Dupri vacation in Miami. Her badonkadonk has expanded since the last time we saw it, but as with her last weight gain, it’s for a film role: she’s signed on to topline The Butt-y Professor. [CONCRETELOOOP]

- There’s a reason behind Matt Damon and Ben Affleck‘s recent vacation cavorting: they’re planning to write together again. See, I just thought they were gay. [Just Jared]

Michael Jackson: Moving to Maryland?

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Mjackson
You read that headline correctly. The King of Pop is checking out vacation homes on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. His publicist told the Washington Post, "He’s always admired the properties on the East Coast because they have
a lot of land. Neverland has 3,000 acres—he
likes privacy. You can’t find as many properties like that on the West
Coast."

Get your evacuation plans ready, Maryland residents! You’re about to be flooded – with craziness. But hey, maybe Michael is a good neighbor. At least your kids could go next door and play in his amusement park.

Jennifer is J-Lo No More

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Jlomarc
Jenny from the block is kicking her old nickname to the curb, a la "Puff Daddy." In a new interview she confesses that J-Lo was created for fun, but then "got out of control and really crazy." Your fault, not ours, Jen. We didn’t force you to use it in every song for three years, nor did we enjoy it.

She also tells The Sun, "That’s all gone with the ridiculous stories about me
throwing tantrums and insisting on Egyptian sheets. That’s all firmly
in my past." After all that warning, even J-Lo Jennifer got fooled by the rocks that she got. But what’s the future hold for our uptown diva? Word broke today that she and her hubby Marc Anthony will hit the road on a joint tour, covering their own songs as well as duets. What a brilliant plan! Instead of one of them sitting at home worrying about the slew of affairs the other is having on the road, they can head out together and ruin each other’s chances of getting hot, backup dancer booty. Isn’t their marriage over already?

Paris is the Same Old Spoiled Airhead

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Paris070507 Paris posted a message to fans on her Myspace page, and while she desperately wants you to think she’s a changed woman, the heiress still comes across as a spoiled brat with poor grammar. Below is her sweet little note, with our interpretation of what she’s really trying to say in bold.

Hey everyone! I’m back from my much needed vacation in Maui. It was so beautiful and relaxing. But its good to be home again. I just want to thank you all for your letters of love and support. I am doing my best to respond to each and every one with the letter I wrote–that message was for fans like you who have supported me through it all.

Hey stalkers! I had to go to a tiny island far far away from America just to get the hell away from you and your creepy letters.

Read more…

50 Says Free Ride Is Over

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50centIf you thought the key to easy street lay with recording a record for G-Unit or maybe inventing a new flavor of Vitamin Water, think again. 50 Cent, budding mogul and onetime golem of Dr. Dre and Eminem, has said enough is enough. Speaking to White Rapper‘s Sacha Jenkins, 50 explained how his artists and their entourages have lightened his wallet by about $8.5 million, give or take. He also said that if his people were looking for a little walking-around money, he was the go-to guy: "Whether I got to give them $500,000 or $300,000 … Just ’cause they want $300,000 more to make what they [are] doing at the time comfortable. Like, ‘yo, I want to get this new place over here.’" Clearly 50′s ideas about friendship differ from most people’s: His ideas about friendship overlap with his ideas about branding and sponsorship. Consider this problem: "I looked around the room, and I was the only person with G-Unit sneakers on. But they were being paid," he adds. "It had become the norm for the check to come, but they were no longer wearing the clothes." Yikes. Those must be some ugly sneakers to risk losing a $500,000 pay day, you know, whenever you feel like it.

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Video: LiLo’s “First Sober Birthday Ever”

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Lindsayali
Lindsay Lohan is popping up all over the small screen today, making appearances in various paprazzi videos. Here’s the breakdown of her mostly bikini clad birthday week – as caught on tape.

Playing the protective big sister sure does suit Lindsay! Let’s hope her new found habits brush off on the littler Lohans. Seeing as their older sibling revealed that she just had her "first sober birthday ever," it sounds like this clan starts partying at birth.

Britney Pens Poem to Mom

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Britneybird
Britney’s legal letter demanding her mom stay far way from her two tots wasn’t the meanest note she handed to Lynne Spears last week. Apparently the pop princess also included a poem entitled "Dear Mama" in her paper pile, detailing what she feels is unforgivable mother-daughter treatment. A source reveals that Brit disowns her mom in the piece, writing that "she couldn’t imagine a mother doing what she did to her child.”

And just what did Lynne do? Well supposedly Britney hired a private investigator to dig up the dirt and obtained recordings of her phone calls with K-Fed. One has her plotting a visit with Sean and Jayden at his place behind the pop princess’ back, in which Lynne even says, "I have to be careful that Britney doesn’t find out!" Nice try Mama. You should know better than to mess with Britney Jean!

Below the jump, our imagined version of Brit’s poetic masterpiece.   

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Hottie of the Week: Megan Fox

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Photo_20x9_1 All Megan Fox Pics

The Transformers star looks a lot more sexy when she’s walking a red carpet or partying somewhere.

Remember when she was hanging out with La Lohan in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen?

She’s a little older and a little wilder these days. Say goodbye to the girl and hello to the woman as you meet our Hottie of the Week.

Diddy’ll Be Missing His Girlfriend, Kate & Pete Part 27

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Didkim Diddy‘s living up to his bad boy moniker. After 10 years and three kids (most recently twins, born in December), Diddy and his model-actress girlfriend Kim Porter are calling it quits. The couple have been on-and-off throughout the course of their relationship. This time, though, Porter has purchased a home in Beverly Hills for her and her children, and isn’t coming back to Diddy’s New York digs.

Other occupants of the Heartbreak Hotel? Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Seems that the couple (who were practically genetically engineered for one another) are on the outs, with Pete taking up with other models, Kate changing the locks and a moving van transporting Pete’s earthly goods to a quaint little trailer in West London.