Blog Best-Of: Beyoncé’s Brattines

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Beyonce_links2- Beyoncé has some rules for fans that she meets with: no kissing, no questions and no touching, among them. Nowhere does it say, “No peeing.” So, you know, at least there’s some fun to be had. [I'm Not Obsessed]

- To meet Justin Timberlake, Madonna wears an all-black outfit that looks witch-inspired. This is her way of telling him that she wants to be his hag. [Dlisted]

- Rihanna receives the Legs of a Goddess “award.” By “goddess,” they mean, “someone crazy enough ensure her stems for $1 million.” [CONCRETELOOP]

- Ray J has been hired to direct and narrate a porn film. At last, porn that caters to the blind market. Just when you think every demographic is covered, along comes Ray J. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Uma Thurman thinks that granny panties are an acceptable substitute for bikini bottoms. Uma Thurman is wrong. [Egotastic!]

[Image credit: Getty]

Nick Lachey Defends His Woman

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Check out this video
of Nick getting p*ssed off at a pesky photographer while at the airport. The paparazzo allegedly said something crude about Vanessa as they walked by, so after escorting his lady friend out of harm’s way, the sensitive singer takes that giant tattooed arm and puts it to good use on the guy’s neck.

I’m all for chivalry, but couldn’t Minnillo have defended herself? We all know she’s got mad skills in the weapons department.

Tara Gets Hot While Brit Malfunctions

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Blink quickly while looking at these photos [NSFW] and you may think you’re looking at Tara Reid at her worst: a sloppy, wrinkled dress, cup in hand, cheap nineties headscarf and a good ol’ classic nipple slip. But blink again and you realize – it’s not Tara at all! It’s our friend, the lover of all things trashtastic, Britney Spears. She’s at it again, mortifying her sons one boob shot at a time. But hey – Brit’s resourceful. The second she noticed the slippage she turned her dress around to combat it. Wow. Is it possible for someone to be a dumb genius?

Meanwhile, Tara has cleaned up her act in a major way. Perhaps she’s gonna make a pass at Paris in 2 weeks and attempt to reconcile their lost friendship. Or maybe she was just sick of looking like that crazy neighborhood drunk who’s always getting arrested for peeing in public. Either way, she looks REALLY GOOD. Maybe even too good?

More hot pics of Tara under the jump!

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Jamie Lee Curtis vs. Hollywood Moms

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Everyone’s got an opinion these days on Paris, Lindsay and Britney and their poor choices, bad behavior and fugly fake tans. Now actress Jamie Lee Curtis (you know – Halloween, True Lies) is so outraged about the downward spiral of Young Hollywood that she’s started writing about it, joining stars like Rosie and Alanis ex Ryan Reynolds in the blogosphere.

Wow. Is there anything these superhuman celebs can’t do (like, maybe, shut up)?

Jamie Lee’s debut blog post digs right into the Lindsay-Paris-Britney trifecta of
disaster, describing the three starlets as, "talented, beautiful and spectacular" (really?) before noting that their "sad paths…have ended in prison, rehab and mental illness." She forgot to mention horrible hairdos, but I’ll let that slide.

More words of wisdom from Jamie Lee Curtis, after the jump!

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John in Hairspray: Travolting?

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John Travolta’s turn as Edna Turnblad in the upcoming remake of Hairspray, a role originated by departed gay icon Divine, has at least one prominent gay man fuming. Says Kevin Naff of the gay paper the Washington Blade:

"Travolta, a prominent Scientologist, has no business reprising an iconic gay role, given his [religion's] stance on gay issues. It’s well known that Scientology rejects gays and lesbians as members and even operates reparative therapy clinics to ‘cure’ homosexuality."

Of course, there have always been rumors that Travolta took up Scientology for that very reason: to "cure" his rumored gayness. Maybe putting on a dress and acting like a woman for an entire film is just another adventure in reparative therapy for John? [MSNBC]

Tuesday: Adam Levine Loves The Ladies; Jen’s Sexy Sleep Over

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Owen Owen Pedals To Strip Joint
Kate Hudson’s ex booked it on his bike to visit the ladies of Scores West Side in NYC, stashing his wheels in the dancers’ dressing room as he took in some lap dances. [NY Post]

Maroon 5 Singer Kisses, Tells All
Adam Levine dished to Howard Stern about the Hollywood starlets he’s bedded (admitting only to Kirstin), and introduced his new 21-year old girlfriend as "the hottest girl in the entire f-ing universe." [Us Weekly]

Kelly: Doesn’t Want Kids or a Man
In a new interview in Elle, Clarkson admits that she "shouldn’t be a mother" and says she’s "not keen on marriage." She just wants to rock! [Us Weekly]

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T-Pain on Britney: Snaps Up

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TpainluvsbritThe always-fascinating junior-high dropout T-Pain recently worked with Britney Spears and characterizes the experience as "the most beautiful thing in the world." More beautiful than a stripper climbing a pole? For real?

In addition to gushing about their work together, T-Pain has some words regarding the media-bashing Brit has endured in recent months. Says T:

"You can’t hate Britney Spears because you know what, no matter what Britney Spears been doing, she’s still on TV."

See, I thought that her being on TV meant I could hate her blindly out of jealousy, without even thinking about it. Thanks for clearing that up, Teddy Penderazdoun! With this reveal of insight, T-Pain officially becomes a rapper ternt sanga ternt cultural critic. A natural progression, no doubt! [AP/Yahoo! Music / Image: Getty]

Justin and Cam Smile To Hide the Pain

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Former lovers Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have been on a seemingly unending media blitz to promote Shrek the Third, in which both of their voices appear. Let this be a lesson to Hollywood honeys near and far: making a movie with the person you’re doing is as much of a life sentence as making a baby. If you break up, you have to share custody of the thing. The pained expression of Justin’s face in the shot above basically says it all.

Not that Cameron officially minds. When asked about promoting the film with her former pleasure-giver, Cam said, "He’s been great and we’ve been working so hard together to promote this film." Great? Great?!? Here’s a list of other words Cam could have used to describe working with Justin: "cool," "good," "groovy," "neat-o," "outtasight," "hunky-dory," and "gangsta." In other words: don’t go out of your way to convince us Cam.

After the jump are more shots of Cam and Justin having a "great" time at yesterday’s Shrek the Third premiere in England. [People / All images: Getty]

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Courtney Hires Kurt Doppelganger

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Love Courtney Love isn’t an equal opportunity employer. Turns out if you resemble her deceased husband Kurt Cobain, you have a good chance at being in her new band. In a blog post on her website, Courtney admitted to hiring on a touring guitarist solely based on looks: "I’ll admit it, I really hired him because he looks like Kurt…He didn’t kill me, but he swore if I gave him a week he’d learn everything. He’s blonde and soooooooo beautiful and his guitar playing is great." Love’s keeping tight-lipped about her long overdue return, but did allude to a secret show in London on her 43rd birthday, as well as shows later this summer in L.A.

Prisonbreak Party for Paris

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Rick Hilton is planning a party for his precious Paris upon her release from jail in (count them!) 14 days. The devoted dad has been shopping his plan around to various locations in Sin City, asking that flights and accommodations be taken care of by the venue, as well as an additional fee of $50,000. That’s right – he’d pocket the cash. It’s no wonder Al Sharpton is all p*ssed off about stars receiving special treatment – these crazy celebufamilies
get loads of cash just to go get drunk (and NOT drive) in Vegas.

Hilton’s pops should seriously consider donating some of that dough to LA County. It’s apparently costing them over $1000 a day to keep his baby girl locked up, as opposed to the daily $100 us regular criminals drain from taxpayers.

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