If you thought Michael Jackson fighting with Debbie Rowe over "his" decidedly Caucasian children was crazy, you were underestimating the power of wacko. Though that case settled in September, a British woman repeatedly has attempted to stir things up: Nona Paris Lola Jackson claims to be the real mother of Jacko’s kids and filed a motion in October seeking a role in the settlement. So now Rowe’s maternity is being questioned? Damn ovaries, always getting mixed up and switched around and being "fertilized" by Michael Jackson’s "sperm."
Nona’s motion was denied in November and again on Thursday because she hasn’t proved credible evidence that she’s the children’s birth mother. Also, probably because she’s crazy: via telephone, she asked a court on Thursday, TV-movie style, "Is Mr. Jackson denying I’m the mother of the children? What is he saying about my children?" She also has claimed that, "Michael and I are a sexually active couple and have been this way from the beginning." If that’s false it’s insane, if that’s true, it’s insane and nauseating. Finally, Nona claims to have written 3,000 songs for Michael. These include but are not limited to: "The Doggone Kids Are Mine," "Man in the Mirror, Give Me My Child-Support Check," "Off the Wall (No, Really)," "Dangerous (Mentally)" and "The Chair, Too, Is My Son."
Finally, a real live decision for the dead Anna Nicole: her body is set to be buried in the Bahamas. The guardian of Anna Nicole’s daughter Dannielynn Hope, who was awarded the power to decide what would happen with Anna Nicole’s body, announced his decision soon after the court ruling. Upon hearing the news, the tear ducts of the gentle Judge Larry Seidlin went on strike.
Not that the case is near over: a paternity hearing set for Friday, in which Anna Nicole’s ex Larry Birkhead and lawyer/"boyfriend" Howard K. Stern were set to go head-to-head, looks like it will end unresolved. Circuit Judge Lawrence Korda doubted he could even rule on the case: "This child is in the Bahamas. The jurisdiction is in the Bahamas." God, Korda, just take a stance and judge. That’s what everyone else has been doing for the past two weeks. Get with the program.
Update: As expected, the case is moving to the Bahamas.
In a savvier marketing move than the ill-conceived American Idol Moments perfume, the producers of the television show are starting an Idol summer camp, aimed at 12-15 year-old children, and will allegedly impart the secrets of becoming the next American Idol. Former Idols and celebrities are expected to drop into classes. In addition to classes such as "Auditioning Techniques" and "Not Crying When Simon Looks At You," the camp will serve as a hybrid, integrating those activities with typical summer camp experiences such as swimming and playing sports.
The ten-day program will accept 700 applicants, who will be judged on "enthusiasm, dedication, a desire to perform and a passion for the arts," and cost $2,900. But really, you can’t put a price on the ten-day reprieve from wedgies and cat calls of "theater dork."
Five things I learned from Ciara’s new "Like a Boy" video that I kinda already knew (click for screen shots):
- Symbolism isn’t dead. A throne = patriarchy, an open-legged slouch = masculinity and a wifebeater = well, a wife beater, probably.
- If you want to be like a boy, start grabbing your crotch a lot.
- …Or, you could just wear a suit and braid your hair in rows that evoke Queen Latifah’s character in Set It Off. Butch chic lives!
- Ladies: mount up. There’s strength in numbers. In a group, every time you move, you make a women’s movement.
- Ciara’s stylist deserves an award. For a girl whose resemblance to Wanda Sykes repeatedly has been pointed out by one of the most perceptive bloggers on the planet, she’s been looking smoking lately. That’s the biggest thing to take away from this video. If that seems to go against the song’s anti-sexist stance, blame Ciara’s bangin’ bod, not me.
["Like a Boy" video was first spotted here.]
- Hilary Swank, didn’t The Black Dahlia prove that “sexy” just isn’t your thing? [Just Jared]
- Britney’s extended meltdown continued right up to her third stint in rehab. In this chapter, Brit goes head-to-bald head with a car…and maybe loses. [Dlisted]
- Serena Williams’ eyebrows need a good talking-to. They think they run her face! [Crunk & Disorderly]
- Hope for the future: Christina Aguilera is not pregnant. [The Superficial]
- If Janet Jackson’s breasts weren’t bolted on, they’d be flopping out all over the place, right? [Egotastic!]
