Papa Simpson: Still Rockin’ the Creepiness


jessicadad073007.jpgCheck out this quote from Jessica Simpson‘s dad and get ready for your skin to crawl a wee bit. He tells People that the strangest role his daughter was ever offered “was for Jessica to [play] a porn star,” he told the mag. “We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I was like, ‘Eh, we’ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.’ ”

Isn’t Jessica kinda of porn star-ish already? Okay, okay, she’s not having sex on film, but remember that car washing video for “These Boots Were Made for Walking?” There’s something about dry humping a vintage Dodge Charger in a bikini with soap suds dripping everywhere that feels just a little dirrrty. As for winning an Oscar – don’t stop believing Papa Joe. It could definitely, possibly, maybe happen. Just probably not with her latest potential bomb. But surely that “little man” statue that Joe bought will make Jess feel all better about her crappy career picks! [People/ Image: Getty]

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Oh Yes They Did: Monday’s Reviews Rage


Lindsay Lohan in better days.Although this is cruel and unusual and probably qualifies as an editorial instance of kicking a blind and sleeping three-legged dog with steel-toed boots, the following is a reviews round-up of Lindsay Lohan’s I Know Who Killed Me. Every week at VH1.comwe round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. Usually we do this on Fridays. But since I Know Who Killed Me wasn’t screened for critics–wise choice, as it turns out–we waited until Monday to deliver the news. Very few movies can claim to have been so brutally excoriated by the press, but that’s one area where Ms. Lohan’s latest vehicle succeeds admirably.

I Know Who Killed Me: Dead on arrival. Bomb hasn’t got a leg to stand on.” — The New York Post

“Hopelessly muddled plot about a maimed young woman who may be a delusional escapee from a serial killer’s dungeon (think “Captivity” meets “Kiss the Girls”). Pic might possibly benefit, B.O.-wise, from tabloid coverage of Lohan’s ongoing travails. But, then again, probably not.” — Variety

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Usher Unravels, Cancels Wedding


usher07307.jpgThere’s trouble in Usher’s paradise, as his much-hyped weekend wedding to Tameka Foster was canceled last minute on Saturday. His rep released an official statement revealing only that the nuptials were off, but rumors are rampant that the cancellation stemmed from a variety of drama. Usher’s mother Jonetta, who didn’t make the guest list, was vehemently against the wedding and may have convinced her son to call it off. Another battle for the couple was over what food to serve at their shindig. A source tells People that the pair, “had a lot of differences about the details. For example, the bride wanted barbeque, [and] he wanted to have [renowned chef] Jean Georges cook.”

Wow. If two people can break up that easy over food, imagine what kind of mess they’d be in with a kid?! Oh wait – Tameka and Usher are expecting a baby this fall. Yikes! Usher is now apparently home in Atlanta attempting to make peace with his estranged mother. “The reason he called off the ceremony is that he couldn’t go through with it without Jonetta,” said a NY Daily News spy. “He had an eleventh-hour epiphany.”

Or maybe he just realized that he really hates pulled pork and ribs.

What’s up with this guy?

[People, NY Daily News/ Image: Getty]

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Monday: Janet and Mariah Compete; Justin and Jessica Canoodle



Album Wars: Janet vs. Mariah
Uber-producer Jermaine Dupri is pitting Mariah Carey’s upcoming album against his girl Janet’s brand new joint, in hopes that the pseudo-competition will boost buzz and sales for both divas. JD’s producing Mimi’s new record too – isn’t Ms. Jackson a little jealous? [Mollygood]

Nicole & Joel: Fighting in Public
The dad-to-be reportedly unleashed his temper on his tiny lady friend, dropping a few F-bombs while the starlet stayed silent. Let’s hope they make peace before the baby arrives. [Star Magazine]

Super-sick Christina Cancels Gig
The little lady with the big voice had to cancel some stops on her latest tour to rest in bed with a bad case of the flu. [People]
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