Prisonbreak Party for Paris

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Rick Hilton is planning a party for his precious Paris upon her release from jail in (count them!) 14 days. The devoted dad has been shopping his plan around to various locations in Sin City, asking that flights and accommodations be taken care of by the venue, as well as an additional fee of $50,000. That’s right – he’d pocket the cash. It’s no wonder Al Sharpton is all p*ssed off about stars receiving special treatment – these crazy celebufamilies
get loads of cash just to go get drunk (and NOT drive) in Vegas.

Hilton’s pops should seriously consider donating some of that dough to LA County. It’s apparently costing them over $1000 a day to keep his baby girl locked up, as opposed to the daily $100 us regular criminals drain from taxpayers.

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Kanye West Dissed by Birthday Cake

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Kanye Everyone’s favorite College Dropout had a birthday last week, and the celebs were out in full force to celebrate. Jay-Z, Diddy and Mariah all came out to pay Kanye their respects on his 30th at the Louis Vuitton flagship in New York, even if the caterers didn’t feel compelled to — apparently the Great One’s name was spelled incorrectly on the cake, as "Kayne." Also in attendance were Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz, who had earlier joked to VH1.com he was getting Kanye a knock-off Louis Vuitton bag for his birthday. Noticeably absent? Ye’s hip-hop hall pass buddy John Mayer. Their harpsichord-laced track "Bittersweet" leaked last week. A pre-Jessica John fills in the funny on the making of the first single off Kanye’s latest. 

Is Whoopi the New Rosie?

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That’s what the word on the Internet street is.  According to Star, the Oscar winner will be hopping into Rosie’s spot on The View with a year-to-year contract. Interestingly enough, this is the same kind of deal ABC execs did not offer O’Donnell, a move which set her resignation into motion. Aside from already having the funny and sassy thing down, Whoopi is a good fit, says one insider, because, "She also is liberal and outspoken but not crazy like Rosie was."

Not yet, anyway! Sitting around a table and sipping water out of a mug with your own face on it while discussing the sex lives of fifty-year old women would probably make anyone a little nuts.

Right Elisabeth?

Brit’s Mom Back in the Picture

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It looks like Britney really is trying to get her life back in order, starting with a reconciliation with her mom Lynne.  The two recently met for an hour at a massive Bel Air mansion (the Spears women are too good for Starbucks) accompanied by Brit’s bodyguards, little sister Jamie-Lynn, and J-L’s boyfriend, who added some much needed testosterone to the presumably emotional bunch.

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Claymates Be Crazy!

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Things got so heated on the message board of Clay Aiken‘s fan-made web presence, Clayonline.com, that the discussion area has been shut down. Apparently the seven-year old girls and lonely middle-aged women who frequent the site started throwing virtual punches in an argument debating their Idol’s sexual orientation. A source says, "The war is between the batty members that are still clinging to their
heterosexual fantasies of him and others that don’t harbor such
illusions."

This sounds better than The Sopranos finale – I can see the virtual blood splatters now!

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Christina & Her Candyman: Babyville?

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Following a trend that is as big with celebs as vintage Ray Bans and high-waisted shorts, Christina Aguilera has (possibly) jumped aboard the baby mama bandwagon.
The once "Dirrrty" pop star was recently spotted at the Maternal Fetal Medicine Association in NYC, an organization "known for their expertise in high-risk pregnancies and state-of-the-art ultrasounds." If that’s not proof enough, she was later seen walking through a crowd of paparazzi holding her stomach! The stomach hold!? That’s a classic Hollywood giveaway – obviously that means she’s packin’ a baby in there.

I can’t wait to see what Britney gets Christina when her baby’s born. Aguilera sent her a luxurious gift basket when Sean Preston popped out, so the always classy and generous Brit will probably reciprocate with two three big bags of Cheetos. 

Madonna’s Secret JFK Jr. Sex — Not

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Maddonnnnna In the forthcoming American Legacy, a new book about the sadly deceased JFK Jr., one of the scion’s friends from university told the author about an evening the Kennedy shared with Madonna in 1988. Apparently the two were at a fleabag Chicago hotel for a “secret rendezvous” (that’s how The New York Post puts it, anyway), when they realized they didn’t have protection. No glove, no love. Because both were so famous — and because both were also very much attached to significant others, Madonna to Sean Penn — they couldn’t just go to the Duane Reade and buy a pack of condoms. This was back when famous people knew what shame was. Doesn’t celebrity suck?

Mariah Carey’s Face Is Weird

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Mariah Carey hadn’t been photographed for almost four months until she attended last week’s Fresh Air Fund Salute To American Heroes gala in New York. Mariah reemerged from recording in Anguilla looking tired (island life is waaaay stressful!). But looking tired is an upgrade from the last time she was photographed, in February, when she just looked sort of…odd. But that was an improvement on the time before it (November ’06), when Mariah’s face looked like a creepy, strategic arrangement of pin cushions.

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See, the thing about Mariah’s face is that it looks different every time you see it. If I had to take a guess as to why Mariah’s face sometimes looks normal (albeit full of cheekbones) and sometimes looks like marshmallows in a microwave, I’d chalk it up to Restalyne, the anti-aging injections that fight wrinkles and often result in swollen faces. Looks like Mariah’s due for another injection!

You can’t blame her for trying to fight age (she’s a product of youth-obsessed culture), but if at 37, she’s already altering her face, one thing is for certain: she’s going to be a crazy-looking old lady one day. Lindsay Lohan and I can’t wait!

More shots of Mariah’s sleepy face and bangin’ bod at the Fresh Air Fund gala are after the jump…

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Paris Finds God, Contemplates Repenting

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Mother_parisParis Hilton called Barbara Walters (collect!) from jail Sunday and Babs gleefully shared their conversation on today’s episode of The View. The most startling revelation? Paris’ whopping nine days in the clink have provided enough time for her to find God. "My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen, and that is why I was sent to jail. God has released me," Paris said via Barbara. Apparently "DUI" stands for "divine uberbitch intervention." Paris has been reading the Bible and pseudo-spiritual texts like The Secret and The Power of Now. According to Barbara, "she did not complain, she did not whine," during their Sunday-afternoon chat, and she said that the guards are "fair" and her fellow inmates have been friendly.

But wait, there’s more!

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