Blog Best-Of: Simpson’s Suckage


jessicasimp_links2.jpgJessica Simpson‘s Working Girl remake Blonde Ambition will reportedly go straight-to-DVD. They should change the title to This Ain’t Working, Girl. [Dlisted]

- Kimberly Stewart reportedly plays a practical joke on Diddy by stealing his yacht. She could have played and easier and infinitely more hilarious practical joke by simply complimenting his music. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Drew Carey greets his Price Is Right audience with a single, “F***.” Hey, an F-bomb is one way to get that Plinko chip going. [Best Week Ever]

- Lil’ Kim rocks a “Leave Lindsay A-Lohan” shirt. The back of Kim’s is personalized, though – it reads, “Pay attention to me, instead!” [Popbytes]

- Kate Beckinsale wows the geeks at ComicCon. This year’s theme? Erections of Fury. [CityRag]

[Image credit: Getty]

Diddy and Penelope: St. Tropez Sleepover


penelope.jpgA bunch of celebrities are down in St. Tropez causing trouble, and man-hopping Penelope Cruz seems to be at the heart of it all. First, the sexy Spanish actress (who apparently needs to cool down her hotness with a fan) was spotted holding hands with the very married Bono. The U2 singer’s wife quickly swooped in, and the rocker’s boat took off from the French Riviera shortly after her arrival . But Penelope stayed behind and was later spotted with Diddy on his yacht, headed toward his bedroom. She then showed up the next day with the rap mogul at the Nikki Beach Club, in the same dress as she had been wearing the night before. Penelope Cruz is doing the walk club-hop of shame! Stars, they really are just like us. [NY Daily News, PopSugar. Image: Getty]

Get Ready to Make Whoopi


whoopi080107.jpgJust like Nicole’s baby, another obviously true rumor is finally official. Whoopi Goldberg is the new moderator/co-host of The View. Rosie who? The announcement was followed by a big lovefest amongst the new quartet of BFFs, with Elisabeth and Joy cooing over Whoopi’s arrival. Apparently Babs had also wanted to announce Sherri Shepherd as the fifth chat-lady, but her contract negotiations fell through when ABC was not willing to pay her $2 million, which is reportedly what Whoopi will earn for one year. Sherri could still join the group, but ABC is also checking out other options. How about Michael Lohan?

Check out video of the big announcement here!
[Us Weekly, In Touch. Image: Getty]

VH1 Exclusive: D*ck Out of the Box


If you can’t wait for Friday’s release of Hot Rod, you’re not the only one. Interweb impresario and current Saturday Night Live funnyman Andy Samberg is right there with you. When VH1 News caught up with Mr. “Lazy Sunday,” he explained why, exactly, he was looking forward to the release of the film: Because it would help him get girls. So it goes, people.

Beyoncé Loves the Ladies



Beyoncé apparently is a big fan of females. She likes ‘em so much, that she only auditioned and hired ladies for her current world tour. “I grew up in a house with so many women,” the singer told the Associated Press. “I love being around women, I love being around talented women and supportive women.”

But do you really B? What about that Umbrella-sharing songstress, Rihanna? Those rumors of her getting cozy with your man Jay-Z just haven’t let up. You know, like rain.

For a a remix of stage falls featuring ladies Beyoncé does like, including herself, check out this video. [People. Image: Getty]

More Tools for Trashy Parenting


Today’s news of Britney’s Dorito-filled, ice cream-soothing, Coke-through-nipple parenting tickled the trash fiend in me. But really, why should she stop there? Is Britney trash or is she traaaaaaaaaaaash? If she wants to keep her reputation, she’ll listen to our advice and implement the following tools and products guaranteed to raise a toddler good. Who knows? Maybe they’ll come out like her!

For example, when the kids want to be fed but are too lazy to chew solid food, I suggest:

Because nothin’ says lovin’ like Velveeta.

Many more after the jump…

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Hottie of the Week: Isla Fisher


Photo_20x9_1 All Isla Pics

Isla Fisher is the pregnant bride-to-be of British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, but let us be the first to say that he’s getting away with something. The red-headed beauty is the female lead in Hot Rod (which has our nomination, besides Knocked Up, as being the summer’s other funniest movie), which is all the more remarkable because of her upbringing. Fisher is the daughter of Scottish parents, but she was born in Oman, raised in Australia and currently lives in England. And despite how Hot Rod‘s funnymen might make her look, there’s not a white-trash bone in her body. That’s just one of the reasons why she’s our Hottie of the Week.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Xtina


XtinaIf a group of ultra-religious, fornicatin’ hatin’ Baptists are to be believed, God hates Christina Aguilera. Following a recent spate of cancelled concert appearances due to a reported throat infection, Baptists for Brownbackhave explainedthat “thanks to the majesty and power of God, the blaring megaphone of [Christina Aguilera]‘s sexual terrorism has been muffled.” Turns out that in between getting thanked by our nation’s hip-hop artists, God found the time to listen to Aguilera’s back catalog (sample lyric: “Put your icing in [her] cake” from 2006′s “Naughty, Nasty Boy”) and decided to smite the Monroe doppelganger.
So wait a second. You mean to tell me God hates Christina, but he gives Madonna a free pass?

Nicole Confirms It: She’s Pregnant!


nicolepregs080107-copy.jpgBig surprise! Nicole has made it official, telling ABC’s Diane Sawyer in an interview that she is four months pregnant with boyfriend Joel Madden‘s baby. Add that to the list of “Very Obvious Things The World Already Knew.” You know, like:

  • Today is August 1st.
  • It is Summer.
  • Lindsay Lohan‘s new movie is bad.
  • No one listens to Good Charlotte anymore.

Nicole also pledged remorse for her recent DUI that has landed her with three days of jail time to serve. She told Sawyer, “I have a responsibility and it’s something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person that has lost a loved one from drunk driving I would. And unfortunately I can’t, but this is my way of paying my dues and taking responsibility and being an adult.”

Guess there’s no better time than the present to learn about responsibility and being an adult. Er, especially when you’ll be a mom in five months. But seriously, CONGRATULATIONS! [Image: Getty]

Wednesday: Paris Moves Out and On; Lindsay’s Bodyguard Turns Down Cash for Secrets


paris80107.jpgParis To Sell Home, Stripper Pole
Perhaps looking for a fresh start, Paris has put her Hollywood Hills home up for sale for $4.25 million. The stripper pole and the monkey cage come at an extra charge. [A Socialite's Life]

Angelina Loses Battle Over Baby Name
The actress tried to sue a perfume maker who wanted to name a scent Shiloh, coincidentally the same name as her youngest daughter. Angie may win most battles (rightJen Aniston?) but she lost this one, and the case has been dropped. [DListed]

Brit: Threatened to Kill Photog?
Two paparazzi have come forward to accuse the star of verbally threatening them. Brit allegedly yelled, “I’m gonna kill you!” She forgot to mention it’d be by forcing them to listen to her music. [Us Magazine]

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