- The only thing that could make celebrities more twisted than they already are is Photoshop. [CityRag]
The legal battle over the body of Anna Nicole Smith has come to an end. The decision on where she’ll be buried has been awarded to attorney Richard Milstein, the legal guardian of Anna’s 5-month-old orphan, Dannielynn. The ruling is seen as a compromise, since the decision went to neither Anna Nicole’s mother, Virgie Arthur, nor her attorney/"boyfriend" Howard K. Stern. Judge Larry Seidlin suggested that Anna Nicole be buried in the Bahamas with her son, Daniel. As he read his decision, he wept openly and often (watch the video here). Awww. It’s always sad when things come to an end, isn’t it?
‘Housewives’ Star Cross, 44, Has Twins
Marcia Cross and husband Tom Mahoney welcome fraternal twin daughters into the family. [msn]
Blogger Perez Sued Over Topless Aniston Pic
Universal has a boob, er, bone to pick with Perez Hilton. [eonline]
Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz Disses Ashlee Simpson
“Maybe in a different universe, we’d be some hot couple, but not in this one.” Read what else the front man had to say about his former flame. [nypost]
Where Will Anna’s Body Go?
Judge sets Friday deadline to decide. [fox]
Michael Jackson Hearts Prince
The King of Pop wants to be Prince. [fox]
Right now, no TV show has more hip-hop cred than HBO’s "The Wire". And rightfully so. The ultra-gritty series is a terrifyingly realistic portrayal of the drug trade in Baltimore — a.k.a., "Bodymore, Murderland" — and does a phenomenal job of humanizing the pushers and cops who do battle on a daily basis. It’s pretty much Scarface set in the streets of modern-day "Bawlmer", meaning it’ll suck you in quicker than a line lost to Tony Montana’s right nostril.
Looking to pinch off the show’s stash, G-Unit’s Tony Yayo has one of the show’s more memorable characters — the nail-gun-toting hit-gal "Snoop" (Felicia Pearson) — guesting on the song and video (watch it here) for "It’s a Stickup". My take? Tip of the cap (fitted New Era O’s lid, if you don’ mind, hon’) to Yayo and Pearson for rising from the hardscrabble streets of Queens and Baltimore, respectively, to make it in rap and acting. But the song itself falls flat. Pearson actually doesn’t sound half-bad, but she doesn’t get enough time behind the mic, and Yayo can’t maintain the swagger he shows while ticking off his wish list of dead prezzies in the chorus. For diehard "Wire" fans only. Which means, naturally, this vid’ll get plenty of run.
Sorry, ladies. R&B heartthrob Usher (real name Usher Raymond) is spoken for. It was confirmed by sources close to the couple the infamous lothario proposed to his longtime stylist, Tameka Foster. The couple have been quietly dating for over a year. In the past, the "You Make Me Wanna" singer has been linked to supermodel Naomi Campbell and went through a rather public break-up, with accusations of cheating, with Rozonda "Chili" Thomas of TLC fame.
Curtis Taylor Jr., the money-grubbing, payola-making, two-timing record exec played by Jamie Foxx in Dreamgirls, is a work of fiction – although the character is clearly based on the life of legendary Motown founder Berry Gordy. Dreamworks and Paramount, the companies behind the film, made strides toward separating fact from fiction yesterday by taking out a full-page ad in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. The ad reads, “For any confusion that has resulted from our fictional work, we apologize to Mr. Gordy and all of the incredible people who were a part of that great legacy. It is vital that the public understand that the real Motown story has yet to be told.” Although Gordy has remained silent on the issue, some Motown stars have spoken out; Martha Reeves told The Detroit News, “That’s not my Berry Gordy,” while Smokey Robinson told Access Hollywood that the producers of Dreamgirls “owe Berry Gordy a public apology.” The public apology comes during the run-up to the Academy Awards on Sunday – surely no coincidence. For more on Gordy, click here.