Rock on TV – The Timbersnake Rides Again

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jt.jpgJonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.

Justin Timberlake: FutureSex/LoveShow, 11:30 p.m. (EST), HBO2: It’s not TV — it’s J.T. The other half of “D*ck in a Box” returns to the boob-tube in this repeat of his televised concert. Women want him and men want to be him; you can watch as the former Mickey Mouse clubber borrows liberally from Michael Jackson, Timbaland and Broadway, dicing up all his influences into a particularly delicious chopped market salad that is unlike any other salad out there today. Actually, there are other salads out there, but few of them own restaurants, dated Britney Spears and have trouble with the spacebar. FutureSex? Someone get Justin and Gwen Stefani together. They need to learn them some grammar.

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m. (EST), NBC: Jay welcomes Dane Cook, Ali Larter and LCD Soundsystem to the show tonight. Dane, of course, is in this week’s entry into the Worst Comedy of All Time, Good Luck Chuck. Ali is the star of Heroes and on the cover of this month’s Cosmo, which promises readers insights into the “blended orgasm” and secret knowledge of crazy sex acts that “he wants you to do to him there.” LCD Soundsystem is alter-ego of DFA Records honcho James Murphy. He writes shiny pop songs that like to dress up in underground credibility. But make no mistake. They are big shiny pop tunes.

Blog Best-Of: Brangelina’s Boudoir

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brangelina_bed_links.jpg- Brad Pitt says if he and Angelina Jolie have more kids, they’re going to need a bigger bed. Adopting kids is like Jaws, but scarier. [Dlisted]

- Michael Jackson reportedly spent three hours getting his hair did before a recent photo shoot. But you know that he looked SO HOT after, so it was worth it. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Mark Ronson releases the video for “Valerie” featuring an Amy Winehouse impersonator. As If anyone could possibly throw up on herself with the same panache as Amy. Really, there’s no comparison. [Popbytes]

- Sharon Stone‘s dress looks dangerously like a tampon. The better to soak up the excess Botox with? [Best Week Ever]

- Paris Hilton‘s exposed crotch scales new heights. So this must mean her career is on an upward trajectory. [CityRag]

[Image credit: Getty]

Austin City Limits Festival Report

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Eight stages. 132 bands. 65,000 fans to contend with. Set on the sweltering Texas fields of Zilker Park, making the most of the bands playing this year’s Austin City Limits Festival on a barbecue-filled stomach was no easy feat, but the chance to see My Morning Jacket (pictured), Bjork, Arcade Fire, Regina Spektor, Cold War Kids and hundreds of others was too enticing not to try. Check back tomorrow for a full report from the festival frontlines. In the meantime, check out a few facts and stats from the three-day music fest.

Best Whistler in Pop Music: Andrew Bird
Second Best Whistler in Pop Music: Sampler used by Peter, Bjorn and John
Number of Big Lebowski-Themed T-shirts (seen): 5
Band with Best Sense of Humor: My Morning Jacket
Least-Coordinated Audience: Common
Most Questionable Onstage Outfit: Ben Kweller

The Celebreality Interview – Lacey

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If you hate Lacey, the interview below will probably make you hate her even more. Regarding her time on Rock of Love as the self-appointed “puppet master,” she is, in a word, unapologetic. If you love Lacey, however, please leave your full name and phone number in the comments — I’d like to evaluate you psychologically.

Kidding! I’m sure you won’t believe it, but Lacey’s nice as can be on the phone and in person, and articulate to boot. After the jump, she talks about pre-show scheming, being compared to New York, animal rights and Heather’s allegation that she thorned Bret’s rose, if you get what I’m sayin’ (and I think that you do).

Read more…

Name Jennifer Lopez’s Baby

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jlobaby.jpgJ. Lo is supposedly knocked up with a baby or two, which means she and hubby Marc Anthony must be up all night pondering names for their little fella (or lady…or both). We’ve devoured a couple of baby naming books and are volunteering our best suggestions to the happy couple. You too can jump in and play the name game by leaving your money monikers below.

We like….

  • Baby Lo
  • Violet Affleck
  • Baby From the Block
  • Comeback
  • Gigli
  • Icey Rocks Diamonds McBling Lopez-Anthony

[DListed. Image: Getty]

The Hills: Heidi Rocks Business Suits and a Bad Attitude

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Life is so hard on The Hills, that Heidi almost can’t believe it. Even her fancy work clothes can’t hide the fact that girl is strugglin’. Poor baby. Maybe she should stopping making so many sad “Why me?” faces and suck it up. Backstabbing brings you bad karma, girlfriend! Oh – and don’t ask the intern to transfer numbers into your new phone. Every seasoned event planner – and human – knows that’s a pretty douchey thing to do. Right Elodie?

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Kid Nation = Booze Nation

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We’d be lying if we said we weren’t totally pumped for the new CBS show Kid Nation. A bunch of children – with, possibly the worst parents ever – are sent to rebuild some fake ghost town in the desert and create their own rules, government and economy. More importantly, some kind producer taught them how to act like they’re binge drinking and getting piss drunk with root beer. The result, as seen in the video above, must make their parents proud. That’s what happens when you leave your kids unsupervised, fools! [via SeriouslyOMG]

Hayden’s Fashion and Dating Faux Pas

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haydenface.jpgSo this is what happens, huh. Girl gets on a super popular TV show, turns eighteen, dumps her bland reality TV boyfriend for her co-star and shows up at the Emmys in a dress concocted out of shimmery wrapping paper. Bravo! Apparently Heroes star Hayden Panettiere is now dating her thirty-year old co-star Milo Ventimiglia. The two were not only spotted getting cuddly, but Milo was seen cutting Hayden’s meat for her at an Emmy’s dinner. His tender, fatherly ways creep up out almost as much as Hayden’s dress.

Check out pics of Hayden’s Fashion No No below. [Getty]

Britney May Lose Her Babies & Her Mind

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Things that would make any normal 25-year old twice divorced mother-of-two millionaire with crappy hair extensions go crazy:

  1. Your whale of an ex-bodyguard (who you allegedly fired when he didn’t hear you command him to retrieve a hat) coming forward to accuse you of doing drugs and prancing around naked in front of your kids (Mad props to Brit if she does both of these at the same time – that’s so “Jim Morrison cool!”)
  2. Your longtime lawyer and short-time manager quitting on the same day. Cuz your custody battles sucks as much as your career.
  3. Temporarily losing custody of your children. It’s only fun to party when they’re at the mansion with you!
  4. Being showed up by a guy in a cheap wig and control top panties (see boy Britney in the vid above) who performs your VMAs routine better than you did – and looks hotter while doing so. Ouchtastic.

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Nikki Sixx: The Heroin Diaries

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Nikki In the pantheon of rock stars, there are very few that come close to embodying the rock and roll lifestyle quite like Motley Crue‘s Nikki Sixx. He taught Tommy Lee to party, became the stuff of legend in terms of his tolerance for chemicals and came back from the dead, all while writing the hair metal soundtrack to the ’80s. In addition to those Motley albums, Sixx wrote near-daily entries in his journals, documenting his decadent and depraved lifestyle, which he only recently discovered packed away in storage. In an effort to raise money for Convenant House, a halfway house for at-risk kids and teens, Sixx has released The Heroin Diaries, jottings from journal from that debauched era (he reads from it at a series of Borders Books dates. We sat down with Sixx to find out more about his new project. Check the interview and excerpt and pics from the book below.

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