Jon Bon Jovi says that he and his band expend the same energy whether they’re playing for 500 people or 5000 people, but there really was something special going on the room when they recorded the intimate show that heralds the return of the famed Unplugged franchise. A couple weeks ago in Brooklyn, the Jersey boys smoked their way through a handful of classic tunes and the cream of their new Lost Highway disc. The Jovi zealots who were whooping it up in the cozy soundstage made it clear that they preferred the 500 person situation rather than its counterpart. It’s nice to sit the lap of superstars.
Shar Jackson, best known as the mother of K-Fed’s two oldest children, is getting ready to throw down against Star Magazine, who recently reported that the Ex-Wives Club star was pregnant again with a Feder-baby. She’s hired a lawyer to fight the claim, stating that the rumors are affecting her children, who are being asked questions about their alleged new sibling by their tiny peers. Jackson has also issued this statement to the mag, denying the existence of a baby bump: "I stand by my truth by offering you an EPT test if you stand by yours and reveal your ‘source’ to me."
Okay! Okay! We believe you Shar! Whatever you say. Just please don’t go around waving your pregnancy tests in our faces. We beg you. No one wants to see that – not even the gossip rags.
Dumping Her Trashy Pals The heiress is reportedly telling people that she is ready to get rid of her current party animal posse and spend more time focusing on charity work. [TMZ]
Jess and John’s Secret Meeting
It seems like these two can’t stand each other, but also can’t stand to
be apart. Sources say the pop singer and sensitive rocker may be
heating things up – again – after Simpson was spotted leaving Mayer’s LA
TomKat: Baby on the Way?
Sources are whispering that Mrs. Tom Cruise may have be expecting a
sibling for Suri. And why not, crazier things have happened (like the
two of them getting together in the first place)! [Splash News Online]
- Julia Roberts gives birth to a son, Henry. After watching Charlotte’s Web, I was hoping she was carrying a spider egg sac in her womb. Boring old Julia strikes again! [Dlisted]
- Rumors of a Tyra Banks sex tape begin to swirl. Apparently, the video is grainy but you can hear her and her dude talking to each other. At one point, she tells him to, "Kiss my fat vagina." [CONCRETELOOP]
- Kelis performs in an outfit that looks like it’s made of used toilet paper. I’ve seen grade-school party decorations that look sexier than she does. [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Matt Damon and Ben Affleck hit Hawaii for a family vacation. The only thing notable about this is that Matt looks husky. It’s for a role, though – he’s signed on to star in The Bourne Patisserie. [A Socialite's Life]
- Britney Spears has a near nip-slip that leaves her areola squished and looking like pepperoni. This is the 2007 version of snapping into a Slim Jim. [Egotastic!]
As this week’s Charm School was a recap episode, there will be no online recap this week, unless someone is interested in recapping our recap. In that case, the magnitude of meta would be so great that we could harness the power to fold space and travel to other galaxies where we’ll ride sandworms and consume spice until we’re blue in the eyes. Or something.
Anyway, in case you missed this week’s episode, the first clip below is a Wicked Short version of the first segment — the juiciest bit of info comes from (who else?) Saaphyri who reveals what she plans to do with the $50,000 should she win Charm School. We won’t give it away, but here’s a hint: it’s unrealistic.
The next two clips are of footage that didn’t make it onto the recap episode. Since the episode focused on the Top 4 (Shay, Saaphyri, Leilene and Becky), we thought the first clip would help in catching you up with all the girls who went before them. It’s a montage of the girls’ exit interviews — prepare to break out the Kleenex and/or stifle the guffaws, depending on your capacity for compassion.
The final clip is pretty much all the recap you need: it’s a greatest hits clip of sorts of Saaphyri’s best commentary. Her pearls of wisdom so numerous, the only way to do them justice would be to transcribe everything she says. Instead we’ll just let you watch. Those in the business of making house music, take note: Saaphyri’s command of "Walk. Just walk walk bitch. Just walk down the runway, that’s all I need her to do," is just dying to be sampled in a bitch track. Somewhere, at some point a drag queen profoundly touched Saaphyri’s life and helped shape it. Guarantee it.
