Jackson Family Crap: Cooler Than Your Family Crap

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Today, the Jackson Family Auction kicks off, which means people with too much money will be able to take a little piece of the Jackson home. For the rest of us, it means that we get to virtually rummage through the Jacksons’ crap as shot after shot of the auction lots are posted online. We win! I mean, try to not gawk at this:

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What is it? Probably some film prop. Why did Michael Jackson own it? A few thousand plastic surgeries ago, it provided a model for the face MJ would come to own:

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And there’s more beauty below!

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Nicole Richie: Jerkface or Evil Genius?

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In Touch Weekly has acquired what’s said to be the email invite to Nicole Richie‘s Memorial Day Party. It rhymes and is awesome. Here it is:

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Beyond the prophetic nature of the rhyming portion (since Mischa Barton really did pass out), the highlighted section is really the genius of this invite. If this is real, Nicole Richie has a postmodern sense of her celebrity. Despite her reputation and blog gossip, Nicole Richie has always contended that she doesn’t suffer from an eating disorder. With this invite, she’s mocking the mockers — she isn’t merely laughing at herself, she’s laughing at this media-spun image of herself. Maybe she really is anorexic (I mean, look at her), but that would make the joke even more devious (for then she’s spinning her problem so hard, she’s actually aligning with her detractors).

No matter what the underlying truth is, if this email is real, Nicole Richie is a socialite who’s too smart for her own good. She’s practically a unicorn.

Bobby Brown: Lyrics Not a Prerogative

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Brown Bobby Brown‘s got a lot of things to keep straight. Years of suspected drug use, warrant-dodging and being married to one of the music’s most difficult divas can muddle a man’s mind, which is exactly what happened at his performance in Southampton at Stereo this weekend. Brown began to sing his hit  "My Prerogative" only to stop before the second verse and apologize for forgetting the words. Brown might have also been distracted by his new ladyfriend Alicia Etheridge, a longtime friend of ex Whitney‘s, who Brown was reportedly making out with in a car for 30 minutes prior to peforming. When asked whether he was seeing anyone, Brown responded: "I’m dating, so it’s not like I’m single."

Blog Best-Of: Angelina’s Anorexia?

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- Eating-disorder rumors swirl around Angelina Jolie. She’s just a product of the system: starving yourself is what you do when there are younger, much, much hungrier toothpicks nipping at your heels. That’s showbiz! [Dlisted]

- Lindsay Lohan officially checks in to rehab. Haven’t we heard this before, though? [TMZ.com]

- Mariah Carey is set to play herself in a 15-minute short movie directed by Spike Lee. Some people get bored of being themselves; those people are not Mariah Carey. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Beyoncé: “I’m a frustrated drag queen!” Wow. That one just writes itself. Erm…touché? [Bossip]

- Pam Anderson explains her infamous sex tape with Tommy Lee to her children. That right there is a rite of passage for the new millennium. It’d be a beautiful thing if it weren’t so, you know, disgusting. [A Socialite's Life]

[Image credit: Getty]

The Celebreality Interview – Schatar

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There is no sweeter sound than that of Schatar “Hottie”/”Money Banks” Taylor answering her phone: “Good evening, this is Schatar.” That’s how our interview with the Charm School cast-off kicked off and for the next 30 minutes, the most eccentric character in the Flavor of Love universe (and that’s saying a lot!) gamely answered all of our questions with her near-eerie perfect diction and even eerier politeness.

In what is, in our opinion, our wackiest and most fun Celebreality Interview yet, Schatar talks us about being treated roughly by the other girls, her weave that’s guaranteed to last up to five years, her bout with childhood blindness, her dog that’s part cat, her trendsetting tendencies, her five-octave voice, how she’s the “new image of the perfect woman” and much, much more. Get out your bicycle bells and join us after the jump…

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Britney Tells Us What We Already Knew

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Brit_2_2 Everyone’s favorite dysfunctional pop star, Britney Spears, posted a heartfelt letter to her fans (and foes) on her personal website today. The divorced mother-of-two went off on just about everything and everyone – from her former manager, to her family, to the countless times she was taken out to dinners and events, only to find out after that it was paid for with her moola. Ouch! Talk about being used. 

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Lindsay: From Sad to Worse

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Linds_rehabIf child stars are time bombs that the world gets to watch tick, Lindsay Lohan is napalm. I’m, of course, referring to Lindsay’s DUI citation that was issued Saturday morning, which came after she put the lives of others’ at risk and crashed into an innocent tree. That tree did nothing, nothing, to deserve such treatment!

Splash News has video of the events leading up to and following the crash. Lest you be jealous of the Hollywood lifestyle, apparently it involves lots of…driving around, walking in and out of buildings and acting frantic. How sophisticated!

But that was only the start of the wild ride that was Lindsay’s Memorial Day weekend…

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Hottie of the Week: Captivating Kiera

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Few women walk the plank as provocatively as Kiera Knightley. Friday’s arrival of the latest Pirates of the Caribbean flick put the actress in our minds again – some of those costumes bring out a certain erotic flavor. It’s said that Kiera’s also being pitched a role as Princess Diana herself. We always knew some royals were lookers. Here’s a glimpse at Knightley’s many styles. 

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Photos: Kiera Knightley

Tuesday: MTV Preps for Diaz, Biel Catfight

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MTV Preps for Diaz, Biel Catfight
Cam blew up on Timberlake after she spied him flirting with his now-girlfriend Biel at the Golden Globes. Now, MTV is trying to avert a throwdown at its Movie Awards. [NY Post]

Mischa Barton Rushed to Hospital
The star suffered a bad reaction to her medication after drinking at a Memorial Day party — nothing some fresh and pure Orange County air can’t cure. [Yahoo!]

Are Jessica and John Addicted to Make-Up Sex?
Exclusive pics show the two fighting during a Mexican getaway and then Simpson weeping alone in her bathroom towel. Does this spell the end of Johnica? Or are the two just addicted to make-up sex? [FlynetOnline.com]

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