Jonesing for music on your television set? You’ve come to the right place, rockers! Check out our shortlist below. For more extensive listings, read VH1’s Rock on TV schedule daily.
Forbes 20 Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings, 6 p.m. (EST), E!: They employ evil clip-show geniuses over at E!, men and women who are hell-bent on entertaining you in 15 seconds or less, writers and producers who know how to really jiggle your ass when you’re trying to make it to 25 minutes on the treadmill even though your lungs feel like they’re filled with hot chlorine. How are you going to get over the hump, doughboy? We’ll tell you — with this clip show. Who had the most lavish nuptials? Was it Madonna and Guy Ritchie, what with their Scottish-castle-wedding? Was it Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, what with their DJ Mark Ronson? Or was it Melania Trump, who wore a $1.5 million engagement ring and a $200,000 gown? Sweat to the excess as Forbes and E! team up to make you burn 800 wedding-related calories in just under an hour.
VH1′s 2006 Hip-Hop Honors 7 p.m. (EST), VH1: Last year’s Hip-Hop Honors awards show was veritably seismic, honoring Ice Cube, the Beastie Boys, Afrika Bambaataa (pictured), Eazy-E, Russell Simmons, Rakim, MC Lyte and the Wu-Tang Clan. The show, hosted by Ice-T, was a blow-out, chock-a-block with amazing performances, fashions and memories. Thrill to the events of yesteryear, even as you get ready for this year’s shinding. The 2007 Hip-Hop Honors will be given out on October 8th, in a show hosted by 30 Rock‘s most excellent funnyman, Tracy Morgan.
2007 VH1 Hip Hop Honors Site
Given that Brady was able to simultaneously giggle like a school girl, give off serious serial killer energy and make out with a stripper, we’re naming him our Pick Up Artist of the Week. Though he wasn’t able to close on the moving target challenge, he did manage to get an exotic dancer into his limo, which is not a euphemism. He really did it! Read more…
- Christina Aguilera‘s nipples look like silver-dollar pancakes through her white dress. She isn’t rubbing her pregnancy in our faces – she’s practically lactating on us. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Barry Manilow pulls out of a planned appearance on The View because he finds Elisabeth Hasselbeck “dangerous and offensive.” C’mon, Barry – she’s sparing us from your music. How bad can she be? [Dlisted]
- Lindsay Lohan looks kinda like a hooker at rehab. Perhaps she’s preparing for the next phase of her career? [CityRag]
- Nas dances with wife Kelis at his 34th birthday party. There’s nothing smart-assed to say about this, so let’s just hate them for looking so happy, OK? [CONCRETELOOP]
- Aretha Franklin reveals that she’d like Halle Berry to play her in a biopic. What, are Eddie Murphy and his fat suit unavailable? [Crunk + Disorderly] [Image: Getty]
Paris Blows Xtina’s Baby Secret
Lindsay Goes Broke From Buying Coke
Nas Not Welcome at VT Show
The best moment of last night’s Emmy Awards goes not to a winner accepting his or her award, but to a loser accepting an award that belonged to someone else with a big ol’ bear hug. Without Steve Carell, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert bringin’ the funny, we would have had to rely solely on host Ryan Seacrest for laughs last night, which apparently turned out to be a pretty bad idea.
Emmys: The Good, The Bad and The WTFs
Emmys 2007: Arrivals Gallery
Emmys 2007: Show + After-Parties Gallery
There are those days where nothing is going right, and then there are the days when you don’t even have to try to make your dream come true. Luckily today is THAT day, for my dream of an all-male calendar of sexy Mormon missionaries posing both wholesomely and without their shits has finally come true! I challenge you to take a good hard look for yourself at the Mormons Exposed 2008 calendar (check out the video above) and not be turned on by their pecs – and their steamy philanthropic goodness!
The purpose of the calendar is to celebrate “these missionaries’ great looks and beautiful bodies, as well as the amazing stories of service of these deeply spiritual men,” and a portion of the proceeds go to charities chosen by the guys. But let’s be honest – we’re just interested in seeing a bunch of decent-looking dudes who hate swearing, smoking and booze without their shirts on. Delicious – and religious! [via TMZ]
Last week, wewere reintroduced to the joys of drunk girls. This week, Rock of Love reintroduces us to the joys of catfights.
Catfights amongst free weights, no less. This show really, really loves us.
Okay okay – we don’t want Keven Federline to be killed, but we wouldn’t mind if it he took his Britney bucks and hid out behind a rock for a few billion years. And we’re obviously not the only ones! ET is reporting that the FBI and LAPD are “investigating legitimate leads on a contract hit on Kevin Federline’s life.” Holy crap! Apparently the FBI has been trying to alert the gold-digger than there is a possibility that his life is in danger. Let’s put our investigative skills in action to figure out who could be out to snuff K-Fed – and where and how they might do the deed.
- Vanilla Ice – in the recording studio with a “Popozao” demo
- Ex #1 Shar Jackson – anywhere in front of the paparazzi with the DVD of Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
- Ex #2 Britney Spears – in a gas station bathroom with a pair of hair-cutting shears (the Cheet-flavored finger prints would give it away)
- Sean Preston and Jayden James – on the playground with the booze Mommy puts in their bottles
Watch your back dawg! [ET. Image: Getty]
K-Fed Celebrates Subpoenas in Vegas
K-Fed’s Private Dick Serves Brit Papers
K-Fed Makes His Move for the Kids
Is K-Fed The Voice of Reason?
Good’ ol bad guy OJ Simpson was arrested over the weekend for allegedly taking part in an armed robbery of sports memorabilia that he apparently believed was his own. TMZ has audio of the attack, in which you can hear someone yelling, “Think you can steal my sh*t and sell it?” The entire incident begs the question of not just what was he thinking, but also what is he thinking about in his mugshot pic?
- Man, last week’s episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm was funnnnn-ny! That Larry David gets me every time, man!
- I’m so glad I got botox last week. I’m gonna look like, 15 years younger in this pic. Now if only I could manage a full smile. Smilllllllllleeeeee – ugh. My lips won’t work.
- Damn it, I really wanted to see Ryan Seacrest host the Emmys. I wonder if they have a TV in this joint. Simpson – Out!
- I think I plucked too much in between my eyebrows this time. God damn it all to hell. I go to rob someone, and my manscaping suffers.
- Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart. Got lost in the game. Oh baby baby.
Vick Pleads Guilty, Condemns Dogfighting
Kobe Bryant is Way Richer Than You Are