There’s no neighborly love in Paris Hilton‘s hood. Residents of her cushy LA corner are taking to the streets, passing out flyers entitled "Heiress Alert: Time for Action." In it, two Hilton neighbors announce that they are looking into hiring a lawyer to take legal action. But against what exactly? Her hotness? Her tiny dogs? Those enormous feet?
Her nosy neighbors might want to wait a week and see if Paris is a changed woman. She’s allegedly reading a pile of self-help books while behind bars. Maybe "new Paris" will just want to join the neighborhood book club and invite everyone over for a quiet evening of Desperate Housewives! Or, maybe it’ll just be more of the same.
If all else fails, at least we know there’s one place Paris isalways welcome.
Earlier this month, the party was still rumored to be happening due to "contractual obligations" with Pure, but luckily the sensible choice won out in this situation. May we suggest a more tame and recovering addict-appropriate celebration? Order some pizzas, chug some Red Bulls, and go nuts over a heated game of Jenga. Make out with a couple of guys (or girls) if you so desire. Go as crazy as is soberly possible! Just, you know, keep your shirt on, Linds.
Bob Barker is this year’s Barbara Walters, attempting to use his geezer-pull to get Rosie O’Donnell to host your grandmother’s other favorite show, The Price Is Right. The animal advocate has retired his skinny microphone, and he told reporters this week that CBS is having a meeting with Ro about picking up where he left off. However, the network may not be ready for a "lady host," as Barker also mentioned that they’ve only chatted with male contenders thus far. And really, in 2007, is anyone ready for a "lady host?" I’m shivering just thinking about it.
First Macca, now Sonic Youth. In a puzzlingly corporate move, the alterna-rock originals are making a pseudo-mixtape to be sold at the counters of Starbucks. The album, conceived by Sonic Youth and consisting of favorite SY songs as chosen by Marc Jacobs, Beck and Jeff Tweedy (among others), will feature one new song. Sonic Youth ringleader Thurston Moore dropped the ‘bucks bomb during an interview with Pitchfork, where he also joked that Starbucks was the "new record store" and expressed a wish to be paid solely in Paul McCartney gift cards.
I didn’t want to do this, but now I feel I have no choice. Having endured your open letter to Paris Hilton and then the one to Joe Francis, I have to put my foot down now that you’ve written one to Britney Spears. I’m not so concerned about how condescending and shrewish you come across (at least you help clear up what happens when grandmas attack); I’m more concerned with how the moralizing tone of your letters screw with the continuity of TMZ.com, the deliciously amoral paparazzi blog you’ve chosen as your platform. Listen, lady: when I check TMZ, the only finger I want wagging at me is Britney’s bird.
And speaking of Britney, I do want to hit on a point you made in your letter to her: attacking Britney Spears for grabbing for attention is like attacking oxygen for filling our lungs. Camera-hogging is Britney’s very purpose. If she didn’t dress like a blind drag queen, the universe might collapse. At the very least, we (and I include you, Candy, in that "we") would have less to laugh at. Who wants that?
Without the bad behavior of Britney, Joe and Paris, you’d also have less to talk about. Whether you want to admit it or not, your school-marm missives are calls for attention, too. What did we know about you before this? That you were married to a rich TV producer? That you raised Tori, a daughter so privileged that "Nepotism" might as well have been her middle name? That you denied that same daughter millions of dollars in inheritance money? If your newfound role as Dear Candy (sans the "Dear," since who asked you, anyway?) doesn’t net you a talk show or reality show, it should at least beef up your cred enough to get you a Wikipedia page. At the very least, this has earned you your very own tag on the VH1 Blog — you’re moving up in the world, Candy!
Obviously, by commenting on your comments, I am no better than you. I might not necessarily agree with your views or syntax, but I fully support your right to them. Just stop clogging up TMZ already. Your posts are eyesores way beyond anything that Britney’s crotch has to offer.