Lauryn Hill delivers her best performance since the 1999 Grammy Awards (remember when she actually made good music?) in a video recently uploaded to YouTube, and she doesn’t sing a note. For almost 15 minutes Lauryn, who’s rocking a bag-lady-does-Oprah look, mugs (see above), uses the phrase “Western paradigm,” and rambles about her career and fame. She does this all in a borderline belligerent manner that totally reminds me of a pre-zonked Whitney Houston, Newport-nasty voice and all. Oh, and adding to the weirdness, the interviewer facilitating Lauryn’s chatter is none other than the sister of Technotronic rapper Ya Kid K. I know! Lauryn, it would seem, is at the tipping point and it’s freakin’ genius. It’s soooooo good to have her back.
Watch the video and read some of the best, most self-important quotes from it after the jump:
If the Darth Vader remix of “Chocolate Rain” didn’t take it to the level you like, Mr John Mayer and Mr. Sharrod Small have an update. The guys bust the quacky InterWeb hit out of Tay Zonday‘s basso profundo register and put a little falsetto on it. Good clean fun. Though we’re still not sure that we forgive Mayer for his equestrian romancing (scroll down past Alicia).
Time for Eddie Murphy to watch his back! His ex-wife Nicole and ex-girlfriend Melanie Brown just happened to have a lunch date with each other yesterday at the most photographed celeb hangout in LA – The Ivy. In what was surely a calculated move, the babymamas brought along Zahra, Eddie’s youngest daughter from his first marriage, and Angel, his baby daughter with the Spice Girl. The meet and greet and eat came just a day after Mel and her lawyer announced that they were suing Eddie’s butt for some child support cash. It’s serious business when the exes join forces to gang up on a former flame, so Eddie better look out. There’s no underestimating the strength of GIRL POWER! [People. Images: Getty]
In the August issue of Sister 2 Sister, (aka, the best magazine evarrrrr!) 50 Cent touches on his years-old beef with Lil’ Kim. He clears the air about as well as an AK-47, first proclaiming that there isn’t any beef and then proceeding to insult her. He’s always into something! Says Fiddy:
“I don’t have beef with her. She just had bad people around her. I think when a woman presents herself as a woman, she deserves special treatment. And then when she get beside — when it’s, ‘F*** that!’ then it gets different. Then I start feeling like she’s a man. So she gets the same treatment that you would treat a guy that was being disrespectful.“
50 never reveals exactly what that “treatment” is, and interviewtrix Jamie Foster Brown doesn’t ask. Maybe she was too scared to? [Sister 2 Sister / Image credit: Getty]
Apparently Tim McGraw has got that “special something” that drives fans to totally violate his personal space. Earlier this week video surfaced of a lady-fan grabbing his junk (followed by a serious verbal beatdown from his wife Faith Hill), and now there’s a new clip of an audience member accidentally grabbing a ring off his hand during a concert. Tim, like his wife, doesn’t stand for it, and stops singing to continuously demand his jewels back. Maybe McGraw needs to put up some sort of barrier between himself and the audience when he performs – that’ll give Faith some time to teach ‘em all about class!
Every week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: El Cantante is the story of Hector Lavoe, the king of salsa, brought to the big screen by real-life married couple Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. You’d think, seeing how they’re married, there’d be some chemistry on screen. But no, apparently chemistry costs too much.
“Four years ago, Jennifer Lopez paired up to star in a film with then-boyfriend Ben Affleck, and the result was the famously incompetent Gigli. Apparently she didn’t learn her lesson back then.” — The Newark Star Ledger
“Worse . . . Jennifer Lopez tries to make the film about her; miscast as Lavoe’s missus, Puchi, Lopez hides behind aging makeup that makes her look like Bebe Neuwirth.” — The Village Voice
In last night’s installment of I Hate My 30s, things went to hell in a handbasket when Mandy was invited to one of her former sorority sisters’ wedding — and didn’t have a date. She’s a free-spirit, seemingly immune to the yearning felt by colleagues like Carol. (In case you didn’t see last week’s episode, Carol started to worry her eggs would dry up and fall out of her like fossilized dinosaur eggs. You had to be there.)In order to save face, Mandy asked Kyle, the office’s perpetually positive postal person (read: mail jockey), to join her. Kyle’s platonic roommate Katie, however, is an obsessive type, and quickly became jealous. Hilarity ensued. We thought it would be good to check in with Mandy and Kyle to get their take on love and life after 30. Interviews follow the jump.
Pics: Rihanna heats up Maxim Cover
You might need an umbrella to shade yourself from the hotness of these new Rihanna pics, taken for the German issue of Maxim. [Just Jared]
Nicole: Headed to Paris’ Jailhouse
The Lynwood Jail is just like Chateau Marmont – full of celebs who have done naughty things! It’s a good thing Paris and Nicole are used to sharing everything – clothes, boys, and now jail cells. [NY Daily News]
Jessica Simpson Can’t Get a Date
Even though she has the hot blond thing down, Jessica Simpson can’t find a date and is turning to a professional matchmaker for help. Somewhere Nick and Vanessa are laughing. [Life and Style]
Wow. This week’s covers of Life & Style and Us Weekly are practically identical. Who knew Sean and Jayden were old enough to say “Mama,” much less command help? And just what are the tots so upset about? According to US, Britney shoves bottles of juice in her babies’ mouths, causing some major teeth yellowin’. Brit’s solution? A source alleges that the pop star, “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!”
Life & Style’s report is no better. Apparently Brit chain smokes in front of her boys, and “when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’” says a source. “Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.”
Give these kids to K-Fed! Hell, give them to that other dude Britney married in Vegas back in 2004. Brit’s not yet a girl, a woman, or a good mother. These two boys are gonna be the Nick and Aaron Carters of 2025, complete with tribal arm band tattoos and a reality TV show. Thanks Mommy! [Images: Us Weekly, Life & Style]
Lots of imagination is going into submissions for The Score, our contest to find a track that will become the theme music for this year’s Hip Hop Honors show. Like we figured, there are plenty of beatmeisters out there with cool ideas. Turns out that it’s all about variety.
ARS631, a dude from Queens, NY, has got the evil church organ thingee in “Shut Up.
Danny from Savannah, GA is going dreamy on “What Now.”
Rendaheatmonsta, a NoCal knob-twirler, kicks it electro stylee with “House of Rave.”
DJSAT gets his symphony on with the string-centric vibe of “Classical Beat.”
HeavyComponent (“Brooklyn all day every day”) goes for ominous street stuff on his “Gangsta and Simple.”
Have you been drilling down through the entries? What other producers have got you nodding? What other producers have dropped some odd sounds? Which submissions should we all be listening to?