Open Letter: Don’t Want Candy

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CandyspellingDear Candy Spelling,

I didn’t want to do this, but now I feel I have no choice. Having endured your open letter to Paris Hilton and then the one to Joe Francis, I have to put my foot down now that you’ve written one to Britney Spears. I’m not so concerned about how condescending and shrewish you come across (at least you help clear up what happens when grandmas attack); I’m more concerned with how the moralizing tone of your letters screw with the continuity of TMZ.com, the deliciously amoral paparazzi blog you’ve chosen as your platform. Listen, lady: when I check TMZ, the only finger I want wagging at me is Britney’s bird.

And speaking of Britney, I do want to hit on a point you made in your letter to her: attacking Britney Spears for grabbing for attention is like attacking oxygen for filling our lungs. Camera-hogging is Britney’s very purpose. If she didn’t dress like a blind drag queen, the universe might collapse. At the very least, we (and I include you, Candy, in that "we") would have less to laugh at. Who wants that?

Without the bad behavior of Britney, Joe and Paris, you’d also have less to talk about. Whether you want to admit it or not, your school-marm missives are calls for attention, too. What did we know about you before this? That you were married to a rich TV producer? That you raised Tori, a daughter so privileged that "Nepotism" might as well have been her middle name? That you denied that same daughter millions of dollars in inheritance money? If your newfound role as Dear Candy (sans the "Dear," since who asked you, anyway?) doesn’t net you a talk show or reality show, it should at least beef up your cred enough to get you a Wikipedia page. At the very least, this has earned you your very own tag on the VH1 Blog — you’re moving up in the world, Candy!

Obviously, by commenting on your comments, I am no better than you. I might not necessarily agree with your views or syntax, but I fully support your right to them. Just stop clogging up TMZ already. Your posts are eyesores way beyond anything that Britney’s crotch has to offer.

In short: get your own blog already.

Best,
Rich

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Brit Steals Mandy’s Thunder

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Poor Mandy Moore. First she split from flirty Zach Braff, then she battled depression, and now, just when things are starting to look up for the good girl, Britney rolls in trying to hog her limelight.

Last Friday, as paparazzi  hovered outside a Santa Monica hotel where Moore was doing press interviews inside, Spears supposedly cruised by in her car, desperate for the cameras to turn on her. A source who saw the sad attempt go down said, "She drove really slowly and doubled back on herself to make sure that everyone who wanted to get a shot, got a shot."

Mandy has an album and a movie about to drop, and all Brit’s got going on is a bad weave and a nipple slip. Oh wait – and this great pic of her flipping the bird. She’s accomplished so much this week! How dare the photogs ignore her?

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Fiddy Takes Another Shot at Oprah

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50_vsoprahOprah Winfrey is to 50 Cent what Mariah Carey is to Eminem: a punching bag. Last April, he called out O for her talk show’s seeming anti-rapper policy (“I think she caters to older white women,” he said) and in November, he launched an even more searing offense, branding her an “oreo” (in the Hate to English Dictionary, that translates as “black outside, white inside”). In the July issue of Spin, he’s at it again:

“She doesn’t ever say anything that anybody from the ghetto is gonna ID with. Take a poll. You go out and find me some young black women who ID with Oprah…She can escape the fact that she’s black because she’s a billionaire.”

Even if he has a point, Fiddy’s recurring attacks on Oprah do more harm than good for his cause. See, people who hate hip-hop often complain about its repetitive nature. 50 Cent is beginning to sound like one of his songs, and is that much easier to tune out. Pick a different angle, Fiddy. Tell us what you think of her hair or her weight or something. [MTV News / Image credit: Getty]

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Nicole: Baby and Wedding on the Way?

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The Simple Lifer showed up at a Beverly Hills bash last Thursday night and apparently tried something new: steering clear of the booze like only an expecting party girl could. This latest tidbit, combined with that "baby bump" that keeps poking through her formless, $1000 dresses, are only heating up the already hot rumors that Nicole is carrying around her and boyfriend Joel Madden‘s lovechild. But maybe their offspring won’t be born out of wedlock afterall, as Richie was also spotted at that same party in a giant diamond ring (as seen in photo, right), fueling rumors that the two are engaged.

We’ll just have to sit and wait this one out for the next 8-9 months. Her belly sure does look a little round, but at 85 pounds that could just be because she had a sip of water. Still, if her bump keeps growing, it’s gonna get a lot harder to hide it behind that Balenciaga bag. Maybe she could try using her new massive diamond ring? That’s about the right size.

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Radiohead: Interweb Svengalis

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Avant-garde British critical darlings Radiohead continue to leak new album material on their website. For all the fans out there jonesing for the high, sweet, deathly sound of Thom Yorke’s voice and the funereal music that usually backs it, enterprising individuals have assembled the audio clip into a YouTube clip, posted here [thanks, NME!]. The tracks that appear in the clip are "Open Pick," "? (New Song?, I Froze Up?, Burn the Witch?)," "All I Need,"  "Down Is the New Up," "Arpeggi," and "Bangers N’ Mash." The latter is British for "sausage and mashed potatoes," which, we’ve found, is the only cure for a case of the Mondays. Yummy.

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Posh & The Cruises Get Creepy in Spain

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Tomkat joined Posh and her kids as they cheered on hubby David Beckham‘s final soccer (football, if you’re from the rest of the world) match with Spain’s Real Madrid. Now, most people hit up sporting events in face paint, faded t-shirts, and caps proclaiming team loyalty. This crew showed up like they were about to catwalk into some strange funeral-fashion show.

What is at all necessary about these outfits (click for pics)? Katie’s strange stripped minidress? Posh’s skintight black bodysuit held together by pink neon duct tape? Tom’s dress shirt opened ever so slightly to reveal his plastic chest? The matching hairdos? The sunglasses at night? The making out?

Beck’s team won, but the fans probably couldn’t even enjoy the fun because of all the celeb-insanity that was going on around them. The only normal ones there were the three Beckham boys, who matched in tiny versions of their dad’s uniform. But give them a few years and they’ll be all crazy and throwing bricks at people in Hollywood, just like another famous Brit offspring.

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Monday: Olsens Want Lots of Cash; Britney’s Trash Talk Caught on Tape

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Olsens: Demanding Big Bucks for B-Day Pics

Mary Kate and Ashley are shopping around photos from their chill 21st birthday dinner for $300,000. It’s definitely worth that much dough to find out if these two actually eat. [NY Daily News]

Justin Kicks Lady Love Off Tour

Timberlake, off touring in Europe, has sent current arm candy Jessica Biel back to the States so he could focus on doing stellar shows. It’s got be distracting when your woman’s buffer than you! [TMZ]

Pics: Jen’s Shirtless Beau is All That
Aniston’s super-hot new man, model Paul Sculfor, appeared shirtless on her balcony, leaving the world to wonder, "Brad who?" [X17]

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The Weekly Wrap-Up: Britney Blogs, Kelly Cancels, Paris Becomes a Cartoon

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Links to Reality

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- There’s more than one way to get Buckwild – Charm School‘s Becky hosts a weekly Internet radio show Sundays at 6:30 ET. It is awesome. And we’re not just saying that because this week, we’re on it. [Blog Talk Radio]

- If you’re excited for Rock of Love, you aren’t alone – check out this brief clip of a concert audience chanting to show their anticipation. [Bret Michaels' MySpace]

- Celebrity Fit Club‘s Ant has choice words on Joe Rogan‘s etiquette. Who does he think he is, Mo’Nique? [TMZ.com]

- Donald Trump is teaming with Fox for a show that provides "a stern course on debutante manners" to wild women. Hmmm…that concept sounds familiar. Where have we seen something like that before? [Radar Online]

- When Charm School is over, there will still be plenty of Mo’Nique to go around – her next F.A.T. Chance pageant is set to air July 28 on Oxygen. [ETOnline]

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- Just in case you missed it: here’s a feature on I Love New York‘s Tango where he extols the virtues of Jay-Z and My Chemical Romance, alike. Eclectic!

Ross Matthews is named Hot Slut of the Month on Dlisted. See? Appear on Celebrity Fit Club and all of your dreams come true. [Dlisted]

- Think you know Celebreality? Try out this game and give yourself an ego boost.

Flame On: Fiery Words with Chris Evans

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Chris Evans plays charismatic confirmed bachelor Johnny Storm, aka the Human Torch, in Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Reprising his role from the first film, he sat down to explain why comic books make poor seduction tools, who the Silver Surfer might be and why La-La Land is like a really hard game of chess.

Childhood Dreams . . . Teenage Nightmares
It’s fun being a superhero. It’s every little kid’s dream. But as a kid, I didn’t read a lot of comic books. I didn’t watch a lot of TV. I was outside, getting dirty, putting frogs in girls’ hair and sh*t like that. Comics aren’t so good [for flirting] especially when you’re 14, 15. That’s when it’s a problem.

The Tao of Torch
Johnny Storm is very self-involved. Everyone says "cocky" and "arrogant," but I think he’s very present. I think he loves life. He loves to laugh and have a good time. He’s very unaware of his own actions, which is probably a great way to live, if he wasn’t so insensitive. I think he’s just very much in the moment. I think that’s why he doesn’t dwell in the past or stress about the future.

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